Saturday in Ottawa

I have been in Ottawa since Thursday visiting my dearest Eddie. Today was the first day he didnt have to be at the hospital, yay!

We started the morning off by taking the bus to the Canadian War Museum. Well actually due to my navigation we took the bus past where we were supposed to, and then had to walk back from Quebec to the museum in Ottawa. That only took about 10 min, so that was okay. The CWM was quite somber, but lots of well done exhibits. Its actually in a different building than when I went in 1999.

Then we went to a little pizzeria in the market for lunch and shared a tasty slice of pizza. We had planned to go to another museum in the afternoon, but it was our first day without rain, so we decided to walk around outside instead. We walked the park around Parliament, the outdoor mall on Spark St, and the market. We stopped at two different bakeries to sample their delicate creations--at one we shared an almond-pear tart, and at the next we shared a scrumptious apple turn-over. We got some really funny looks from people as we devoured the turn-over on the side of the road in the market!

Then we had supper at a quaint Indian restaurant. The food was super flavorful, but so spicey I thought I was going to die. It was like the scene from Along Came Polly when Ben Stiller is eating spicey food with Aniston for the first time---seriously, my gut was on fire for a while after supper! So we picked up some gelato after supper to cool our palates (and our esophaguses, and our stomaches...)

We ended the evening with going to see the National Orchestral. They did a Mozart piece with special guest Emmanuel Ax, and Brahms Symphony #2. It was a wonderful end to a superb day.

Shameful Signature

I am ashamed to admit--I have spent about 20 minutes tonight trying to figure out what I want my new signature to be like next year when I have a new last name. I didnt ever think I would do that, but I spent a few hours today doing CaRMS paperwork, and had to sign twenty differnent letters, and I sign my name countless times a day at work, and it made me curious as to how I would do my new signature. A doctor's signature is worth a lot--it had better be good!

Yah, I'm a nerd. I'm post call today by the way, I think that accounts for some of the nerdiness, comes out more when tired.....

Date Day in Regina

My darling Eddie has left again for Ottawa today... I can't wait until we are both finally in the same city again! Everytime we see each other lately one of us has to leave again. We did have a beautiful date day in Regina on Saturday before he had to leave.

Eddie planned a date day for us, and it was all a surprise for me! He had me come over to his appartment around ten am, and we packed a picnic lunch. We then set out on foot, and our first stop was the Royal Saskatchewan museum. It was so much fun to tour around the museum, and it was only a donation to enter! There was a really cool dinosaur exhibit, and the "Paleo-Pit" is the learning pit for kids. It made me totally excited for when we have kids and get to take them to museums and things.

After the museum we had our picnic lunch on a bench by the big pond (aka the "lake"). Totally fun, I love picnics! After that, we were on the trail again, and Eddie took me next to the art gallery, which was free! It was really cool--not as grandiose as the National Art Gallery in Ottawa, but there were some really neat exhibits--one with ancient art work from Rome, Greece and Egypt.

Then we went out for dinner at the Creek Bistro, a quaint little restuarant in the Cathedral area. Neither of us had been there before. The food there was amazing! I started with tapas for one, then I had a chipolte rib-eye steak with tomato and avacado salsa and garlic mashed potatoes. We finished with a mango-apple-mixed berry crisp. So good! I havent eaten like that in a long time!

The last part of the evening was the season opener of the symphony. It was wonderful. He did such a great job planning our date day. I love him so much, and I know he loves me, and he makes me feel like a princess everyday!

And then this morning I had to drive Eddie to the airport at 4:50am! Arg. But the great part is that I get to go to Ottawa this weekend to visit him, I can't wait!

Death of a Patient

A patient of mine died last week.

Our team was consulted to see him in the ER, and we went, assessed the situation, developed a plan, and admitted him. He was quite sick and was in significant respiratory distress. After we finished with him, we were sent home by our attending at the end of the day. I felt uneasy about him, knowing in my gut he was in rough shape. Apparently our patient's heart went into complete heart block 15 minutes after we left. Cardiology came over from the U, but it proved to be the end of his time here on earth.

I was stunned the next morning to hear of his passing, and sort of numb to be honest. Its strange to have people go so suddenly--now they are here, now they're not.

I talked about it with Eddie that night. There is such a fine line between promoting life and prolonging death. Its not our job to save everyone, but it is our job to treat everyonewith dignity and compassion.

Then on Sunday during the intercessory prayers, my patient's name was read as one of those recently departed members of the Body. It hit me again like a ton of brick in my gut and instantly hot tears overflowed, stinging my eyes; my two worlds colliding. Sometimes its easy to forget that patients are in our community, our fellowship, our neighbourhood. I dont think I will ever learn the 'professional detachment'--I dont think I want to.

Funniest moment of the day...

A patient told my 5'2" attending who was sitting down with her hands folded, and who is visibly pregnant might I add, that she had threatening posture.

Life through the Kidney

We had our CMDS welcome BBQ today, and Susan told me how much she enjoys my blog, and that she always checks to see if I have posted--and since I have been quite sparse with the blogging lately, Susan this one is for you.

I am currently doing an elective at St Paul's Hospital in Saskatoon, in Nephrology. It was because of time I spent there in second year with a certain amazing attending that I became interesting in Internal medicine in the first place. I then spent some more time there after second year in the summer and fell in love with internal medicine and specifically the kidney. There is just something about it, hard to explain--thinking through kidney problems comes more easily to me than most other systems.

So this past week was awesome. I think this is likely to be my best elective in terms of educational yield per hour spent at the hospital. We are busy all day, but its busy seeing patients with our attending, with oodles of bedside teaching. The attending staff are a blast to work with--they have SO much fun doing their jobs, and its a wonderful enviroment to work it. I would recommend this rotation as an elective or selective to any and all med students. Several of the attendings were encouraging me to come and join their nephrology group when I was finished training (which is always nice encouragement).

However...

I realized today that none of the female attendings in this department have children. And their pagers go off literally every five to ten minutes. My attending comes in before we (the residents and I) get there in the morning, and stays for hours after we leave. Kidney patients are really sick generally and there are many of them. By Friday I realized, thats really not the life I want.

I want to like my job, but not to the exclusion of everything else. There are other areas of internal medicine that are not as busy, where my pager would not go off every five minutes for the rest of my life, and I might even be able to attend my kids recitals. Heck I might even see my husband long enough to make children! It may mean a field that I have to work harder at to learn the material because it doesnt come so naturally, but I will be able to do it.

Furthermore, I read a chilling article in the Globe and Mail this weekend about euthanasia in Australia, and and one about abortion in Canada, and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach. I had a vision of the disregard for the sanctity of life eating away at the fabric of our society like a black cancer. And in my mind's eye, I saw that every couple that chose to bring life into the world or chose to preserve life would push back some of the cancer. After I read that I told Eddie we should have 10 kids. He said sure.

Basically I need to make sure I dont let myself become SO consumed with medicine that I miss all the other things God has called me to that will make a difference in His Kingdom.

Phantom

Eddie and I went to go see the live production of Phantom of the Opera in Edmonton this past weekend. It was amazing! We were totally in the nosebleed section, but the music was SO awesome.

That was pretty much the date portion of the weekend--we had plans to go watersliding, to the Symphony Under the Sky concerts, to Superman the movie, and to go mini-golfing. Those other plans took a back seat to finding an interview suit for me, a wedding suit for Eddie, a wedding band for me and shoes for both of us. We were highly motivated to save the PST, and to be able to find what we wanted, knowing that Edmonton offered more selection than Saskatoon, and that we werent going to get a chance to get here again before life gets crazy busy.

There never seems to ever be enough time to do the things we want to do once we have done the things we ought to do. I think life is just like that sometimes. We did decide that we are going to have to be more strict with setting aside time for ourselves, regardless of whether there are other things to do, because sometimes if you dont make time for yourselves, you sadly will get none!

My Fabulous Fiance

His name is Eddie. He is GREAT! We spent the day in Edmonton together today, our first full day together after three weeks apart (we have been in different cities since sometime in May, sigh). We had a great day--out for breakfast, shopping (bought my wedding band today, so crazy that I have a wedding band...), engagement photos with Kristy-Anne, and then to top it off the three of us went for Thai food for supper.

Seriously I have not laughed so hard since I last saw Eddie. We were visiting after dinner and he had me laughing so hard I was in tears for the better part of an hour. And he bought me beautiful gold earings today! We were back at his cousin's house where he is staying getting ready for our pictures and he says to me, "why dont you try on your wedding band?" So I open the box and out pops a pair of fabulous gold hoops. I was SO surprised! "what are these for?!" I exlcaimed! "Just because, " he replied with a grin. I dont even know when he picked it up today. He got them for me to replace my stainless steel hoops I wear everyday, how sweet!

A Polish Patient

Somedays I have certain patient interactions that remind me of why I love medicine. Last week I had one such encounter that sticks out in my mind. He was an elderly gentleman, and he spoke with a thick Polish accent that immediately reminded me of my relatives. When I asked him how old he was when he got married, he said "44--thats when I got to old to chase the ladies anymore".

At the end of the interview he asked me when I finished medical school. Next spring I told him. "Next spring eh," he replied. "Well can you be my doctor then? I'd love to have you as my doctor." I had to tell him that it would be at few more years before I could be a specialist, so it would be a bit of a longer wait.

It is so gratifying when patients give you positive feedback. Sometimes that is more rewarding than good feedback from a preceptor.

Stolen from, again.

My car got broken into tonight. Yes it was locked. No they didnt break a window. No, I dont know how they got in. Yes they stole stuff--my lab coat, my id badge, my palm pilot, some of my text books, and a notebook that I have been writing in all year on rounds. They didnt take my pager. And yes my contact information for my reference letter referees was in my palm pilot.

Why is it that in Alberta of all places, where money is literally flowing out of the ground, do people have to steal? It is such an inconsiderate, selfish thing to do. Because someone else is lazy and corrupt I have to replace my palm pilot, track down my referees contact info, and some how replace all of the hard work that went into my clinical notes. I am so infuriated I could scream.

This is the third time my car has been broken into. That will teach me never to leave anything of value in an automobile.

On the road again...

Destination this time.... Edmonton!

I was not excited to be living out of a suitcase again, but it came upon me quickly like a thief in the night. Sunday I drove out here. I am staying with my mom's cousin and his family in Sherwood Park. Man is there a LOT of money in Alberta! The hospital here is outrageous. Oh well, I will learn lots I think.

I did have some fun adventures while at on my rural family med time. Eddie and I went to BC for Tim and Erin's wedding...
















and we went to play in Vancouver on Sunday...







Grenville Island














Stanley Park...

I also went camping with Arleen and Jenn on the Church Hill River, and narrowly survived the worst thunderstorm I have ever been in. That was quite the adventure.

Tin is in Edmonton at the same time I am here, so hopefully we will get some sweet shopping in...

Engaged!

Eddie asked me to marry him on Friday July 14th on a walk around Wascana Lake. And of course I said yes! I am so excited! Our wedding is going to be on May 19th, 2007 in Prince Albert.


So by popular demand I added a picture of the ring--which I wasnt going to do because photos never do diamonds justice, unless you are shooting in a studio--Anyways, I complied.

Eddie picked it out himself, I never went ring shopping with him, and I absolutely love it.

For you ring buffs out there, it is a 0.51 carat round solitare in an 18 carat yellow gold setting. It is a lovely (tres sparkley) certified Canadian diamond (so no africans had to die for my engagement ring).

Pinic in the Park

Saturday was date day, yay! I saw Eddie for the first time since my birthday weekend. We had a pinic in the park and then went to Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan. Great day. We had so much fun. Isn't he wonderful? I think so.

Under His Wings

I had an interesting experience this past week... it involved having to explain to a preceptor why I did not want to go to Planned Parenthood, because I am pro-life. It was a tense few days leading up to the meeting, and I thank everyone who remembered me and my situation in prayer. It was fruitful prayer! I did not know how things would turn out before I went into the meeting, but God was faithful, as He always is. I was scared at first, but that fear was replaced with peace.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

"Whether we admit it or not, there comes for everyone the moment when personal existence must be anchored to a truth recognized as final, a truth that confers a certidude no longer open to doubt." ~John Paul II

Let us cling to the Rock and to what we know to be True...

Canada Day in the Capital

I spent Canada Day in the Capital today! There is way too many things going on to see everything, but I did go to a free concert by the national orchestra at the national arts center, which was also a childrens choir concert. Awesome to hear the national anthem played by such musicians on Canada Day!



I then ventured downtown and to Parliament Hill...the entire downtown area is closed to vehicles and is a huge festival. There is a huge main stage infront of the Peace Tower where there was a live concert. I think there was at least 100 000 people when I left downtown!

Ride the wave

As I got my bicycle out of the garage today, I marvelled at how my body goes through the rhythmical movements as if by rote to carry me to the hospital: it would require a very conscious and deliberate act of defiance for me to not make there.

While I rode, I pondered at how swiftly the past six months have passed. It is as though I am riding a wave, and it will carry me to the end almost regardless of what I do. The wave has so much momentum that I couldnt stop and get off, even if I wanted to. Not that I want to. It is a very strange sensation to feel as though you are moved with an invisible force that is larger than life itself. As if by instinct, my body mind and soul have learned what to do to ride the wave. Ride or peril in attempting to quit. Might as well learn to enjoy the ride, since I am already on the wave...

I was almost startled when I found myself at the end of the day. It is as though the path is set, and I have no control over the course. Three years ago I made a decision to get on this wave, and wherever He decides this wave will go, so will I. I had the choice as to whether or not to get on, but now hold on for the ride, cling to what you hold dear, and pray you make it to the shore with the things that are most important still intact. I dont even know really where this wave ends, I just know I am on it.

I think that if one is not careful, this tremendous momentum would carry you all the way through one's entire life, at a ridiculous pace, all the way to the end. I think there will be crucial points in the journey, decisions that will determine whether to stay on this wave, or to get on ones with different momentum, and different courses. The challenge will be to be alert enough and discern those decisions when they are in front of you, and to not just let them glide right by without recognizing their significance.

Social Relief

Praise God for the weekend. I have had a long week at the General, and I am very much ready for two days off!

My solitude has been alleviated in part this week by two girls I have met here in particular. One is Emily, the dorm dean for the college who is living here this summer, and the other is Sarah, Sheila's niece who I have gotten to know a little while I am here. There was watching game 7 of the Stanely Cup finals with Sarah at her appartment while baking cookies earlier in the week, supper for celebrating Emily's birthday yesterday, and today I went out with Sarah and some of her small group friends.

Tonight we went to a violin concert put on by one of Sarah's friends. It was in a little church that is no too far from the hospital. We were adventurous and took the bus to get there (I am still afraid of the bus system--I have anxiety about missing the bus and being late for things). Anyways we made it there just fine. We then afterward went to the market for gelato and walked around Parliament. The market was really vibrant and alive at night, with the sunset sinking in the background sky--all the streets had the trees all light up, and sidewalk lanterns glowing with soft yellow light. There were of course people out in droves, in all sorts of attire, some really elegant and posh, to the very granola, or the grunge goth. It was a very high stimuli experience, almost to sensory overload, with sights, sounds and smells. I smelt a wide array of smoke tonight, ranging from cigarettes, to cigars, to marjiuana and everything inbetween!

Anyways, the city was beautiful, with the park areas smelling dewy and lush, with the trees in full bloom. It made me miss Eddie, as I would love to experience the Ottawa downtown at night with him!

Adventures in Solitude

I went to the market today for about two hours with Emily, the other girl who is staying at the College. And then I spent the rest of the day by myself. I went back downtown, and wandered around the airconditioned Rideau Center to escape from the stiffling Ontario humidity. It is amazing how I can feel totally alone while surrounded by bustling, jostling masses of people. People all around, noisy, loud, with no one really talking. Bumping into other people, but no one really connecting.

Even amidst the swarms of crowds, my own thoughts echo loudly in my head. I am alone with the voice in my head. It is a strange thing to be alone by circumstance, rather than by choice. At home being alone is a choice--I can at any moment pick up a phone and initiate a social interaction with people I know well. Here I am alone by default. I dont think I could be busy, even if I tried. Its like an imosed social hiatus. My phone rings once a day--when Eddie calls me for our daily conversation. And somedays my mom phones too. Those are the two voices that link me to the on-going world.

Two more weeks.

24 with warm hearts and wet feet

I spent my 24th birthday this weekend in Saskatoon with Eddie, my wonderful boyfriend. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to go home for the weekend. My heart always feels at ease when I fly into the Saskatoon airport after I have been away for a while.

Eddie planned a hot air balloon ride, but due to the inclement weather, this was post-poned until a later weekend this summer. So we went for a walk along the river bank in the rain instead, sporting the "Gustbuster", Eddie's hurricane proof golf umbrella. While the weather was cool and rainy, it was still beautiful. My feet did get alarmingly drenched however! This was followed by supper at Keos, watching the end of the hockey game, doing our reading for Church the next day, and watching a movie. It was a low-key weekend, but deliciously fantastic.

And then to my delight my parents came into town for lunch the next day. We wound up at Montana's--without me putting it together that that meant moose hat for me. And of course, Eddie made sure to inform the waitress that he would like the moose hat for my birthday. At least we got some good photos out of that!

And now my Eddie is off to Newfoundland, and I am back in Ottawa, with another four weeks until we see each other again. Hopefully they will pass by quickly!

Big City Burnout

I have decided I wouldnt like to live in a big city. Why you ask? Why when there are so many exciting things to do, the restaurants, the shopping, the arts, the shows, the sporting events, the market, the downtown (all of whick I find fun and exciting by the way)--why wouldnt you want to live in a big metropolitan city like that?

I will tell you why--or at least some of the reasons why.

When I arrived back in Ottawa after my birthday weekend at home, I stood around and waited for my bags at the luggage carosel. The trouble was it took three times longer than it does in Saskatoon.

Next I went outside and stood in a line up that was thirty people deep to get a taxi. More waiting.

Then, I took a 25 minute, $30.00 cab ride back to my temporary residence. Did you know it takes about 10 minutes to get to the airport in Saskatoon? Yes more waiting.

In the hospital, where I am doing my elective, I wait more still. I wait for the residents to get all the interesting patients with active problems, then I might get a patient to see. I wait and watch while the fellows do all the procedures. At half day, I take a 20 minute cab ride to get to the other site where the lectures are. I ask the nurses everyday if there are any IVs I can practice starting. So far I have had the chance to start one. I definitely notice more here than in smaller centers, that I really am the lowest rung on the ladder. "Oh you're still just a baby" one nurse sarcastically crooned at me while I was assessing a patient. Am I part of the team? Sort of--not a full fledged member anyways.

And to be honest, I find Ontario people for the most part (not all, but in general), more hoity-toity than maritimers or prairie people. They are afterall the sophistication center of the country.

I have however been very warmly received by John and especially Sally, who have gone out of their way to make sure I am looked after while I am staying at Augustine. They have been a blessing. But this is a function of the Christian community, which thanks be to God, can be found even in the booming metropolis of Ottawa.

But of this I know--if given the opportunity to live in a more modest city, I would choose that. While the larger cities have some exciting flare and pizzaz, in the end, the benefits of a smaller community, with people who me and I know them, and less time spent commuting and standing in lines, where I am a person not a number, is ultimately what will tip the scales for me. I think of all the time that is spent waiting in these bigger cities, and I think how precious is that time, that I could be doing something more meaningful than standing in a line, or labouriously travelling to and from my workplace.