However, as I near the end of my core internal medicine training, I feel as desire to reconnect with that soulful life loving me that was three years ago. Years of sleepless nights and dealing with people at their darkest hour has wisened me but also hardened me, and I need to find the spirit of that young girl who wanted to find the best in people.
That all said, here we go.
I told a middle aged man this week that he had wide spread cancer. He went to the doctor for some minor complaint, his GP decided to do blood work... low sodium, equals investigations as to why and one week later... cancer. Life is too fragile, here today, gone in an instant. Easy to forget that while this is just another day at work for me, I have changed his life forever. While only the messanger--I didnt cause the cancer--when I see the look in his eyes, his wife's tears, I have to steel myself to be composed and compassionate. In that moment it feels like it is I not the disease that is causing their anguish. How does one reconcile being the human in that room with being the "professional" who is supposed to maintain a distance? The easy answer is to learn how not to feel, but this has consequences too. The hard answer I am still learning.
We are in Regina this month, all part of distributed medical education. The title of this blog is still appropriate! In the past few months I've been to Las Vegas, New Orleans, Edmonton, Mayan Riviera (brother in law got married!), and next to Hawaii! The adventures don't seem as grand as they did a few years ago, but they are still happening. Thank goodness for vacation.
