Sojourn Chronicles

Unpacking

2010-06-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

Thirty six hours after our things arrived in Edmonton, we are well underway in the unpacking process. Several realizations have come to me as I sift through the multitude of cartons in my new home:

1) A modern move requires literally a small forest of paper. I have never seen so much paper in my entire life. There are to date at least 10 large boxes that are packed tight with the paper that our stuff was packed in. I look at the heap and I cringe at how “un-green” the whole thing is. Overall its probably better than buying all new things, especially since the paper will be recycled, but its still guilt provoking.

2) Having a well organized house prior to moving makes unpacking much much simpler.

3) We have a lot of stuff.

4) No matter how much stuff you have, every move requires you to buy more stuff whether its cables, small pieces of furniture or simply a dust pan. Its aggravating but true.

5) Putting things away and organizing them gives me a feeling of satisfaction.

Resist the temptation of the "special"

2010-06-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

Why do we spend money on things we don’t need or even want? What about the marketing industry is so powerful that it usurps even the most grounded among us?

Take tonight at dinner for example. We don’t have our things yet from the moving company, so we were out for dinner. The waitress told us that the house brew was on special, and that it was similar to a Stella. After a busy day we figure a beer would be nice. But for some reason instead of ordering a beer we know we will like, in the hopes of saving a dollar we both order the special. And let me tell you, it was no good.

One of the life principles I have adopted is that life is too short to consume things you don’t enjoy. This presumes of course that there are options, and that you are not in a situation of poverty or service. Sometimes it takes an extra effort, or extra self control. Sometimes its awkward to send something back at a restaurant. But when given the chance, even if it costs a little more, its better to enjoy your food and drink. Eddie taught me this. I never used to send things back at restaurants because I felt like I was insulting the server or the kitchen; but now I realize that if you are paying for the food or the service you are allowed to voice your opinion.

This not buying what you don’t need or don’t want applies to more than food too. Sales have the power to seduce us, and often I think they wind up causing us to spend more money not actually less. Its one thing to buy toilet paper in bulk because its on sale, because even if you don’t need it now, you will. Its quite another to buy pants you don’t really like because they were a good price, or a kitchen gadget you never considered owning before because it was on sale at costco, or granola bars you don’t ordinarily eat because they were 20 for a dollar. If you don’t need it or want it, you won’t use it.

So adhering to this principle we sent the beer back and ordered some Kilkenny. And they were good. And when we got the bill at the end of the night, she didn’t even charge us for the beer we didn’t drink.

Camping in the Urban Jungle

2010-06-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

Our only dishes are some paper plates, and plastic cups and cutlery, as the moving company is not delivering our stuff until tomorrow. Thankfully I had a few plastic containers that served as make-shift bowls for breakfast this morning.

When we arrived in Edmonton yesterday our first stop was to the big box area to buy a guest room bed, with the hopes of same day delivery so we could sleep on it until our bed arrived! Apparently we missed the same day delivery cut off by about 30 minutes. No bed for us last night. Subsequently we found what may in fact be the largest Walmart in western Canada, and there we got a Coleman airbed and pump. Surprisingly it was a pretty decent sleep!

In the last 24 hours we have stumbled onto some great finds in our neighbourhood. We found a pet store that sells our kind of dog food, a fantastic bakery with amazing croissants, and an Italian restaurant that served the best penne arribiatta we’ve had in years. The city of Edmonton is definitely making the transition smoother.

What makes a place home? According to Eddie, home is where you sh#t the most. Its a complex concept. I feel at home here with Eddie and the dogs. Part of me yearns for our home in Saskatoon, but the physical space while still there, is no longer home. Our things are not there, our employment is not there. Is it where ever you make it? Can you have a home for a time? I think Edmonton will feel like home while we are here, mostly because we will work hard to have our house be a sanctuary, a place we can rest and rejuvenate. However part of me will always think of my parent’s house as home, and part of me will always consider Saskatoon as home.

I want to make a better effort to live in the now, to not always be looking ahead to the future. Maximize the living for each day. The balance between being content and striving to achieve has always alluded me, but I am going to try in earnest to find it.

Pack it up

2010-06-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

June 20, 2010 - Moving... again.

The moving company came today and in a swift, efficient manner packed up all our worldly possessions, in about 5 hours. Tomorrow the truck comes to get all our things and we will be on the road to Edmonton. It is un-nerving seeing our house practically empty.

It feels like the most grown-up venture to date, moving to another province for work/training. Eddie and I are sitting on our deck enjoying the afternoon sun for one of the last times in our first house together. The freshly painted fence gleams a refreshing white, and the simple act of sitting together outside is calming.

This move is bittersweet. We love our home, the city, our family and friends. Saskatoon is where our hearts reside, and where we first put down roots as a family together. So many great things have happened over the past three years: my sister and I are closer than we have ever been before, we've made a ton of great family memories, Eddie and I have had fantastic vacations, I've developed confidence in my professional abilities, we've bought our first house, our first pets, I've discovered a passion for cooking, the list goes on. Part of me is sad to leave.

And yet its time to go. I know that. We've finished our residencies here, and we're not ready for independent practice so we have to move to where we can finish, and become the physicians we are meant to be.

Apparently part of happiness is growth and adapting to new situations, we're on our way!

And I'm so glad I married a man who makes me laugh every single day. When I was wistfully looking around at our boxes, Eddie quipped " oh well, home is where you s#*t the most!"

Waiting

2010-05-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

I think the hardest thing is to wait for something you have no control over. The more important the thing, the harder the wait. Most recently for me it was what we are going to do with our house in Saskatoon when we move to Edmonton. You can't control when a buyer will make an offer on your house. You can't control when a normal responsible tenant will answer your ad "house for rent".

Today I am waiting for the beamline to be operational. Three of my last four beamline shifts for my research project have had beam interruptions.

Wait! Overhead "Beam available" --- Back to work

Home-Body

2010-05-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

A weekend at home. For the first time in almost two months, Eddie and I have a weekend at home where neither of us is on call! How lovely to just be able to unwind, to be, to relax without traveling, working or sleeping in a different bed. We took the dogs to the park for a long walk today which was exhilarating. They run and play with reckless abandon and such exuberance, I can't help but laugh out loud watching.

I can't wait for a simpler time when we are finished our training, finished our exams, and we have more control over our time. Finished=freedom! Only four more years to go. When I started, I never imagined that I would end up doing subspecialty practice, interested in research. Yet here I am ten years (yikes) after high school and still four years away from independent practice. As a fellow resident and friend said, "My thirties are going to be the best decade. Finished residency, starting to earn money, and still youthful." We have sacrificed our twenties to the beast of medical education, so there's got to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I just hope we have a relaxing, calming home in Edmonton.

Melancholy

2010-04-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

Moving. Change. Melancholy.

This is the time that we are supposed to be putting down roots, a foundation on which our adult lives will flourish and bloom. Instead we spend our months moving, always picking up our lives to transiently be in a new place, all in the name of distributed medical education. In the past two years I have spent 1 month in Toronto, 2 separate months in Edmonton, a month in Prince Albert, a month in Regina. And now we are in the process of packing up, up rooting as it were, to move to Edmonton.

Edmonton will be good. Its a great city. That's not the point. Its taxing on the soul to move, to extricate oneself from the social network that you are enmeshed in. We are social creatures, not meant to live in isolation. And while we are away, the void that we leave behind, will be filled in, such that when we come back in time our lives will have changed. Nothing is ever the same when you leave it for years at a time.

I am happy for the opportunity to train to do what I desire to do. My soul is melancholy at the cost.

We should all live in Hawaii

2010-04-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

Vacation in Hawaii is taking an escape to paradise. When I am there my worldly cares melt away in the glorious sunshine, and the ocean washes away my worries. The colours are so vibrant, so vivid there, it makes home seem to be missing the full spectrum, with only a drab version of the truth behind.

It was wonderful, but O so not long enough! A week that slipped away as quickly as the Hawaiian sunset, making me yearn for longer. We stayed in a condo on the beach with my parents, and I swam in the ocean at least twice everyday. It was our first time there during whale season, and they were spectacular. We saw sea turtles almost everyday when we were snorkelling. And the food was divine.

I tried to convince Eddie we should move there, no luck.

Delayed in Transit

2010-04-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

I will preface with "I know I can't complain, we are on our way to Hawaii", however--we are waiting in Vancouver to board our plane and:

"Due to the high winds in Vancouver we have a weight and balance issue, and we require 9 people to volunteer to give up their seats. We will arrange for a travel voucher and hotel in Vancouver for tonight..."

Now ordinarily I would game to be a volunteer, a good samaritan etc. However vacation time for us is precious, and I am not about to volunteer to give up a day in paradise. And yes most people would likely provide the same rationale for not volunteering their seats, but I think we will likely be stubborn on this one! I wonder what the policy is for deciding if no one volunteers, if everyone is grounded?

So here we sit, delayed, going no where fast. A nearby child wails, I hear you kid, I agree! I hope we make it out of Vancouver tonight.

Its been a long while

2010-03-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone is even reading this blog anymore, unlikely since its been sooo long since I posted. My honeymoon feels like a lifetime ago as three years of internal medicine residency have taken its toll.

However, as I near the end of my core internal medicine training, I feel as desire to reconnect with that soulful life loving me that was three years ago. Years of sleepless nights and dealing with people at their darkest hour has wisened me but also hardened me, and I need to find the spirit of that young girl who wanted to find the best in people.

That all said, here we go.

I told a middle aged man this week that he had wide spread cancer. He went to the doctor for some minor complaint, his GP decided to do blood work... low sodium, equals investigations as to why and one week later... cancer. Life is too fragile, here today, gone in an instant. Easy to forget that while this is just another day at work for me, I have changed his life forever. While only the messanger--I didnt cause the cancer--when I see the look in his eyes, his wife's tears, I have to steel myself to be composed and compassionate. In that moment it feels like it is I not the disease that is causing their anguish. How does one reconcile being the human in that room with being the "professional" who is supposed to maintain a distance? The easy answer is to learn how not to feel, but this has consequences too. The hard answer I am still learning.

We are in Regina this month, all part of distributed medical education. The title of this blog is still appropriate! In the past few months I've been to Las Vegas, New Orleans, Edmonton, Mayan Riviera (brother in law got married!), and next to Hawaii! The adventures don't seem as grand as they did a few years ago, but they are still happening. Thank goodness for vacation.

Honeymooning Begins - Maui

2007-05-25T01:23:00.000-07:00

Eddie and I got married on May 19, 2007, and this is the start of our honeymoon.

(I don't have pictures from the wedding yet, those will follow later!)

We drove the road to Hana and saw the most beautiful lush country side, full of waterfalls and breath-taking ocean views.

We took a boat ride to Molikini to snorkel, then went swimming with sea turtles! So amazing!

And we lounged at our fantastic resort, enjoying the sand and surf at Polo Beach, right outside our door step.

And of course each evening was finished with spectacular cuisine at some of Maui's finest establishments.

Now we are off to Kauai!

Med Girls Shower

2007-04-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

So my dear med girl friends threw me a shower the week we were all in town for the exam review. Tin and Laksh were the hostesses, there was tons of food, even more prizes (Tin even had personalized party favors made!) and a lot of laughs. It was fun because all the girls know Eddie really well too so the games about 'how well do you know the couple' were a big hit.

One of our games was a toilet paper dress contest--which group could make the most runway appropriate wedding dress out of TP!

They also dressed me in TP after for fun...

I have now had three wedding showers, one more to go! I am so blessed that my friends and family care so much to keep "showering" me with gifts! It is way more than I ever expected.

Life Update

2007-04-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

Here is the scoop: we have moved out of Regina (yay!) and back to Saskatoon. This past week Eddie and I have been organizing the condo we are renting. He doesnt actually live here yet, he is staying at his parent's place until after the wedding. It has been a lot of fun so far--its hard to believe that this is going to be "our" place. It has taken a while longer than I expected since we are sorting through our combined stuff and deciding what to keep and what to donate to siblings.

So that is what I have been up to. Next week I have to start studying for the dreaded exam. I will post some pictures of our new place once its all finished.

Bridezilla within

2007-04-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

I have discovered my bridezilla within.

I thought I was immune to becoming bridezilla.

I was wrong.

My demon bride within is too concerned, too obsessed with her own appearance, to the detriment of myself and others around me. I can only hope that recognition and admission to my own failings will be the first step on the road to recovery back to my normal self.

Whirlwind

2007-03-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

Some days I feel like my life is a whirlwind and that it is creeping along way to slowly all at the same time. This week has been full of those days! To recap:

Wednesday March 14th: Find out we matched to Saskatoon. Ride to Saskatoon with Eddie after work for the Match Party with all of our classmates. Ride back to Regina with 15 of my drunk classmates in a 20 passenger limo arriving in Regina at 05:00am.

Thursday March 15th: sleep from 05:30am-10:00am. Get up, go to the hospital. Come home go back to sleep!

Friday March 16th: Catch a ride back to Saskatoon after work with a classmate. Look at ads for places to live with Eddie, (he as Mr Wonderful had pre-screened the pool of potentials and made appointments for Saturday).

Saturday March 17th: Look at townhouses all morning. Stop for lunch to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Look at townhouses all afternoon. Decide on place to live! YAY! Go to Symphony Saturday night. Go out with Mark and Cheryl after symphony.

Sunday March 18th: Go to church in Saskatoon. Drive back to Regina!

So in summary we found a place to live next year! And all the details worked out beautifully. We got the moving date we wanted, and our place will suit us very well, with lots of space for us to spread out in. We are SO EXCITED! Less than three weeks now until we are moved into our new place. I get to live there until the wedding and then Eddie will move in after the wedding. Now we are starting all the other stuff that goes with moving--address changing, disconnecting and reconnecting services etc. Never a dull moment!

Match Results

2007-03-16T05:28:00.000-07:00

And the Match results are
....

Saskatoon!

I know this may seem like not very exciting or that it was obvious that we would be in Saskatoon, but we are very excited. We have classmates who are moving all over the country as of yesterday: Vancouver, Prince George, Victoria, Kelowna, Calgary, Winnipeg, Hamilton, London, Toronto.... . To know that we are officially moving to Saskatoon was a huge relief, because that is what we had hoped for!

So we are going to be home hunting this weekend :) I am SO excited for us to pick out our first home together. It wont be a house, and it won't be something we buy, but it will be our first home together so that makes it "stinkin' awesome!" After we are done rotations we will move back to Saskatoon and I will live in our new place and Eddie will live with his parents until we get married (which is almost 2 months away :)

So that's the update!

First Shower

2007-03-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

No, not my first water shower--my first bridal shower.

I went to PA for my first bridal shower this past weekend. My aunt threw me a lovely shower with most of my great aunts and several of my mom's first cousins present, as well as some close family friends.

It was a new experience that is for sure! I am not used to opening presents in front of 25 or so people! I also had the joy of getting to model and then wear for the duration of the shower a wedding dress made of toilet paper. Yes I did say toilet paper. It was a like a new variation on the paper bag princess. It was all in good fun though, and I think my grandma got quite a hoot out of seeing me all dressed up in toilet paper :)

Heart Surgery

2007-03-05T18:53:00.000-08:00

I think I am in for a cool week :)

Today I got to be first assist in coronary artery bypass surgery--super cool! Its a bit unnerving when the surgeon says, "now whatever you do, don't move, even if you are dying," as you are staring down into an open chest and the patient's heart is literally staring back at you. Unnerving but awe inspiring at the same time.

These surgeons know that what they do is so super sub-specialized that they just want students to learn about what the operations are like and a bit more about cardiac anatomy and physiology, and don't want us to do scut work. What a fun rotation this one will be!

They truly are gifted though--you don't just want anyone with half-baked surgical skills cutting at your heart! It really is amazing what they are able to do in the operating room. I will admire them from afar and never aspire to be one of them, but it will be a sublime experience to spend the week invited into their ORs.

Reflections

2007-02-28T19:27:00.000-08:00

It is really by God's Grace and Wisdom that we only are allowed to travel through time in one direction: forward. I often wonder if I knew years ago what I know now if I would make the same decisions. Would I be too scared? Would I have the courage? Naivete is a hidden blessing more often then I think we will ever know. But if I changed my past then I would not be me, as I am so shaped by my decisions and experiences.

I got a phone call tonight from a kid whose parent works with my mom. She has an interview with the College of Medicine in the next few weeks. She sounded so young, so fresh, so excited about the prospect of getting to become a doctor. I remember those days, I remember being that almost child-like enthusiasm for medicine, before years of the forces greater than me grinding away at me, shaping and forming the physician-to-be. They carve away at who you are, chipping out what is unsuitable, making you more and more like them, re-shaping the way you think, the patterns that keep, the way you live, where you live, how you spend your time....and you pray that somewhere along the way you have not lost the essence of who you are. I pray that I have retained the inherent elements that make me who I am.

How do you explain that to the bright eyed hopeful wishing to be physicians? You cant. There is no way to describe to someone who doesnt live through medicine what it does to you, to your life. I dont actually know if I would have chosen it, I thank God He chose me for it. I think I would have been too fearful. I do not regret it, but I wouldn't do it over again--Once in a lifetime is enough. It is a life that has required me to sacrifice more than ever understood before. It has required me to become much more disciplined. Yet, through it God has brought me more joy than I thought possible. And that my friends is the Grace of God.

Best Joke of the Day

2007-02-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

While our team was trying to find out how much longer it would be before a patient returned from the OR to the ICU, the anaesthetist poked his head out and said, "Oh a long time. An hour of surgical time, so multiply that by pi..."

Back in Regina; again

2007-02-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

I am back in Regina, again. I think this is the last stint of time here, or rather there is no other big stretch of time where I will be living out of a suitcase. Until my honeymoon that is :)

I don't really have a lot to blog about--I am in the Surgical Intensive Care for this week and next week, which is a cool way for me to hang out with internists during my surgery rotations :) I have been fortunate to have an R4 in internal med in the unit with me this week so I have been peppering him with questions. Other than that I am trying to get ready for my surgery exams that are in a week and a half, and for my surgery presentation that is next Friday. Terribly exciting, I know.

Although what is kind of cool (I know, blogging about medicine is terribly nerdy, bear with me), is I watched the intensivist (the ICU doc) resuscitate a woman who was exsanguinating (had blood pouring out of her). She was completely calm throughout the entire thing, as though it was just a regular day at the office. It was awesome to see how she had her head about her in the midst of a situation that would make A LOT of people high strung to say the least. And the coolest thing was the next morning I went in to examine the patient, and asked her how she was, and she opened her eyes, smiled, and said "I'm a little tired today". I thought that was awesome coming from a woman who tried her best to die the day before.

39 days until I am finished JURSI rotations! I can't wait!

Done Interviews :)

2007-02-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

I have finished Carms Interviews!! YA!

And Eddie and I have submitted our list of what order we would accept residency positions for next year, so all we have to do now is wait and March 14th we will find out where we are going for the next three years.

Oh and I guess in case you were wondering, I should mention about my U of S interview and how that went. I think it went really well :) The program director started the interview with "you're wonderful, everybody loves you, so tell me about yourself..." and it went on from there. He seemed super understanding of the whole couples matching business, and really pro-resident and pro-resident education, which is always great. It was a really good chat with him, had a really good vibe when I left there. Then my second interview was with one of the faculty who wrote me my reference letter, and the chief resident that I had spent a fair amount of time with over at St. Paul's hospital because she too is interested in nephrology. So yes overall it went well.

Eddie and I celebrated being finished interviews with a date last night. He took me to John's Prime Rib and we had a wonderfully luxurious and languid dinner. It was the perfect way to cap off such a chaotic and hectic period of time! I am so blessed to be marrying such an amazing man.

So now my attention turns to other things--namely gearing up for our licensing exam and the wedding both of which are fast approaching! Never a dull moment in JURSI-land....

Montreal and The Rock

2007-02-10T15:39:00.001-08:00

I am only posting this now, because I had would have had to pay for internet at my last two stops. So I am back now, and posting now about Montreal and Newfoundland....

Montreal. What can I say about Montreal? It’s a really cool place to visit, I don’t really want to live there. It’s a fun city, but I think it would have the potential to encourage all the wrong things in me---becoming vain and way too into fashion. The shopping in Montreal is unlike anything I have ever seen before. Granted I havent been to Paris or New York, but this place is unreal. Janelle and I found Ogilvy, this 7 storey department store that had boutiques and shops inside from designers like Louis Vutton, and other people whose names I cant pronounce. I have never seen $700.00 shoes in person before. And lingerie that is made of 100% silk, and starts at $200.00 an item, and red carpet dresses that start at 900.00…..Sigh. It is art that can be admired but never to be had.

Yes that’s right, I went shopping in Montreal on St. Catherine’s and didn’t but A THING! I didn’t even try ON a single pair of shoes.

I can say that getting prepared for being married has made me more responsible with my money for sure. Not that I was irresponsible before, but now its as though Eddie and I are a built in form of accountability to each other as to how we spend our money.

So back to the reason I was actually in Montreal. My interview. It went well I thought—they asked me tons of follow up questions from my response “to tell us about yourself….” And then a few questions about a challenging patient encounter, and a rewarding patient encounter, why you want to come to Montreal, how being an internist would be relevant if I ever went back to Africa…etc. Afterward there was tours of the different hospitals and a lunch with the candidates and the residents. I don’t have any CLUE how I got the interview—I was the only one I met from west of Ontario there who was interviewing. I had lunch with eight U of T students and one Ottawa U student. The lone prairie girl interviewing with the “big city” kids. Totally bizarre. And apparently all the other candidates were given a clinical case scenario and asked how they would manage it, but I wasn’t asked that! I cant tell if that’s a good sign or a bad one—I think it must be good.

And now “the rock” aka Newfoundland. I went going from one of the biggest cities in the country to one of the smallest.

Newfoundlanders were super nice--the cabbie who picked me up from the airport called me "duckie" and talked my ear off the whole way to the airport, asked me about how my parents were, etc.

The interview itself was super laid back--they started with, "this is a really informal interview, so you can relax...." The residents there were supper friendly, but I got the sense that they work ridiculous hours there, and they become "senior" residents after six months, while they are still in first year. If we wind up there we will be okay, and we will be able to make right it work, but for us I dont think it would make sense to go there preferentially above staying home....I would rarely see Eddie because I would be working all the time! They do three weekends a month there.

Getting home was a big gong show--my 5:00am flight off the Rock was cancelled, and it went from there. I did manage to get home to Saskatoon by a decent hour in the afternoon. I have decided that flying is a necessary evil to traveling, but that's about it. I really dont like flying!

One down, three to go...

2007-02-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

I survived my first interview---whew!

I tried to get a good night's sleep last night. It didnt help the situation when there was a party going on in the room next door into the wee hours of the night last night. At first I wasnt sure, but it didnt take long to realize it was other med students who had obviously didnt have an interview this morning. I tried to wait it out and hope they would go to sleep, but finally when 2:30am rolled around, I decided "this is RIDICULOUS!"

I threw on a fleece, and went and knocked on their door....silence....then a sheepish looking medstudent came to the door. I said in my most sincere voice, "I really hate to break up the party, but I have an interview in the morning..." And instantly the guy looked mortified, and he replied, "I am SO sorry, no really I am so so sorry". I mumbled some sort of response and then crawled back into my room into bed. Thank the Lord they were quiet after that. At that point I didn't know whether to cry or to laugh. Also thank the Lord that I can function reasonably well on little sleep.

I was full of the jitters in the morning, but got myself fed and watered, bathed and groomed, pressed and dressed and to the interview, with time to spare. And interestingly enough, one of the other candidates waiting to interview in the morning turned out to be a fellow CMDS-er from Alberta. That was nice.

The interviews themselves (one with the program director, one with the Chief Resident, and one with a faculty) all went reasonably well. There weren't any questions that I hadnt at least thought about before, and for the most part they seemed quite conversational, and they spent a large portion of the time answering my questions. This was all followed by lunch with a slide show by the residents about why we should come to Dalhousie, and a tour of the hospital. Interestingly enough I was the only female candidate not in a black suit, which made me feel good. I didnt want to feel like a stiff, and I felt like myself in my suit. A more refined, sophisticated version of myself, but myself.

So tonight I am off to the resident social for the candidates at the Good Time Pub. Hopefully it will live up to its name.

Tomorrow, off to Montreal....

Halifax, Eve of Interview 1

2007-02-05T15:18:00.000-08:00

I flew to Halifax today. Seven hours and two airports later, here I am. The eve before my first interview.

Its a very different feeling, traveling for these interviews. There were six other med students on the shuttle bus from the airport. All of them looked like they stepped off the cover of Vogue (they were from Ontario and Alberta, need I say more?) and they all seemed tense, like a white head pimple, ready to burst.

I must say that not checking bags and being able to print my boarding pass at home the day before greatly lessened the travel anxiety. All I had to do was go through security and board my plane. It helped that I was able to fly WestJet to Halifax.

Halifax is definitely different in the winter than it is in my lush summer memories. Still a unique city with charm, and once we got into the downtown, it felt familiar, putting me at ease. Odd though, for me to be staying in hotels by myself. I don't know if I have ever had a hotel room to myself before. Its quiet, which is good, I will sleep tonight. Yet its almost eerie.

So tonight I am steaming my suit in the bathroom--not being able to hang it up took its toll on it, but I think it will come out fine. Its 'steaming' as I type. And I will review my practice questions, review the Dal program, and my application. Talk to Eddie. Talk to God. Read my Bible. Pray that I speak with confidence and clarity, and that the Holy Spirit will guide me. Ask for the peace that passes all understanding.

Thanks for all the responses to the practice questions--they all made me laugh or smile. One week and this will all be over!

5 pair of hose, 4 interviews, 3 hotels, 2 black shoes and 1 match

2007-01-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

This week I have bought: 5 pairs of nude hose, two pair of knee highs, one leather portfolio holder, travel sized shampoo, conditioner, lotion....Sigh. I hate Carms!

Do you know how difficult it is to fit everything an eczemic needs for skin care, plus the standard hair care and make items that are liquid into:
All containers not to be larger than 100ml, and all containers must fit into a 1L clear ziploc plastic bag that can be sealed

Those are the security measures that must be complied with to take things carry-on. I decided it was worth the effort, so that I can know the wearabouts of my luggage at all times! Next week would be a really really BAD time to have lost luggage!

And now for Interview Practice Questions... Please feel free to post what you think are good anzwers to the following old interview questions (most of these questions I think are ridiculous, but they are actually old interview questions!):
1) Teach me something non-medical in the next five minutes
2) Tell me a joke
3) What would you do if you were the medical student on the team at at a code you saw the senior resident slip a vial of fentanyl (a potent narcotic) into their labcoat pocket?
4)How would you react if you were faced with reviewing an admission while on-call with a senior who had a hint/smell of alcohol to his breath?

Finished General Surgery

2007-01-26T21:47:00.000-08:00

I am officially finished my general surgery rotation! I still will have to do my surgery exams after my surgical selectives, but no more waking up at 5:30 to be at the hospital for rounds!

And, the most exciting of all--no more call as a JURSI!!!! I dont have call for the remainder of my rotations, so the next time I will have call will be in July as a first year resident. It will be SOO nice to be a little more normal for a few months.

As of today "interview" time has officially started. I am now a little nervous, it seems more real. Tomorrow we are packing up our suitcases and heading off to Saskatoon. I have one week to buy last minute travel sized supplies and to prepare my answers to interview questions. It always seemed so far off in the distance, interviews, and now they are here! I cant wait until they are over!!! By the afternoon of February 12 I will be finished the interview process, and I think that will be a really great feeling. I seriously cant wait for interviews to be finished. Its like a really bad exam week, where the only way out it to get through it, one day at a time, and one morning you wake up on the other side.

Please pray for Eddie and I that we interview well, have favor with program directors and that we match to exactly where God wants us to be next year!

I will keep you posted!

Overwhelmed

2007-01-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

Today I feel overwhelmed. I have felt this way enough times before throughout JURSI to know not to let this feeling consume me, enough to know it too will pass. Nonetheless, today I am overwhelmed.

As I reflect back over the year I see a strong correlation between the rotations where I am sleep deprived and the rotations where I am overwhelmed. Obstetrics, ID, and now Surgery.

Somehow by the grace of God I will get the things I need to get done done, but today I cant even remember basic things that I used to know off the top of my head. Somedays I feel like I my brains ooze out my ears in my sleep.

Nine more days of general surgery to go....

The pre-interview scene

2007-01-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

So we are officially into the next phase of the long drawn out process that is applying for residency positions for next year. Eddie and I both got several invitations to come for interviews--he got 8 and I got 7, but we only have a few invitations in common cities, so that is where we will be interviewing. So now rather than "we could end up in any of the major cities in Canada", the number of places we could be next year is: four. And they are in no particular order:
Halifax, St John's, Montreal and Saskatoon. There is still a minor possibility that we may get to interview in Winnipeg, but that is slim--one of us is on the wait list for an interview spot there.

It was really strange the way it shaped up---there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which school offered us interviews. Yet, I am happy with my schedule, I have all my interviews in a week, with one day between each to travel between the cities. Eddie's schedule is tougher, he does them all one day after another, so he is travelling and interviewing everyday without a break.

So we will see what happens!

Surgery

2007-01-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

Well I am back in the saddle, in a manner of speaking. This week I started my general surgery rotation. This is definitely coming back from vacation with full steam ahead! I am enjoying that the surgeons keep me busy, and are willing to teach as we plow through the day, this much is good. Man oh man though, I am NOT built to be a surgeon! I am at the hospital by 6:20am and havent left until 6pm so far this week, and after standing in the operating room for a four hour case I was almost dead! Who knew standing perfectly still being a human retractor would be so tiring?!

Ah well, its only four weeks, and I will be able to do it for four weeks, and hopefully learn something while doing it!

And we have new JURSIs, yay! The third year class had their induction, er rather orientation, to being JURSIs this week, and as of Monday they will be on the wards with us. Its always nice to have more bodies to distribute the work load on, and fresh blood will be appreciated --its good for moral. Tim and Erin just moved here as well because Tim is a new JURSI, so I am excited to hang out with them more often.

Thats all for now, I am going to go try to catch up on some sleep after a night of open bellies and holding intestines in my hands.

Orlando Pictures

2006-12-28T18:09:00.000-08:00

We are back safe and sound from Florida; and now we are extra plump from two family's worth of turkey dinners! Here are some pictures from our excursions:

Orlando Update

2006-12-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

Well we are safely landed in Orlando. Mark, Ray, Eddie and I are here for almost two weeks, first for the American Society of Hematology conference, then for plain fun and relaxation.

We had our first day at the conference yesterday--obviously Mark and I were way more into in than the other two, but we did manage to find a surgically applicable talk for Ray and a peds talk for Eddie. Mark and I will be going back today for some of the ground breaking research presentations.

Last night however, we managed to make it Tutsiville (which is right next to Kennedy Space Center) to watch the launch of the Discovery Shuttle. It was SO cool. We were right on waterfront across from the launch pad. There were a whole bunch of local people lined up sitting on lawn chairs. When the shuttle took off it lit up the entire sky as though it was daylight. It was really awesome.

Happy Birthday Eddie!

2006-12-06T13:19:00.000-08:00

My dearest Eddie is twenty-six today. I am so blessed to have him in my life, he brings me more joy than I could have ever hoped for or imagined! And he's even a bigger nerd than I am--how hard is that to believe! A tribute to the man I love, you are the biggest nerd and I love you all the more because of it. I love your spirit, your compassion, you passion for truth, reason and logic. I love that you always make me laugh, I love your smile, your dimples and the crinkles around your eyes. Happy birthday to the man who won my heart.

Organized Chaos

2006-11-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, I feel as though I need to explain my sort of falling off the earth the past few weeks. Let me say that I really want to be phoning more people and staying caught up in your lives, but I have been consumed.

For example, this week I have:
1) worked one call shift (30 hours in a row) at the hospital
2) I have another call shift on Sunday
3) got passport photos taken for my licencing exam application
4) got my licencing exam application notarized
5) mailed exam app and two other business documents
6) attended RCIA class tuesday night
7) wrote four personal letters for my residency applications (count now 11 done, 1 to go)
8) went to Staples three separate times for invitation printing---they printed them wrong TWICE!
9) went to Costco for invitation printing twice
10) bought groceries
11)went to the pool to swim (only got there once)
12)booked appointments for when I at home in December
13) bought Eddie's birthday gift
14) finished my Christmas shopping (has to be finished before I leave for Orlando)
15) read my research papers for my presentation due in a week

AHG! I cant wait to sit still! I am at the hospital all day, and half the time there is nothing official scheduled for me to do in the afternoons (thanks to the rotation organization), but I am not allowed to leave the hospital. Then when I am finished at five, I am going on a dead run until bedtime. Everytime I cross something off my list of things to do, it seems four more things have been added in the meantime!

Its like I am caught in a frenzied storm and there is no way out, I just have to hold on for dear life and pray I get to the other side. Only nine more days of this rotation, only nine more days at the hospital. I am so READY for vacation!

Three weeks to go...

2006-11-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

-Photo by KAG
This is how happy I will be come Dec 8 when I am on a plane for Orlando! Three weeks left of the term, and I can't wait to be done. Pediatrics is okay, not my favorite, but okay. Just have to finish the rotation, pass the rotation exam, finish our invitations, register to write my liscencing exam, finish my residency applications, do four more call shifts, and then I can leave!

We did our marriage prepartion course this weekend. It was okay, but I expected more. I think it was difficult for the presenters because they were presenting to a variety of couples from differing spiritual backgrounds. I would have preferred if the spirituality aspect was more of a central theme, and touched upon in all the different areas. On our Focus inventory (an inventory questionaire that each of us filled out separately), we scored 92% on our "Readiness for Marriage", so that's good! Eddie also accidently checked that he is concerned about how much alcohol I drink, so drinking issues was highlighted as something we need to discuss if further depth with our Priest. We both had a good laugh about that.

On a different note, we saw the new Bond movie this weekend--seriously they missed the boat on the Bond character; it felt more like a Rambo movie, with Bond as a meat head beating everyone up, rather than a smart, cunning Bond who out wits his opponents. Sigh. I would like to visit Montenegro after seeing the movie though!

Babies

2006-11-12T06:38:00.001-08:00

I am on call today for the Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU). We attended the delivery of 24 week old baby, and it was all I could do to not burst into tears in the delivery suite. I am much too emotional to be able to deal with children who are sick on a regular basis for the rest of my life. The little guy was doing as okay as can be expected, but something inside of me twists in anguish each time I see his frail itty-bitty body struggling to breath, his tiny chest wall heaving with each breath.

And then there was another precious little doll who came back from Saskatoon today that I had to admit. She had been small for her gestational age, and thus is the most delicate perfectly small proportions. Her eyes were larger than the rest of her face, and she was alert and awake, with luminous blue eyes gazing out at me. I had to stop what I was doing and just cuddle her for a solid 10 minutes. This is the other reason I could never be a pediatrician--I would fall in love with all the babies and then not get my work done, and be an emotional mess when it was time to remain calm under pressure.

They really are the most vulnerable members of our society, these the sickest of our littlest people. It truly is a reflection of the society as to how we deal with and treat these our most vulnerable who most need our protection. It is quite poignant seeing the droves of adults swarmed around one little body all vigourously working to revive it, willing it to live. If we do not retain this drive to protect our little ones, we will on the whole be in big trouble. It is our job to be the voice for those cannot speak for themselves--our youngest and our elderly.

Regina Return

2006-11-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

-photo by KAGlubish

193 days until the wedding....but who's counting? Eddie and I are both finally back in Regina together, yay! No more long distance phone calls, at least until the dreaded interview period. I have started Pediatrics this week and I am somewhat terrified of the little goobers--I dont want to break them! Give me old people any day.

Ummm so other than that, the next four weeks are dedicated to not letting little people die, finishing residency personal letters (pick me, pick me letters :), marriage prep weekend course, and RCIA classes. I think November will be a blur!

Tim Hortons Horror

2006-10-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

Eddie and I walked into Tim Hortons on the weekend to find a young man lying on the floor with blood stains on his head and the surrounding tiles.

For a moment my heart stopped. "We are going to have to resuscitate this man"--flashed through my head.

Two seconds later I realized he was conscious and there was a staff member there controlling traffic and that the ambulance had already been called.

At first we then walked past like regular bystanders--then we said to each other " we are probably at the point where we are obligated to help this guy." So we walked back over and offered our help.

We didnt do much--verified the story, took his pulse and then the ambulance arrived, and they have the gear to actually provide real help. He was acutely okay when he left with EMS.

It got us to thinking--next year we for surely are obligated to help in emergencies in public places. I think we are going to have to carry some sort of minor first aid kit, or at least a mask incase we have to do CPR. It kind of scared the crap out of me! Really without IV fluids, proper airway and ventilation support as well as some cool drugs, we are kind of useless in those situations. Oh well, we decided that after next year for sure when we run into situations with people under 18 Eddie will be in charge and I will be in charge with patients over 18, and that we are going to have to carry some sort of minimal gear.

Weekend with the Bolsters

2006-10-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Eddie and I were in Regina with the rest of the Bolster clan for Larry's retirement banquet from Sasktel. We were all dressed up, but as you can see, during the presentation after dinner our table got a little bit silly!

busy JURSI

2006-10-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

The life of a busy JURSI, thats the life for me--for now anyway until med school is over! Only six more months of rotations, the end is almost in sight.

I surprisingly dont have a whole lot to blog about right now, I am on CTU at RUH, which I am enjoying but it keeps me pretty busy between that and my Carms (residency applications) stuff. It was kind of funny yesterday our attending made a joke that I didnt get, I guess it was in reference to a tv commercial, and my team told me I dont watch enough tv. Big surprise!

I think the two most interesting things about this past week have been:
a) Eddie and I started a gift registry on the weekend; we still have lots to do but it was fun to start..
b) When I was on call my team diagnosed a patient in the ER with flesh eating disease and he left against medical advice, refusing to let us treat him--apparently he was going to fly to Calgary for treatment. I am just waiting to hear about him on the news!

ARG!

2006-10-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

What the H#$!
Tonight I tried on my interview suit that I bought at Banana Republic in Edmonton to show it to Tin, and IT STILL HAS A SECURITY TAG ON IT!!!!! I even asked before we left the store if they were all removed because I was leaving the province, and they said, "oh of course!"

Now I have an interview suit with a security tag--so its basically useless until the tag is removed, and oh yes there is no Banana Republic in Saskatchewan. ARGGGG!!!

Thanksgiving

2006-10-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Home for Thanksgiving... So nice to be home, to see my family, whom I have missed so much being on the road these past six months. This is my mom, my sister and I at our good family friend's house. Aren't they lovely? I think so. The only thing missing this holiday was my darling Eddie who is still in Ottawa.

Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time, and enjoy these moments just a little while longer before I have to return to the chaos that is my life. I know the next eight months are going to be a blur, and this weekend was just a chance to catch my breath before the final push to the end of the school year. Deep breaths....

CMDS Regina

2006-10-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

I went to the Ninan's house tonight for Bible study, the first time to CMDS in Regina in a LONG time, as I have been away so much.

It was really nice, they made us tasty Indian food, and we chatted over supper. After supper Mrs. Ninan got out a cake that said "Congratulations" on it, as she had thought Eddie and I would be there together, and it was to celebrate our engagement! It was so sweet :) They decided we had to take pictures of the cakes and email them to Eddie, as he is still in Ottawa. I really felt at home with them there, and I am so thankful that they have us into their home. The study part is always really well prepared, and I feel very encouraged when I leave. Dr. Ninan told me that he and Dr. Akyinbi were "keeping an eye on things" for us students...that was awesome, knowing that there are angels in the form of doctors watching out of us, even when we werent aware of it.

Ottawa Pictures

2006-10-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

There arent that many because I committed a major sin--I forgot the good camera-Gasp! Anyways here are a few from the mini-dig

The Indian restaurant where we nearly died from gastro-intestinal-inferno...

Eddie took a picture of me outside the Canadian Mint...

Saturday in Ottawa

2006-09-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have been in Ottawa since Thursday visiting my dearest Eddie. Today was the first day he didnt have to be at the hospital, yay!

We started the morning off by taking the bus to the Canadian War Museum. Well actually due to my navigation we took the bus past where we were supposed to, and then had to walk back from Quebec to the museum in Ottawa. That only took about 10 min, so that was okay. The CWM was quite somber, but lots of well done exhibits. Its actually in a different building than when I went in 1999.

Then we went to a little pizzeria in the market for lunch and shared a tasty slice of pizza. We had planned to go to another museum in the afternoon, but it was our first day without rain, so we decided to walk around outside instead. We walked the park around Parliament, the outdoor mall on Spark St, and the market. We stopped at two different bakeries to sample their delicate creations--at one we shared an almond-pear tart, and at the next we shared a scrumptious apple turn-over. We got some really funny looks from people as we devoured the turn-over on the side of the road in the market!

Then we had supper at a quaint Indian restaurant. The food was super flavorful, but so spicey I thought I was going to die. It was like the scene from Along Came Polly when Ben Stiller is eating spicey food with Aniston for the first time---seriously, my gut was on fire for a while after supper! So we picked up some gelato after supper to cool our palates (and our esophaguses, and our stomaches...)

We ended the evening with going to see the National Orchestral. They did a Mozart piece with special guest Emmanuel Ax, and Brahms Symphony #2. It was a wonderful end to a superb day.

Shameful Signature

2006-09-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am ashamed to admit--I have spent about 20 minutes tonight trying to figure out what I want my new signature to be like next year when I have a new last name. I didnt ever think I would do that, but I spent a few hours today doing CaRMS paperwork, and had to sign twenty differnent letters, and I sign my name countless times a day at work, and it made me curious as to how I would do my new signature. A doctor's signature is worth a lot--it had better be good!

Yah, I'm a nerd. I'm post call today by the way, I think that accounts for some of the nerdiness, comes out more when tired.....

Date Day in Regina

2006-09-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

My darling Eddie has left again for Ottawa today... I can't wait until we are both finally in the same city again! Everytime we see each other lately one of us has to leave again. We did have a beautiful date day in Regina on Saturday before he had to leave.

Eddie planned a date day for us, and it was all a surprise for me! He had me come over to his appartment around ten am, and we packed a picnic lunch. We then set out on foot, and our first stop was the Royal Saskatchewan museum. It was so much fun to tour around the museum, and it was only a donation to enter! There was a really cool dinosaur exhibit, and the "Paleo-Pit" is the learning pit for kids. It made me totally excited for when we have kids and get to take them to museums and things.

After the museum we had our picnic lunch on a bench by the big pond (aka the "lake"). Totally fun, I love picnics! After that, we were on the trail again, and Eddie took me next to the art gallery, which was free! It was really cool--not as grandiose as the National Art Gallery in Ottawa, but there were some really neat exhibits--one with ancient art work from Rome, Greece and Egypt.

Then we went out for dinner at the Creek Bistro, a quaint little restuarant in the Cathedral area. Neither of us had been there before. The food there was amazing! I started with tapas for one, then I had a chipolte rib-eye steak with tomato and avacado salsa and garlic mashed potatoes. We finished with a mango-apple-mixed berry crisp. So good! I havent eaten like that in a long time!

The last part of the evening was the season opener of the symphony. It was wonderful. He did such a great job planning our date day. I love him so much, and I know he loves me, and he makes me feel like a princess everyday!

And then this morning I had to drive Eddie to the airport at 4:50am! Arg. But the great part is that I get to go to Ottawa this weekend to visit him, I can't wait!

Death of a Patient

2006-09-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

A patient of mine died last week.

Our team was consulted to see him in the ER, and we went, assessed the situation, developed a plan, and admitted him. He was quite sick and was in significant respiratory distress. After we finished with him, we were sent home by our attending at the end of the day. I felt uneasy about him, knowing in my gut he was in rough shape. Apparently our patient's heart went into complete heart block 15 minutes after we left. Cardiology came over from the U, but it proved to be the end of his time here on earth.

I was stunned the next morning to hear of his passing, and sort of numb to be honest. Its strange to have people go so suddenly--now they are here, now they're not.

I talked about it with Eddie that night. There is such a fine line between promoting life and prolonging death. Its not our job to save everyone, but it is our job to treat everyonewith dignity and compassion.

Then on Sunday during the intercessory prayers, my patient's name was read as one of those recently departed members of the Body. It hit me again like a ton of brick in my gut and instantly hot tears overflowed, stinging my eyes; my two worlds colliding. Sometimes its easy to forget that patients are in our community, our fellowship, our neighbourhood. I dont think I will ever learn the 'professional detachment'--I dont think I want to.

Funniest moment of the day...

2006-09-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

A patient told my 5'2" attending who was sitting down with her hands folded, and who is visibly pregnant might I add, that she had threatening posture.

Life through the Kidney

2006-09-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

We had our CMDS welcome BBQ today, and Susan told me how much she enjoys my blog, and that she always checks to see if I have posted--and since I have been quite sparse with the blogging lately, Susan this one is for you.

I am currently doing an elective at St Paul's Hospital in Saskatoon, in Nephrology. It was because of time I spent there in second year with a certain amazing attending that I became interesting in Internal medicine in the first place. I then spent some more time there after second year in the summer and fell in love with internal medicine and specifically the kidney. There is just something about it, hard to explain--thinking through kidney problems comes more easily to me than most other systems.

So this past week was awesome. I think this is likely to be my best elective in terms of educational yield per hour spent at the hospital. We are busy all day, but its busy seeing patients with our attending, with oodles of bedside teaching. The attending staff are a blast to work with--they have SO much fun doing their jobs, and its a wonderful enviroment to work it. I would recommend this rotation as an elective or selective to any and all med students. Several of the attendings were encouraging me to come and join their nephrology group when I was finished training (which is always nice encouragement).

However...

I realized today that none of the female attendings in this department have children. And their pagers go off literally every five to ten minutes. My attending comes in before we (the residents and I) get there in the morning, and stays for hours after we leave. Kidney patients are really sick generally and there are many of them. By Friday I realized, thats really not the life I want.

I want to like my job, but not to the exclusion of everything else. There are other areas of internal medicine that are not as busy, where my pager would not go off every five minutes for the rest of my life, and I might even be able to attend my kids recitals. Heck I might even see my husband long enough to make children! It may mean a field that I have to work harder at to learn the material because it doesnt come so naturally, but I will be able to do it.

Furthermore, I read a chilling article in the Globe and Mail this weekend about euthanasia in Australia, and and one about abortion in Canada, and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach. I had a vision of the disregard for the sanctity of life eating away at the fabric of our society like a black cancer. And in my mind's eye, I saw that every couple that chose to bring life into the world or chose to preserve life would push back some of the cancer. After I read that I told Eddie we should have 10 kids. He said sure.

Basically I need to make sure I dont let myself become SO consumed with medicine that I miss all the other things God has called me to that will make a difference in His Kingdom.

Phantom

2006-09-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

Eddie and I went to go see the live production of Phantom of the Opera in Edmonton this past weekend. It was amazing! We were totally in the nosebleed section, but the music was SO awesome.

That was pretty much the date portion of the weekend--we had plans to go watersliding, to the Symphony Under the Sky concerts, to Superman the movie, and to go mini-golfing. Those other plans took a back seat to finding an interview suit for me, a wedding suit for Eddie, a wedding band for me and shoes for both of us. We were highly motivated to save the PST, and to be able to find what we wanted, knowing that Edmonton offered more selection than Saskatoon, and that we werent going to get a chance to get here again before life gets crazy busy.

There never seems to ever be enough time to do the things we want to do once we have done the things we ought to do. I think life is just like that sometimes. We did decide that we are going to have to be more strict with setting aside time for ourselves, regardless of whether there are other things to do, because sometimes if you dont make time for yourselves, you sadly will get none!

My Fabulous Fiance

2006-09-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

His name is Eddie. He is GREAT! We spent the day in Edmonton together today, our first full day together after three weeks apart (we have been in different cities since sometime in May, sigh). We had a great day--out for breakfast, shopping (bought my wedding band today, so crazy that I have a wedding band...), engagement photos with Kristy-Anne, and then to top it off the three of us went for Thai food for supper.

Seriously I have not laughed so hard since I last saw Eddie. We were visiting after dinner and he had me laughing so hard I was in tears for the better part of an hour. And he bought me beautiful gold earings today! We were back at his cousin's house where he is staying getting ready for our pictures and he says to me, "why dont you try on your wedding band?" So I open the box and out pops a pair of fabulous gold hoops. I was SO surprised! "what are these for?!" I exlcaimed! "Just because, " he replied with a grin. I dont even know when he picked it up today. He got them for me to replace my stainless steel hoops I wear everyday, how sweet!

A Polish Patient

2006-08-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

Somedays I have certain patient interactions that remind me of why I love medicine. Last week I had one such encounter that sticks out in my mind. He was an elderly gentleman, and he spoke with a thick Polish accent that immediately reminded me of my relatives. When I asked him how old he was when he got married, he said "44--thats when I got to old to chase the ladies anymore".

At the end of the interview he asked me when I finished medical school. Next spring I told him. "Next spring eh," he replied. "Well can you be my doctor then? I'd love to have you as my doctor." I had to tell him that it would be at few more years before I could be a specialist, so it would be a bit of a longer wait.

It is so gratifying when patients give you positive feedback. Sometimes that is more rewarding than good feedback from a preceptor.

Stolen from, again.

2006-08-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

My car got broken into tonight. Yes it was locked. No they didnt break a window. No, I dont know how they got in. Yes they stole stuff--my lab coat, my id badge, my palm pilot, some of my text books, and a notebook that I have been writing in all year on rounds. They didnt take my pager. And yes my contact information for my reference letter referees was in my palm pilot.

Why is it that in Alberta of all places, where money is literally flowing out of the ground, do people have to steal? It is such an inconsiderate, selfish thing to do. Because someone else is lazy and corrupt I have to replace my palm pilot, track down my referees contact info, and some how replace all of the hard work that went into my clinical notes. I am so infuriated I could scream.

This is the third time my car has been broken into. That will teach me never to leave anything of value in an automobile.

On the road again...

2006-08-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

Destination this time.... Edmonton!

I was not excited to be living out of a suitcase again, but it came upon me quickly like a thief in the night. Sunday I drove out here. I am staying with my mom's cousin and his family in Sherwood Park. Man is there a LOT of money in Alberta! The hospital here is outrageous. Oh well, I will learn lots I think.

I did have some fun adventures while at on my rural family med time. Eddie and I went to BC for Tim and Erin's wedding...

and we went to play in Vancouver on Sunday...

Grenville Island

Stanley Park...

I also went camping with Arleen and Jenn on the Church Hill River, and narrowly survived the worst thunderstorm I have ever been in. That was quite the adventure.

Tin is in Edmonton at the same time I am here, so hopefully we will get some sweet shopping in...

Engaged!

2006-07-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Eddie asked me to marry him on Friday July 14th on a walk around Wascana Lake. And of course I said yes! I am so excited! Our wedding is going to be on May 19th, 2007 in Prince Albert.

So by popular demand I added a picture of the ring--which I wasnt going to do because photos never do diamonds justice, unless you are shooting in a studio--Anyways, I complied.

Eddie picked it out himself, I never went ring shopping with him, and I absolutely love it.

For you ring buffs out there, it is a 0.51 carat round solitare in an 18 carat yellow gold setting. It is a lovely (tres sparkley) certified Canadian diamond (so no africans had to die for my engagement ring).

Pinic in the Park

2006-07-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

Saturday was date day, yay! I saw Eddie for the first time since my birthday weekend. We had a pinic in the park and then went to Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan. Great day. We had so much fun. Isn't he wonderful? I think so.

Under His Wings

2006-07-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting experience this past week... it involved having to explain to a preceptor why I did not want to go to Planned Parenthood, because I am pro-life. It was a tense few days leading up to the meeting, and I thank everyone who remembered me and my situation in prayer. It was fruitful prayer! I did not know how things would turn out before I went into the meeting, but God was faithful, as He always is. I was scared at first, but that fear was replaced with peace.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

"Whether we admit it or not, there comes for everyone the moment when personal existence must be anchored to a truth recognized as final, a truth that confers a certidude no longer open to doubt." ~John Paul II

Let us cling to the Rock and to what we know to be True...

Canada Day in the Capital

2006-07-01T18:29:00.000-07:00

I spent Canada Day in the Capital today! There is way too many things going on to see everything, but I did go to a free concert by the national orchestra at the national arts center, which was also a childrens choir concert. Awesome to hear the national anthem played by such musicians on Canada Day!

I then ventured downtown and to Parliament Hill...the entire downtown area is closed to vehicles and is a huge festival. There is a huge main stage infront of the Peace Tower where there was a live concert. I think there was at least 100 000 people when I left downtown!

Ride the wave

2006-06-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

As I got my bicycle out of the garage today, I marvelled at how my body goes through the rhythmical movements as if by rote to carry me to the hospital: it would require a very conscious and deliberate act of defiance for me to not make there.

While I rode, I pondered at how swiftly the past six months have passed. It is as though I am riding a wave, and it will carry me to the end almost regardless of what I do. The wave has so much momentum that I couldnt stop and get off, even if I wanted to. Not that I want to. It is a very strange sensation to feel as though you are moved with an invisible force that is larger than life itself. As if by instinct, my body mind and soul have learned what to do to ride the wave. Ride or peril in attempting to quit. Might as well learn to enjoy the ride, since I am already on the wave...

I was almost startled when I found myself at the end of the day. It is as though the path is set, and I have no control over the course. Three years ago I made a decision to get on this wave, and wherever He decides this wave will go, so will I. I had the choice as to whether or not to get on, but now hold on for the ride, cling to what you hold dear, and pray you make it to the shore with the things that are most important still intact. I dont even know really where this wave ends, I just know I am on it.

I think that if one is not careful, this tremendous momentum would carry you all the way through one's entire life, at a ridiculous pace, all the way to the end. I think there will be crucial points in the journey, decisions that will determine whether to stay on this wave, or to get on ones with different momentum, and different courses. The challenge will be to be alert enough and discern those decisions when they are in front of you, and to not just let them glide right by without recognizing their significance.

Social Relief

2006-06-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

Praise God for the weekend. I have had a long week at the General, and I am very much ready for two days off!

My solitude has been alleviated in part this week by two girls I have met here in particular. One is Emily, the dorm dean for the college who is living here this summer, and the other is Sarah, Sheila's niece who I have gotten to know a little while I am here. There was watching game 7 of the Stanely Cup finals with Sarah at her appartment while baking cookies earlier in the week, supper for celebrating Emily's birthday yesterday, and today I went out with Sarah and some of her small group friends.

Tonight we went to a violin concert put on by one of Sarah's friends. It was in a little church that is no too far from the hospital. We were adventurous and took the bus to get there (I am still afraid of the bus system--I have anxiety about missing the bus and being late for things). Anyways we made it there just fine. We then afterward went to the market for gelato and walked around Parliament. The market was really vibrant and alive at night, with the sunset sinking in the background sky--all the streets had the trees all light up, and sidewalk lanterns glowing with soft yellow light. There were of course people out in droves, in all sorts of attire, some really elegant and posh, to the very granola, or the grunge goth. It was a very high stimuli experience, almost to sensory overload, with sights, sounds and smells. I smelt a wide array of smoke tonight, ranging from cigarettes, to cigars, to marjiuana and everything inbetween!

Anyways, the city was beautiful, with the park areas smelling dewy and lush, with the trees in full bloom. It made me miss Eddie, as I would love to experience the Ottawa downtown at night with him!

Adventures in Solitude

2006-06-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

I went to the market today for about two hours with Emily, the other girl who is staying at the College. And then I spent the rest of the day by myself. I went back downtown, and wandered around the airconditioned Rideau Center to escape from the stiffling Ontario humidity. It is amazing how I can feel totally alone while surrounded by bustling, jostling masses of people. People all around, noisy, loud, with no one really talking. Bumping into other people, but no one really connecting.

Even amidst the swarms of crowds, my own thoughts echo loudly in my head. I am alone with the voice in my head. It is a strange thing to be alone by circumstance, rather than by choice. At home being alone is a choice--I can at any moment pick up a phone and initiate a social interaction with people I know well. Here I am alone by default. I dont think I could be busy, even if I tried. Its like an imosed social hiatus. My phone rings once a day--when Eddie calls me for our daily conversation. And somedays my mom phones too. Those are the two voices that link me to the on-going world.

Two more weeks.

24 with warm hearts and wet feet

2006-06-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

I spent my 24th birthday this weekend in Saskatoon with Eddie, my wonderful boyfriend. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to go home for the weekend. My heart always feels at ease when I fly into the Saskatoon airport after I have been away for a while.

Eddie planned a hot air balloon ride, but due to the inclement weather, this was post-poned until a later weekend this summer. So we went for a walk along the river bank in the rain instead, sporting the "Gustbuster", Eddie's hurricane proof golf umbrella. While the weather was cool and rainy, it was still beautiful. My feet did get alarmingly drenched however! This was followed by supper at Keos, watching the end of the hockey game, doing our reading for Church the next day, and watching a movie. It was a low-key weekend, but deliciously fantastic.

And then to my delight my parents came into town for lunch the next day. We wound up at Montana's--without me putting it together that that meant moose hat for me. And of course, Eddie made sure to inform the waitress that he would like the moose hat for my birthday. At least we got some good photos out of that!

And now my Eddie is off to Newfoundland, and I am back in Ottawa, with another four weeks until we see each other again. Hopefully they will pass by quickly!

Big City Burnout

2006-06-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have decided I wouldnt like to live in a big city. Why you ask? Why when there are so many exciting things to do, the restaurants, the shopping, the arts, the shows, the sporting events, the market, the downtown (all of whick I find fun and exciting by the way)--why wouldnt you want to live in a big metropolitan city like that?

I will tell you why--or at least some of the reasons why.

When I arrived back in Ottawa after my birthday weekend at home, I stood around and waited for my bags at the luggage carosel. The trouble was it took three times longer than it does in Saskatoon.

Next I went outside and stood in a line up that was thirty people deep to get a taxi. More waiting.

Then, I took a 25 minute, $30.00 cab ride back to my temporary residence. Did you know it takes about 10 minutes to get to the airport in Saskatoon? Yes more waiting.

In the hospital, where I am doing my elective, I wait more still. I wait for the residents to get all the interesting patients with active problems, then I might get a patient to see. I wait and watch while the fellows do all the procedures. At half day, I take a 20 minute cab ride to get to the other site where the lectures are. I ask the nurses everyday if there are any IVs I can practice starting. So far I have had the chance to start one. I definitely notice more here than in smaller centers, that I really am the lowest rung on the ladder. "Oh you're still just a baby" one nurse sarcastically crooned at me while I was assessing a patient. Am I part of the team? Sort of--not a full fledged member anyways.

And to be honest, I find Ontario people for the most part (not all, but in general), more hoity-toity than maritimers or prairie people. They are afterall the sophistication center of the country.

I have however been very warmly received by John and especially Sally, who have gone out of their way to make sure I am looked after while I am staying at Augustine. They have been a blessing. But this is a function of the Christian community, which thanks be to God, can be found even in the booming metropolis of Ottawa.

But of this I know--if given the opportunity to live in a more modest city, I would choose that. While the larger cities have some exciting flare and pizzaz, in the end, the benefits of a smaller community, with people who me and I know them, and less time spent commuting and standing in lines, where I am a person not a number, is ultimately what will tip the scales for me. I think of all the time that is spent waiting in these bigger cities, and I think how precious is that time, that I could be doing something more meaningful than standing in a line, or labouriously travelling to and from my workplace.

my life the novella

2006-06-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

I think medical school electives are like living in a "choose your own adventure" novel.

Today I went to church with Sally Patrick, and then had a lovely conversation afterwards with her for several hours.

Later in the afternoon I found myself kareening down the Ottawa bike paths on a borrowed hot pink road bike, and a old school helmet, on my way to find the hospital I need to report to tomorrow morning. And literally only yesterday I was in Halifax, smelling the salty ocean air, doing things like going on a sailboat, or touring a fortress. Definitely choose your own adventure. Although I think I will have pudenal nerve injury from this adventure when its over--it hurts to sit down tonight, and I was only biking for an hour!

I also bought fresh produce at the market, and walked around downtown. I really do love the market. So fresh, so fun, bustling, colorful, alive.

It going to be difficult to get any school reading done this week, with Augustine running a course with evening lectures this first week. Oh well. I will have three more weeks to read nephrology after that!

Home to Augustine: Ottawa Day 0

2006-06-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today I arrived in our capital city, for the beginning of a four week stay. Even upon landing, the differences between Halifax and Ottawa become more strikingly apparent. It simply put is more metropolitan. The people are more urbanized as a rule--like wearing high heeled shoes to the grocery store urbanized. More arts, more museums, more en francais, more politics. I bought a Globe and Mail in the airport, and I was again reminded that the politicians they talk about, make their home in the city I will be living in for the next month.

As my cab, to the tune of a $28.00 fare, pulled up to Augustine College I was enveloped with a sense of familiarity. I spent a week here two summers ago, and not much has changed. It still is a magnificent two storey character home, with creeping ivy cloaking the exteriour, spacious rooms, hardwood floors, period appropriate furniture, noble bookcases brimming with volumes upon volumes of treasures. The living room has no television, but rather reading lights mounted to the wall behind every chair, a piano, and boardgames on the shelves. It is a room designed to nurture conversation, human interaction and enriching the mind. Almost as soon as I got here I found myself slipping into using vocabulary that has remained dormant for some time, as I here words like precocious, and austere used in everyday conversation with ease around me.

The air is thick and heavy, descending on the city like a wet blank today, as we were showered from above relentlessly. I apprecitated my access to automotive transportation at home as I walked several blocks with my cumbersome parcels from the grocery store. Yet as I sit in my room, with the windows open and the fan circulating the humidity, I am somewhat enchanted with this place. Being here amplifies my desire to read and to read endlessly. I want to devour the Word, and Lewis, and Kreeft, and Tolstoy, and Potok, and ... It seems that some places exhilarate my appetite for learning and betterment of my mind, whereas others only dampen it, and coax me to mental lethargy. I cannot yet pin-point what factors make this difference, but I know that when I have a home of my own, I want it to promote the former not the later!

Halifax Day 21

2006-06-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

Today I leave this beautiful coastal city and I fly out to Ottawa. Ottawa has its own charm, but I will miss Halifax. I feel comfortable here. It is strange to pack up all my things and to see my empty room.

The number...

2006-06-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today was my second last day in Halifax. I fly to Ottawa on Saturday.

I spent most of today marvelling over the fact that it was June 1. Every year when it all of a sudden is June, I am usually almost startled to realize June has arrived. Out of no where, its my birthday month, with less than two weeks until I have my birthday.

I must say, that since Eddie and I are together, my birthday doesnt have any 'sense of impending doom' attached to it. This year I turn 24. I still distinctly recall that when I was 18, and 19 years old, my family was saying --oh you are so young, dont even think about getting married for years! This was fine and dandy at that time, when I was still dating my 'high school sweetheart'. That of course as we all know ended in the beginning of my first year of university. Then almost the day I turned 20 it has been, 'so do you have a boyfriend?', 'when are you going to find someone?' etc. This went on for the better part of FOUR years! Oh granted, I was never really that old, and I was quite satisfied with my life, but for whatever reason, each year that ticked by, the number sounded larger and larger, like I was encroaching on old maid-dom. This of course was a silly cultural perspective, that didnt actually reflect reality. Funny though, now that Eddie and I are happily dating, the number 24 doesnt sound like a label, rather it sounds like just a number. Strange isnt it?

Halifax Day 14

2006-05-27T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today marks my last Saturday in Halifax, as I fly out to Ottawa next Saturday. Jessi left early this morning, so my travelling buddy has left! I have a feeling this week will be much more low key. I went to the market to explore a little more this morning, and that was a lot of fun. I got some nice havarti, some fresh pitas and some very tasty hummus. I also checked out the handblown glass and crystal store on the harbour walk, but everything in there was over $100.00, so needless to say I never picked up anything! Then I got completely absorbed into a used book store on Barrington--I am not sure how long I was in there. I found a copy of Anna Karina, and two Chaim Potok novels, so I bought those three books, and I am actually very excited to read them. Although I plan on finishing Brothers Karamazov first, as I have been working on that for a while. That is the project for this week, as Jessi is gone- start running again, and finish some good novels.

The rest of the day has been spent working on a presentation that I have to give on Tuesday at Endocrinology clinical rounds. This is the "oh yah, I am still a student" reminder. My entire bed is covered with books, and I have spent most of the day reading journal articles. Yet, nerdy as this sounds, I much prefer reading journal articles when they are in attempts to answer a real clinical question. Yes I am a geek, sa la vie.

I was talking with one of Sharon and Cal's friends last night (they had company over), and we wer just talking about life, the things we enjoy, you know the sort of stuff you talk about with a person when you have just met them. At one point she remarked, "your life sounds so exciting!" This was an interesting persepective. To outsiders, the fact that I get to travel across the country on electives is famously exciting. Most days I dont feel like my life is exciting at all! Especially days like today when I am working, burried in medical literature all day. But on the whole I guess it is quite lively. Its more like short burst of excitement interspersed between large volumes of hard work. Most people probably have a very dramatacized, glamorous view of life in medicine, thanks to tv shows like Gray's Anatomy. I was thinking about this the other day, and about how if I really knew what medicine entailed before I started, I dont know if I would have done it. I would have thought the sacrifices were too great. But I also wouldnt have appreciated how rewarding it is, so on the whole I am glad I am here. God truly only does reveal to us what we need to know at the time.

Delicate voice

2006-05-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have been reading non-medical books at an embarrassingly slow pace these days. Alack. However, I am nicely into Go In Peace by John Paul II, and it is rich with Truth and Wisdom. I decided to quote from what I read yesterday as I found it to be so well written.

"Truth cannot be disregarded in order to place the blame for an individual's sins on external factors such as structures, systems, or other people. Above all, this would be to deny the person's dignity and freedom, which are manifested --even though in a negative and disasterous way--in his responsibility for the sin committed. There is nothing so personal and nontransferable in each individual as merit for virtue or responsibility for sin. Like all things human, the conscience can fail and encounter illusions and errors. It is a delicate voice that can be overpowered by a noisy, distracted way of life, or almost suffocated by a long-lasting and serious habit of sin.

Conscience needs to be nurtured and educated, and the preferred way to form it--at least for those who have the grace of faith--is to relate it to the biblical revelation of the moral law, authoritatively interpreted with the help of the Church and the Holy Spirit."

Go In Peace, John Paul II

This is why it is so important for us to guard our lives, to ensure that we do not become so distracted that our conscience fails, falling into illusions and errors. The still small voice inside of us can so easily be lost in the chaotic noise. This is one of the primary reasons why for the past four years I have not had cable tv in my house---it too easily becomes a near constant source of background noise that gunks up my filter.

Halifax Day 9

2006-05-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

Victoria Day in Nova Scotia!

We had an early start to the day, at the Citadel for its opening and we caught the first tour. They did a 21 gun salute at noon for Queen Victoria as it is Victoria Day and all today. Wow was it cold out today. The citadel was really interesting, it made me think that the two World Wars would have seemed much more tangible here in Halifax than at home as they were a major port to ship out troops. The system of defenses for the harbour are simply astounding. Did you know the Halifax harbour is the second deepest natural harbour in the world?

The view from atop the Citadel, overlooking the Harbour.

We also toured the Alexander Keith's Brewery
today. Established in 1820, it is the oldest working brewery in North America. The tour was really well done, with actors dressed as characters from 1863, taking us through the brewery and its courtyard and the old inn, singing and dancing for us too. They gave us beer samples at the end of the tour. The id-ed Jessi Matt and I! I totally thought they were joking but oh no, they seriously wanted to see our id! And I sampled my first mug of beer. They let us try the new Keiths Amber Red Ale. I actually didnt mind it, I could enjoy having a glass of it. I didnt finish it mind you, and I think at best all I could ever drink would be half a pint. Anyways it didnt have the nasty bitter taste that all other beers I have tasted have. Although I am not about to have a 'beer of choice', as red ale is only sold in the maritimes!

And with Eddie in Edmonton, and I in Halifax, we video conference every night to stay in touch. Its not nearly as good as being in the same place, but it does make things a little easier.

Halifax Day 8

2006-05-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

Another day out exploring in Halifax. Today's adventure included a sail on a real honest to goodness sailboat! How cool is that!

The boat we took while it was docked...

Practicing my pirate face

Jessi and I on deck....

The three muskateers

So I definitely do want to learn how to sail one day! It was so much fun being out on the water on the boat, no motors or engine noises, just the wind and the sea!

So Ottawa used to be my favorite Canadian city outside of Saskatchewan, but I think Halifax now has the edge over Ottawa. A charming, picturesque city, with a wealth of history, lots of parks and green spaces, fun exciting things to do, outdoor adventures at your doorstep, fresh seafood and the city is not monsterously large.

We went for supper on the wharf tonight, and the restaurant had live jazz music tonight! So great.

Halifax Day 7

2006-05-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

Jessi, Matt and I spent the day touring around Halifax and the Nova Scotia coast. I will let the photos do most of the narrating...

Peggy's Cove

The sea side town of Mahone Bay...

A scenic golf course we saw from across the cove at Lundenburg...

Ferry ride across the harbour to Dartmouth.

Supper at MacAskills in the Darmouth Ferry terminal overlooking the harbour at sunset. Matt tackled a huge lobster and succeeded.

The harbour at night on the ferry ride back to Halifax...

Halifax Day 5

2006-05-18T17:08:00.000-07:00

I had a good day today--other than the fact that I am still sick!

I received really positive feedback from the preceptor I was with today, in fact he told me I was fantastic! It was the first day where I have felt like there is hope for me and I will become a quality internist. Its so nice to get a 'gold star', when you know it is genuinely being given.

Then after work today, Jessi and Matt (Jessi's boyfriend who arrived in town today, he is here for the long weekend), and I went walking downtown, and out for supper. The only unfortunate thing is that it was SO FOGGY! We could barely see 3 meters infront of us, and it was also really icy cold too. Oh well, we had fabulously tasty fish and chips at Pineau's Cafe (thank you Kelly and Sarah for recommending it). A quaint little restaurant that looks like it was an old two storey house at one time, and had darling little tables, bright red walls, white trim, and flowers inside. And the best fish and chips I have ever tasted for $7.50! Such a good deal. We also walked to the Citadel, but the fort closes at 1700h everyday, so we will have to go back on the weekend.

Pineau's Cafe..

Jessi and Matt on the Harbour Walk.

Here we are trying to find our way through the fog, with the Citadel in the background. The city is very erie when it is laden with dense fog!

Speaking of erie, there are graveyards every couple blocks downtown it seems! This is the graveyard I walk past every day to on my way to and from the hospital.

Halifax Day 4

2006-05-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

Interesting day today. First off at the hospital I saw a case of Paget's Disease of the bone today. I have never seen that before! It was pretty interesting. Every case we see has very marked pathology, so I will have a good array of patient characactures in my head for the different diseases.

There are also tonnes of patients on insulin pumps for diabetes here, and I was speaking with the "pump trainer" today, and she says that there are only 20 pumps that are sold to Saskatchewan patients every year, and hundreds to Nova Scotia, and the populations are about the same size. I think this is partly because there are almost no endocrinologists in the province!

Jessi and I went for a walk down Barrington street tonight after supper. The town was much more lively today because there was no rain. Although, wow is it cold here! The crisp ocean winds cut right to the bone. I am wearing longsleeved shirts, a fleece and a wind-breaker and still chilled.

Anyways, we wound up at a Free Trade coffee shop for warm drinks, and sat down to relax. Just so happens that a poetry open mike started moments after we got there, so we stayed for the hour of poetry. There was actually a guy there by invitation from Vancouver so that was cool. The creative energy of the people we heard tonight amazed me. It is as though there was so much energy bubbling forth from them it was only their skin holding them in. So alive, so vibrant. On one hand it reminded me of how I feel as though my creative side has run dry, and on the other hand, if I am parched, it is refreshing to sit and bask in the vivid imaginations of others.

I am really enjoying the city. The biggest force pulling me back to the prairie is and will always be the people there, the family and friends with whom my soul is at ease, because those people are unique to Saskatchewan.

Halifax Day 3

2006-05-16T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am settling into the Endocrinology department nicely here. Today I was doing follow-ups on consults that are in-patient, and saw one new consult. Every patient that we see is wickedly complicated with multiple endocrine pathologies, as well as long standing comorbidities. I think that it was a really good choice as I am learning LOTS, and well we have all of about two endocrinologists in Saskatchewan right now. I see at several complicated diabetics every single day, so I think I will likely achieve my objective of being more comfortable with diabetes managment before I go home.

There is definitely a difference between being a 'clinical clerk' and a JURSI. Here we cant sign any orders on our own, so it really doesnt feel like I am really contributing to patient care at all. We definitely have more responsibility at home. It really is a fine balance between enough responsibility and independence with enough teaching and senior support.

Then after supper Jessi and I went walking about the city. We explored the Harbour Walk along the waterfront which is rich with character. It was deary and rainy when we started, and proceeded to torrential downpour. The pier was very quiet, but full of shops, mueseums, boat tour wickets and lots of fun things to do. I think we will go back in better weather, and then I think it will be teeming with bustling activity. We then walked past the Citadel which was covered in dense fog, so we could not see it, and then on to Spring Garden Road (a larger version of Broadway Ave) and stopped at a gelato cafe for a treat. It was a lot of fun, but by the time I got home it was thundering and lightening, and I was sopping wet up to my waist, with several hundred mls of water in my shoes!

No pictures today as I wasnt going to take my camera out in the flood!

Halifax Day 1

2006-05-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Jessi is also here on elective so we spent the afternoon exploring downtown Halifax.

Public gardens in downtown Halifax...

Faculty of Medicine building at Dalhousie University.

Beautiful houses in the charming downtown...

Jessi and I at Pleasant Point Park...

Atlantic Ocean!

So tomorrow I start my first day at the hospital. I am a little nervous, but it will be ok. Its tempting to just go sight-seeing for three weeks, but I guess I will have to go do some learning while I am here too!

Halifax Day 0

2006-05-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today I arrived in Halifax. Well after flying first to Calgary, then Calgary to Halifax. It definitely was a long plane ride!

My host graciously picked me up at the airport. Cal is an attending Hematopathologist, and Sharon is a PT. They then took me with them to a house warming party for a couple they work with. Really nice people, laid back. We spent the evening dining, playing foosball and singing kareokee. I have a nice big room to myself with internet access, and they have a lovely appartment blocks away from the hospital.

I arrived here at night, so I have yet to appreciate the city fully, but what I have seen so far is wonderful. Very picturesque, old character homes beautiful trees. I have yet to see the water, but I plan to go exploring tomorrow. Too bad it didnt take so long to get here from home. The people already are very welcoming and are making me feel right at home, and the city is not monstrously large, and its extremely charming.

2006-05-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

This week is the last week Eddie and I will be together in the same city until basically November. Groan. We will have brief spots of time intermittently between now and then, but it will be a long expanse of time I think.

These past three weeks have been bitter sweet--I have realized even more reasons why I love this man, and how blessed I am that we are in relationship. Yet, now going away on electives is no longer just an adventure. It means being apart from someone dear to me. Sigh. But the sorrow of separation is worth the joy of relationship in the end.
More reasons Eddie is fabulous:
1) when we were at Jerry's for supper, and I suggested we should play a boardgame, his response was, "Lets make one up right here!" So he proceeded to make a modified chess game with the salt and pepper shakers, the glasses and other condiments. Of course this made me release peals of laugher.
2)He suggested the Chewbacca noises would be an appropriate ring tone for his calls to my phone.
3)He let me pick out the "Here without you" song by three doors down as the ring tone on his phone for my calls...its so cheesy but true, and yet he has it on his phone!
4)He bought me a pedicure at Ethos as a "just because I thought you would really enjoy it gift".
5) He is exceedingly patient with me even when I am irritable and irrational.

I could go on, but I wont. Basically I really appreciate him, and I will miss him a lot.

2006-05-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

"What we need to foster, in ourselves and in others, is a contemplative outlook. Such an outlook arises from faith in the God of life, who has created every individual as a wonder. It is the outlook of those whos ee life in its deeper meaning, who grasp its gratuitousness, its beauty, and its invitation to freedom and responsibility. It is the outlook of those who do not presume to take possesion of reality, but instead accept it as a gift, discovering in all things the reflection of the Creator and seeing in every person their own living image. "
~ Pope John Paul II

I havent had much time for contemplating these past few weeks--or I havent made or set aside time, however you decide to look at it. Either way, as I started to read Go in Peace by the late Pope this weekend, I found the first few pages refreshing to my soul. Most days I feel as though my brain is stretched taut, and there is no more room to give. The weekend comes and relieves some of the tension, but by monday my brain will go back on the stretching rack. I need to develop more discipline in setting aside my time for contemplating and for studying (separate times), even when I am exhausted. In the long run avoiding the things I should do only makes everything worse later on!

change is in the wind...

2006-05-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

My time in Saskatoon is rapidly coming to a close! Just one more week here in the Toon Town.
I start my electives after that--Halifax is my first destination. I am a little bit nervous, especially about how I will get around in these other citys sans auto. But countless students before me have done it, and I will do it too.

Honestly though, I feel as though I am atrophying in everyother area of my life some days. I have almost nothing to talk about other than medicine--how boring is that? Sigh. The perpetual strive for balance sometimes takes a back seat as I try to keep my nose above water. So I appologize to my friends and family for my lack of conversational ability this last little while. And I really appreciate the people who have made extra efforts to get me outside of my med bubble these past few weeks.

not much to report

2006-05-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

This week I am on General Internal Medicine at City Hospital. I really enjoy it. But I have nothing much to report! I go to the hospital, then I come home and do it over the next day. I think residency will be very busy, and I hope that I am able to retain my other interests while I get further into this 'training to be a doctor' business.

Eddie and I went to a swanky benefit dinner and silent auction for the Children's Health and Hospital Foundation on the weekend. Eddie was given the tickets by the Pediatrics department, so we got to go for a fancy dinner for free. It was a lot of fun, and we got to just hang out with the peds residents afterward and see them interact in a non-hospital setting. Eddie is totally 'in' with the peds dept. All the attendings who were there were trying to convince him to do pediatrics! I was really proud of him; he has made a very good impression on docs, and he will be an excellent pediatrician.

Other than that, just going to work, and trying to learn about internal medicine. I really like internal patients, and when I think that I am not even half finished my training, I am re-assured that I will eventually learn what I need to know to be a good doc.

Celebrating

2006-04-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

So the group of us Saskatchewan girls threw a bridal shower for the lovely BC born Erin, just before she flies home to marry our very own Saskatchewan boy Tim E this summer. To our good fortune they will be making Saskatchewan their home after this summer!

We played a game where all the guests brought some of their own sleepware, and Erin had to figure out who sleeps in what. She was quite perplexed to as she tried to guess who sleeps in a tiny pink fuzzy thing!

As is custom, we 'showered' the bride with gifts...

And as is also custom, some of the gifts made her the 'blushing bride'!

And these are the gorgeous Gerbers and lilies that Eddie gave me to celebrate my arrival to Saskatoon, and getting to spend four weeks together in toon town. They filled Tin's appartment with their heavenly fragrance for over a week.

How do you eat an elephant?

2006-04-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

One bite at a time.

Last week was somewhat overwhelming for me in many respects. However, as always, in the place of feeling pressed on all sides, God revealed Himself yet again, and the Holy Spirit shed some light on a few things for me:

1) I am not nearing the end of the woods in terms of knowledge of medicine. This past week I think I only started to realize how deep the forest really is, and how far I have yet to go. But its just like every other time that I have encountered a new learning curve--it is intimidating at first, and seems insurmountable, but as I set back, and decide to go one day at a time, I eventually learn to function at that next level; although it takes a lot of steep uphill climbing to get there. The last time I can recall this sort of scenario was the year I started medical school. I really shouldnt be surprised that it would get harder again! But He will see me through. It is a humbling thing to be reminded that on my OWN, I CANT do it. Through HIM I can. This is a seemingly subtle, but oh so key distinction.

2) Christ is my Savior--not any of the things He blesses me with. Those are His to give and take away. I am not saved or 'held together' by the ways He blesses me. Those are Graces He has afforded me. Its the old addage "God is more concerned with your character than with your comfort". I have been frequently uncomfortable these past few months. God is stretching me. It is unpleasant a lot of the time, sometimes down right painful. But there is also a lot of joy He has brought me too.

3) Do I trust Him? He has been faithful in all things, working out the details of my life with exacting precision, in ways beyond anything I could ask or imagine. He has brought me this far, He will not leave me here. He will see me through. I will reach the other side.

Funny, none of these things are truly 'new' realizations, but like all important lessons in life, they are often repeated.

A day in the Life

2006-04-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Wow. Saskatoon JURSI is a different flavor than Regina.

First of all, the attending I am with this week knows EVERYTHING about everything. Seriously. She is an Infectious Disease specialist, ran hospitals in Africa for years, knows everything about almost all specialities. She's brilliant. So naturally, my own lack of knowledge becomes painfully obvious when viewed in that light.

Second, we actually do real rounds here--I see my patients on my own in the morning, then in the afternoon the team rounds -- the attending, two residents, two JURSIs, a pharmacist and a pharmacy student. And thus on rounds the grilling of JURSIs happens. Quizzed and questioned, having to say all to often, "I dont know". This is a STRONG motivator to go home and study.

Third--its exhausting tromping around feeling as though you are incompetent ALL day. I think its that chronic feeling of "man I dont know ANYTHING, I have GOT to study more" that is really exhausting. Its not the physical walking around all day. Its mental exhaustion.

Fourth I realize I am going to be exhausted everyday for the next five to six years.

But even with all that--its still fun. Go figure.

He Is Risen

2006-04-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

He Is Risen Indeed.

Today is the day that Christians celebrate the Resurrection--the empty tomb. Our Jesus not only died on the Cross, but three days later He Rose again. Praise be to God!

It amazes me, but doesnt really surprise me, that the rest of our society thinks that this holiday is only about eggs and bunnies. Its sad really, how the real meaning of this celebration has been lost in a heap of chocolate. Why do we endorse the comercialization of our sacred Holy Days?

But that said, there is a remnant of the faithful--to whom today is a profoundly joyous day. The day that changed all of human history forever, is celebrated around the world by those who acknowledge Him as Lord and Saviour.

Happy Easter!

Welcome Back

2006-04-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Saskatoon on Thursday, and my soul feels so much more at ease. Back into the place where I am surrounded with the familiar, and with the people whom I love to spend my time with. Already phone calls with Heather, Camille, Erin making plans to visit--delightful. Oh, Regina is an adventure alright--but so is JURSI by itself. It will be very nice to have four weeks in a familar place before I take off all over for electives. And nice to be in the same city as Eddie--even if his parents have a cat!

Grim Reaper

2006-04-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

"Medicine is by definition a moral activity" ~ John Patrick

I had my first death of a patient this week. I wasnt actually in the room when he died, but all the same, the experience has affected me. These are the things they do not teach you in medical school--what to do when you are there as a family is being told their loved one is now terminally ill, with days or even only hours to live. Watching a wife and 12 year old son as they cry, overcome with grief, at losing their husband and father. How to discuss the "CT films with good teaching points"---while the family is meters away in another room, and the patient lies at death's door a few meters in the other direction. Seeing streams of relatives, brothers, sisters, tiny young nephews come in to say their final goodbyes. What to do as your insides become liquid, your heart pounds in your ears, your eyes sting with tears, and you feel like you cant breathe.

How to remain "professional" and still be human?

Even with our best medicines, we cant save everybody--it is one thing to cognitively know this, another to experience it. As I read about the condition that was the cause of death for my patient today, the 25% mortality rate was more than just a number. 1 in 4. And the worst part is, for this patient--it was devastating misfortune. He had absolutely no risk factors for the disease that was his demise, the doctors still dont know why he got it--and he went from normal and healthy, to a few minor symptoms in a month, then minor symptoms to dead in less than a week.

I can see how without Jesus many doctors loose their hope.

Digital Camera back in full force

2006-04-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

So my digital camera that I thought became a very expensive rattle last semester is now working again (miraculously I do believe), and Eddie had graciously given me a cable to hook up to my IBook (I had thrown out the cable in the move because I thought I didnt need it anymore!). So anyhoo, my blog will be much more picturesque again. Yay!

So here are some pictures from JURSI night out in Regina, sponsored by the RQHR. Definitely the being thrown into hostile living conditions has caused the group of us to bond, cling to one another if you will, especially since most of us dont know other people here, nor do we have the time to cultivate extra-medical relationships. So the tighter knit we become...

Mark-o finally lets me get a photo with him..

Ray, charming as always...

The lovely Janelle is home from electives finally!

And free food always tastes better than what the poor student budget can buy... and yes that is Myles, trying to pose as a Regina JURSI while here on elective.

And even Schweitz made it out! Can you believe it!

And while I am photo documenting, Eddie came to PA with me this weekend to visit the fam.

Bald is irresistable!

And, one more funny story to close out the post... we got to Saskatoon for me to drop Eddie off (he is doing Peds there for six weeks, and I am still in Regina for four more days, I digress). Anyways, his mom came out to visit with us when we got there. First thing she says to me,
"I am SO HAPPY you guys are dating!!! I told Eddie, 'good choice'!" No joking! She was literally gushing over the fact that I was dating her son. I was a little embarassed, but I guess I dont have to wonder whether or not she approves of me!

Photo Update

2006-04-05T23:16:00.000-07:00

A brief sampling of some of the highlights of the last month or so....work hard play hard!

Our brief day trip to BC took us to the lovely Radium Hot Springs...

On the hill at Lake Louise

On the Lake behind Chateau Lake Louise...

Brittney and I lounge for a night at the Temple Gardens Spa in Moose Jaw to celebrate her 19th Birthday...the celebration is a few months belated.

JURSIs get a night off to go out for grub! Look mom, no scrubs!

Being silly....

My lovely orchids...

23 y/o female; Day 2 in ICU

2006-04-04T22:47:00.000-07:00

Today was great. I was incharge of two patients in the ICU, followed up their progress, and then presented them to the Intensivist at rounds. One patient with COPD, and one patient with--wait for it--methanol poisoning with concurrent ethanol intoxication requiring dialysis! I was calculating Anion Gaps, Osmolar Gaps, looking up methanol toxicity levels....so great! Honestly, its like doing puzzles all day.

I didnt mind psych, it was even fun at times, but I think its an adaptive mechanism, to start to enjoy what you are doing if you have to do it for a long time--that is of course if you dont absolutely despise it. And its easier to convince yourself that you enjoy something, when its been a long time since you have been able to do the thing your really enjoy best; then you forget how good something actually is. Like a cup of coffee on Easter Sunday after having given up coffee for Lent. And likely Psych seemed quite good because it was following Obs and Gyne!

Romance in Medicine

2006-04-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

Today Eddie left for Saskatoon--he is doing his six weeks of pediatrics there, then we both take off for electives, rural family med, CTU in Saskatoon etc. So with our two JURSI schedules, between now and Christmas time (45 weeks) we will be spending all of eleven weeks in the same city. Somewhere between the combined itinerary of Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Saskatoon, Prince Albert, Moose Jaw, Ottawa, Halifax, and St. Johns (NFLD), we will see each other for those few 11 weeks! And lets not forget that we have two 1 in 4 call schedules to deal with, so even when we are in the same city its remarkable when either of us is not on call or post call, that is where we both have the night off and actually slept the night before!

This weekend was a 'free' weekend--I have finished one rotation, and have not started the next one, thus no pressure to be studying etc, just two glorious days where I could NOT feel behind. There were moments today, when we were just hanging out, the quiet moments of sharing a meal together, going to church together, or even just watching a movie together ---in these moments, the thought of just quitting school and being a normal person who worked a normal 8-5 job, who sees the people they care about on a daily basis---these thoughts crossed my mind. I wonder--is the sacrifice of travelling all over the country, being on call 1 in 4, sleeping little and working lots, spending months at a time away from my family, friends and now my boyfriend, is this sacrifice worth it?

I think it is. There is a cost, a price to pay, and it wont be easy; it isnt easy. But I think about the alternative, and I know that while the alternative to medicine would be gratifying for a while, but quickly thereafter I would get bored. Medicine is where I belong, it is what God has placed on my heart as where I am to focus many of my gifts, hence it is where I am fulfilled. Medicine and life are not an easy combination. Medicine and romance are even more difficult. Medicine x 2 and romance--challenging. But honestly, in the end I know it will be worth the effort. At the end of this crazy year and a half both Eddie and I will be trained in careers we both really enjoy and love, and eventually (after residency), we will regain some autonomy for our own schedules, and we will be able to enjoy both our professional and our personal lives.

Besides, its through God's use of medicine that I got to go to Africa right? Who knows how many more opportunities will come my way through this avenue of the medical profession?

Just Because

2006-03-29T20:19:00.000-08:00

Today Eddie made me supper, a lovely meal of two different curry dishes. Mmmm tasty.

And he got me a gorgeous stem of orchids. Just because. Sublime. I just love orchids.

Yes I am very blessed.

Resisting Resentment

2006-03-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

"if we believe suffering is the touch of God's grace, we will avoid resentment, arrogance, and above all pride, the primal and satanic sin. When we suffer, our natural instinct is to resent and resist. This implies a claim to perfect happiness: how dare this suffering intrude on my self-sufficiency and control?...
...an attitude of humility and gratitude in suffering brings deep joy, while an attitude of pride and ingratitude, even without suffering, brings joylessness. Proud people are simply not happy."
~ Making Sense Out of Suffering, Peter Kreeft

I read this the other day, and that line about our natural instinct is to resent, hit me square between the eyes. I resent being in Regina. I do not like the city itself. Oh, there are worse places to be, but there are definitely better places to be. I have found an attitude of resentment creeping into my outlook on life, and have found it to really be zapping my joy. I dont really know how to be joyful about Regina--Lord teach me how. If I dont figure that out, it is going to be a long long road until next May. How do you have joy when you would rather be somewhere else? Even if I convince myself Regina is OK, I know there is better, and I will still likely be counting down the days until I leave. Really I am at a loss here, as to how to NOT be living the time in Regina as 'doing time'. I need a touch of Grace.

What are you, then, my God?

2006-03-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

"What are you, then, my God? What are you, I ask, but the Lord God? For who else is lord except the Lord, or who is god if not our God? You are most high, excellent, most powerful, omnipotent, supremely merciful and supremely just, most hidden yet intimately present, infinitely beautiful, and infinitely strong, steadfast yet elusive, unchanging yourself though you control the change in all things, never new, never old, renewing all things yet wearing down the proud though they know it not; ever active, ever at rest, guarding, creating and nurturing and perfecting, seeking although secure, you regret without sadness, you grow angry yet remain tranquil, you alter your works but never your plan; you take back what you find although you never lost it, you are never in need yet you regjoice in your gains... After saying all that, what have we said, my God, my life, my holy sweetness? What does anyone who speaks of you really say? Yet woe betide those who fail to speak, while the chatterboxes go on saying nothing."
~ Confessions, St Augustine.

May I not be one of those chatterboxes who talks much without saying anything. The first book of Confessions is written with an intensity and passion that inspires me to know my God more intimately, and to seek him more ferverently. And I am reminded of the importance of taking the time to read such things that strengthen my soul, rather than always and only books that strengthen the academic part of my mind.

Mozart

2006-03-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

Tonight Eddie took me to the Symphony---they are having a Mozart Festival. First we made supper at his appartment, then got all decked out, and went to the concert.

It was amazing. We were in the fourth row from the orchestra, and there was a guest pianist there--we could see all of her facial expressions, her dramatic arm movements, the way she swayed with the music. I have never seen a musician become so completely enthralled with the music.

Sitting listening to the melodies and harmonies that delicately weave together, the enchanting sound filling the air--all of the things that happened during my week melted--faded from memory for that space of time. And I thought to myself--there will be the most beautiful music in Heaven.

In Saskatoon

2006-03-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, all you loyal blog readers, my Saskatoon long lost friends...

I am in Saskatoon from April 17-28 for a two week rotation at RUH.

I know--its BIG NEWS! Mark it on your calendars--I expect you all to be calling me while I am in town!

Okay enough sass. I really am looking forward to that block of time, and I hope to catch up with a lot of you while I am there.

Miss you all!

Mountains Part II

2006-03-20T21:44:00.000-08:00

I went to the mountains again this weekend---yes thats right again! Another fabulous weekend away from the Queen city. It is surprising how four days off felt like so much longer than four days.

This time I flew out to Calgary, where Eddie picked me up at the airport. He drove out earlier in the week and was visiting some of his buddies that he has been friends with for about twenty years (yes, since he was five years old). Eddie stayed with Chad, and I stayed at Uncle Jim and Auntie Marcella's---we were worried they might live on opposite ends of the city, but it was only about a ten minute drive away.

Thursday, after I arrived, Eddie and I hopped into the Civic, and off we drove to Radium Hot Springs. Kind of funny, because I travelled in three provinces in one day (Radium is in BC). It was so much fun. The drive to Radium is a beautiful windy mountain road, with the picturesque back drop of the towering Rockies. After soaking in the steamy mineral water with about twenty other people, we drove back to Banff.

Back in Banff, we found a delightful little mexican restuarant --the Magpie and Stump. After which we tested out the Banff Hot Springs--thats right, we spent the day hotspring hopping. It was grand. Radium has more chararcter---its more rustic.

Friday was consumed by snowboarding at Lake Louise. Poor Eddie had not boarded before, so he was quite sore the next day. We had fun laughing at each other that day. Then in the evening we went to Eddie's friends house to play cards and boardgames. It was great to get to meet his gang.

Saturday was a day for family. Auntie Marcella had supper for us, and then about twenty rel-ies came over to visit with the long lost Saskatchewan cousin and her boyfriend. I think I am from the Kucharski stock though---they are into travelling, hosting family gatherings, big families, sports---I felt right at home. They teased Eddie pretty good, but he was of course ridiculously good natured about the whole thing.

And Sunday we drove home. Man is that a LONG drive! It was good though.

Pictures will follow!

Mountains

2006-03-12T18:30:00.000-08:00

I just got back today from an amazing four days in the mountains. Wow do I love the outdoors and God's spectacular Creation.

Arleen, my outdoor adventure superstar friend, and I packed into my little sunfire on Thursday, and made the nine hour trek to Canmore, a small little town just outside of Banff National Park. We were slowed up slightly by a nasty winter storm between Medicine Hat and Calgary, which had us travelling at 50kph, but we made it.

The first stop however was at MEC, which for some strange reason only exists online in Saskatchewan. I LOVE that store! I was able to finally pick up a respectable sleeping bag for a person who like the 'back-country', a therma-rest (which was on sale for less than half price :) , my first dry bag (a sack for packing gear in, so that if your canoe tips, your stuff stays dry), and a fleece.

After MEC, we made it to our little hotel in Canmore. We actually got a super good deal on accomodations and lift tickets, so that was great. We spent two days on the mountain at Lake Louise, which is definitely worth the drive. The weather was perfect--sunny, warm but not too warm, lots of base snow. Amazing. The second day we tried the back side of the mountain, which is simply breath-taking, as you cant see the parking lot or any of the other man made stuff, and you are just on the mountain. SOOO GREAT!

And how stoked am I that I have another long weekend booked for next weekend? Extremely. Three more days of pediatric psych and then back to the mountains. You see, I realized that with all the silly rules around when JURSIs are allowed to take holidays, if I dont take some days off in Psych, I wont be able to take all my holidays, for two more days off I go!

Reason #16 Why I Wont Do Pediatrics

2006-03-07T17:09:00.000-08:00

I am currently doing a two week block in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

I like the patients--lots of adolescents, they are neat kids, with more issues than the average kid, but neat kids nonetheless.

Its the parents that are responsible for them that I cannot tolerate.

Let me say that I know that there are a lot of wonderful parents in the world--two of them are mine, I know many others and I plan to meet even more of them. But there are some really BAD parents too, unfortunately.

I have seen so many kids that come from really messed up homes and they are just caught in the middle of adults who dont know how to be adults well.

I saw a kid today who has some issues with authority, some behavioral issues, some substance use issues, some anger management issues--he's got some things to work on. Granted. But he is living at home with his mom and step-dad, the step-dad who threatens to leave the mom if she doesnt choose him over her son. It make my insides crawl to think of men seeing women's children as their enemies, and it makes me shudder at the chaos that results when the Natural Law is broken. This kid's mom called the RCMP to bring him in to the ER on a warrant for a mental health assessment because he mentioned a few weeks ago that he would rather be dead. I have seen suicidal people. This kid was NOT suicidal. The catch to this story is that the mom and step-dad are leaving the country tomorrow on vacation, and they wanted the kid to be admitted to the psych ward while they were away. I was SO frusterated I was ready to lose it, but I didnt. What a total lack of parental coping skills, AND completely irresponsible use of services.

Its absolutely unbelievable how many parents call the police to deal with their kids that are 12, 13, 14 etc, when they are getting out of hand at home. I already cant believe how many times I have heard, "I had to call the police", and then they tell you about the incident, and I am sitting there thinking, 'you need to quit being afraid of your kid, and start showing them some tough love---your kids dont need you to be a buddy, they need boundaries'.

Give me kidney failure to manage any day.