My parents and I spent yesterday and this morning putting finishing touches on my new place in Regina. A relatively full two days, with lots of sorting, organizing, buying new furniture, hanging pictures, moving furniture around, laundry, and so on and so forth.
Other friends were also in Regina, sorting out their respective new homes---Ray and Eddie were both down, and we all supped together at a quaint restaurant that was in a very obscure locale.
Interesting welcome to the city we had though. After a lovely visit with Eddie and Brea, Eddie walked me home the block and a half from his and Mark's appartment to mine, we saw a lively variety of the Regina night life that inhabits our neighbourhood. I quietly whispered under my breath "we really do live in the hood"...
Eddie called me around ten this morning to inform me he no longer has a vehicle--it was hit by a drunk driver, and he came out to his car to see it totalled and mounted on tow truck as well as the police arresting the woman who rammed into his car. On his first night in the city, it claims his car as the toll.
Silver lining in the cloud was that my parents were able to give Eddie a ride back to Saskatoon with us and he wasnt stranded in Regina alone for the last few days of vacation. On our way out of town we stopped at a Tim Hortens on Albert. I used the washroom facilities as preparation for the lengthy drive home; while there I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me but I really did see a sharps disposal container for needles in the T-Ho bathroom, complete with an improperly disposed needle still poking out of the container. I think my eyes grew as wide as saucers, and the thought "Oh my, what have I gotten myself into" echoed through my head.
And oh I know that this is only one flavor of Regina, and that these flavors are found in city--I have just never really had it so obvious and in my face before. Hopefully I will get to experience the more savory flavors--the music, the food, the church, the hockey before too long.
At any rate my Emergency rotation should be fun.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Dermal Abrasions
When I go to the hospital, I dress the part--I have the professional wardrobe, the labcoat etc, down to the shoes. I understand the need for professional attire, that is not an issue. What is interesting to me, is the difference in reception I get when I wear make-up, and when I dont. And this extends to outside the work setting as well---I get better service at stores, restaurants etc in general when I have more than just my skin on my face. Frankly I find this somewhat irritating, if for no other reason than it's a double standard---we dont expect men to wear make-up; we laugh at them if they do. Perhaps its partly my age, that I dont look like a 'picture of adulthood' with just my own blotchy dermal covering, and if I was ten or fifteen years older I would get the same degree of respect regardless of my cosmetics or lack-there-of.
Somedays I enjoy appearing more polished, simply because I want to be that day. It can help me get into the mindframe of whatever setting I am entering. Other days, I really could not be bothered to line my eyes, rouge my cheeks or cover my blemishes, and truly an extra fifteen minutes of sleep is much more to my benefit.
The frusterating part is that we live in a culture where the face we "put on" has become the 'norm' for women. We all have normal, real skin underneath our cosmetics, but sadly, many women dont feel comfortable going outside their own homes without their 'faces on'. Those of us who regularly choose to go 'in the nude', stick out as being noticably different, and not because of our dashing good looks, but because we dont match with the template the average North American has in their head of what women ought to look like.
Somedays I enjoy appearing more polished, simply because I want to be that day. It can help me get into the mindframe of whatever setting I am entering. Other days, I really could not be bothered to line my eyes, rouge my cheeks or cover my blemishes, and truly an extra fifteen minutes of sleep is much more to my benefit.
The frusterating part is that we live in a culture where the face we "put on" has become the 'norm' for women. We all have normal, real skin underneath our cosmetics, but sadly, many women dont feel comfortable going outside their own homes without their 'faces on'. Those of us who regularly choose to go 'in the nude', stick out as being noticably different, and not because of our dashing good looks, but because we dont match with the template the average North American has in their head of what women ought to look like.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Tales of a trip to the Peach State
Ah, I have returned home--there is something delightful about coming home, feeling the place of origin envelope you in its folds is quite satistfying.
It was a fun trip. As Tin can atest to now, after spending a continuous week with me, often my life is more humourous than fiction. But some of those stories are best told in person---if only for the sound effects.
First off:
A few things I learned while in the US
1) There portions of food really ARE drastically larger than they are at home. I dont think I finished a meal at a restaurant the entire trip.
2) The most lucrative place to be a semi driver is on the I-95---there was one semi for every two cars on that interstate.
3) Firearm vendors at Flee Markets make me nervous.
4) One mans junk, really is still just junk (again learned at the Flee market).
5) You can move 400 year old oak trees and replant them somewhere else if you have enough money.
6) Apparently toques are "toboggans" if you live in Georgia, well at least if your name is Charlie
7) Your name must end in an "ee" sound to work at an outdoor tourism shop.
8) Southern hospitality really is something to write home about (Jules and Curt were fantastic hosts)
9) You can order coffee as baboon sized.
10) Tea is not something to order in the US at a restuarant.
Tin: I'd like a cup of Earl Grey Tea please
Waitress: hot tea?
Tin: Yes, hot tea.
Waitress: I'll just go warm up some of our iced tea for you in the mircowave
11) It takes more than four people to finish a New York Times crossword puzzle--how many more I dont know.
12) I can drive on crazy interstates and freeways, as long as I have a good navigatress.
13) I laugh every single time I hear flight attendents announce "we would now like to invite our Elite, Super Elite, and Super Ultra Ultra Elite passengers to board".
Highlights of our trip--sea kayaking, climbing a lighthouse, touring a plantation, Jules' cooking, great bargains at the multitude of outlet malls, quirky used book stores, catching up with Juliana and getting to know Curt, downtown Savannah with all of its historic glory, orginial coblestone streets and all, discovering Iron Chef for the first time and falling in love, head way on Brothers Karamazov, a crazy 10 hour layover in LA, and Tin and I developing new vocabulary for our already cryptic language that only she and I understand.
Tin and her kayak
Tin and I and the Atlantic Ocean! Exams? What exams?
Can you spot the Canuck?
Downtown Savannah. Gorgeous.
Our home away from home.
No one said plantations are glamorous! In fact, it might even rain on plantations....
For more detailed tales, consult the print photo album complete with live action audio recounting of ridicolosity.
It was a fun trip. As Tin can atest to now, after spending a continuous week with me, often my life is more humourous than fiction. But some of those stories are best told in person---if only for the sound effects.
First off:
A few things I learned while in the US
1) There portions of food really ARE drastically larger than they are at home. I dont think I finished a meal at a restaurant the entire trip.
2) The most lucrative place to be a semi driver is on the I-95---there was one semi for every two cars on that interstate.
3) Firearm vendors at Flee Markets make me nervous.
4) One mans junk, really is still just junk (again learned at the Flee market).
5) You can move 400 year old oak trees and replant them somewhere else if you have enough money.
6) Apparently toques are "toboggans" if you live in Georgia, well at least if your name is Charlie
7) Your name must end in an "ee" sound to work at an outdoor tourism shop.
8) Southern hospitality really is something to write home about (Jules and Curt were fantastic hosts)
9) You can order coffee as baboon sized.
10) Tea is not something to order in the US at a restuarant.
Tin: I'd like a cup of Earl Grey Tea please
Waitress: hot tea?
Tin:
Waitress: I'll just go warm up some of our iced tea for you in the mircowave
11) It takes more than four people to finish a New York Times crossword puzzle--how many more I dont know.
12) I can drive on crazy interstates and freeways, as long as I have a good navigatress.
13) I laugh every single time I hear flight attendents announce "we would now like to invite our Elite, Super Elite, and Super Ultra Ultra Elite passengers to board".
Highlights of our trip--sea kayaking, climbing a lighthouse, touring a plantation, Jules' cooking, great bargains at the multitude of outlet malls, quirky used book stores, catching up with Juliana and getting to know Curt, downtown Savannah with all of its historic glory, orginial coblestone streets and all, discovering Iron Chef for the first time and falling in love, head way on Brothers Karamazov, a crazy 10 hour layover in LA, and Tin and I developing new vocabulary for our already cryptic language that only she and I understand.
Tin and her kayak
Tin and I and the Atlantic Ocean! Exams? What exams?
Can you spot the Canuck?
Downtown Savannah. Gorgeous.
Our home away from home.
No one said plantations are glamorous! In fact, it might even rain on plantations....
For more detailed tales, consult the print photo album complete with live action audio recounting of ridicolosity.
Monday, December 12, 2005
A peachy sojourn
I am off tomorrow morning for what I believe to be a well earned vacation! St Simons Island, Georgia to be exact. The lovely Jules whom I met in Goma is hosting Tin and I for a week. After a month of exam prep, a week of exams, and three days of moving, a vacation is certainly in order.
GOLD STARS to Mom and Dad, Courtney, Tanys, Justin, Tin, Laksh, Erin, Tim, Curtis, Derek, and Dave who helped me move to Regina---(and Mark and Eddie, who moved themselves as well). Thank-you so much! You made the move fun and do-able. I am indebted to all of you :)
GOLD STARS to Mom and Dad, Courtney, Tanys, Justin, Tin, Laksh, Erin, Tim, Curtis, Derek, and Dave who helped me move to Regina---(and Mark and Eddie, who moved themselves as well). Thank-you so much! You made the move fun and do-able. I am indebted to all of you :)
Saturday, December 10, 2005
The joy of friendship; the grief of adieu.
FINISHED! Today marks the end of final exams, I have completed all the classroom work for med school!
We had the post exam Christmas party tonight--the annual celebration for completing the marathon. Tonight was very different from years previous. Tonight I cried my eyes out repeatedly, and also had incredible fun, all rolled into one emotional roller coaster. Its amazing how sorrow and joy can co-exist in the same person, practically simultaneously. As I said goodbyes to the dear friends and classmates who are staying in Saskatoon, I discovered that when I accepted the offer to enroll in medical school, I did not anticipate my heart being captured and falling in love with the sixty+ people I went to school with. There is no other way it can be though---if it was easy to leave, it would mean I didnt have the amazing last two and a half years of my life being interwoven with theirs. The price of loving people is having your heart wrung when you are separated. I would rather love and feel the pain of parting, than not love in an attmept to save myself the anguish of separation.
I do have beautiful memories, they will endure--many of them are immortalized in film! I cherish the family atmosphere that has emerged amongst my classmates. I can dance my heart out at our parties, laughing my head off as each of my brotherly classmates spins me around the dance floor in turn, and know that it is simply a riot for all of us, nothing more, nothing less. I can cry on their shoulders as I experience the grief of adieu. I can embrace my girls as we challenge and encourage each other both in medicine and in life. I would not trade the past two and a half years; they have been challenging but very rewarding, and they are an integral part of my journey to becoming who I was Created to be.
“One knows nobody so well as one’s ‘fellow’. Every step of the common journey tests his metal; and the tests are tests we fully understand because we are undergoing them ourselves. Hence, as he rings true time after time, our reliance, our respect, and our admiration blossom into an Appreciate love of a singularly robust and well-informed kind.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond the desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“In a profession where men and women work side by side, or in the mission field, or among authors or artist, such Friendship is common.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“ To love anything at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
We had the post exam Christmas party tonight--the annual celebration for completing the marathon. Tonight was very different from years previous. Tonight I cried my eyes out repeatedly, and also had incredible fun, all rolled into one emotional roller coaster. Its amazing how sorrow and joy can co-exist in the same person, practically simultaneously. As I said goodbyes to the dear friends and classmates who are staying in Saskatoon, I discovered that when I accepted the offer to enroll in medical school, I did not anticipate my heart being captured and falling in love with the sixty+ people I went to school with. There is no other way it can be though---if it was easy to leave, it would mean I didnt have the amazing last two and a half years of my life being interwoven with theirs. The price of loving people is having your heart wrung when you are separated. I would rather love and feel the pain of parting, than not love in an attmept to save myself the anguish of separation.
I do have beautiful memories, they will endure--many of them are immortalized in film! I cherish the family atmosphere that has emerged amongst my classmates. I can dance my heart out at our parties, laughing my head off as each of my brotherly classmates spins me around the dance floor in turn, and know that it is simply a riot for all of us, nothing more, nothing less. I can cry on their shoulders as I experience the grief of adieu. I can embrace my girls as we challenge and encourage each other both in medicine and in life. I would not trade the past two and a half years; they have been challenging but very rewarding, and they are an integral part of my journey to becoming who I was Created to be.
“One knows nobody so well as one’s ‘fellow’. Every step of the common journey tests his metal; and the tests are tests we fully understand because we are undergoing them ourselves. Hence, as he rings true time after time, our reliance, our respect, and our admiration blossom into an Appreciate love of a singularly robust and well-informed kind.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond the desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“In a profession where men and women work side by side, or in the mission field, or among authors or artist, such Friendship is common.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“ To love anything at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Eye of the Storm
I sit here, the night before TEN SYSTEMS EXAM (said in a James Earl Jones voice in my head). I remember being in first year, and hearing about the mammoth exam that the third years write just before starting JURSI---examined on the past year and a half of information, all the "important things" a physician "ought to know". Well that is the "theory" anyways. Now that I am here, I realize that the exam only sounds daunting. Yes it is a multiple choice exam, closed book, with rigid time dead lines, but it is not representative of reality. In real life, where people's actual lives hang in the balance, its all open book. I am encouraged--no expected, to double check with a source before I write an order if I am uncertain its correct. I can "phone a friend"--a much more experienced physician if I am still unsure of what to do. Exams are just a device to attempt to evaluate what I know---and often they dont even do that well. The micro exam today was a decent indicator of whether or not I will be clinically compentent---and that went well. I do have a foundation on how to clinically problem solve, and where to go when I need to find answers. That is reassuring---I have learned somethings that I have retained these past three years! The first few years of medical school taught me how to understand the questions; its really difficult to find an answer if you dont even understand the question.
Medicine and beyond, I am so glad that I know my own limitations. I need not lean on my own understanding, or my own strength. And the days I forget this simple but key fact, I am surrounded by people who remind me. It is terrifying and exhilirating to be at the end of my own resources. Through medicine and its adventures God takes me to the realm where I cannot do it with what I have in and of myself. Many things I can do on my own strength--but here in this place I know I am at the end of my rope and it has come up short. And its hard. Its humbling. I live here everyday. Here I learn the nitty gritty of faith in action. Here I am amazed at what I learn about myself.
Sometimes the storm is not always calmed for us---but there is always a Rock to cling to while the storm rages.
Medicine and beyond, I am so glad that I know my own limitations. I need not lean on my own understanding, or my own strength. And the days I forget this simple but key fact, I am surrounded by people who remind me. It is terrifying and exhilirating to be at the end of my own resources. Through medicine and its adventures God takes me to the realm where I cannot do it with what I have in and of myself. Many things I can do on my own strength--but here in this place I know I am at the end of my rope and it has come up short. And its hard. Its humbling. I live here everyday. Here I learn the nitty gritty of faith in action. Here I am amazed at what I learn about myself.
Sometimes the storm is not always calmed for us---but there is always a Rock to cling to while the storm rages.
" I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:9-10
Enter the princess
Belated Welcome to baby Charis! She is actually now about five weeks old...
Now the boys have a princess to rescue, when they are slaying dragons and fighting orcs, slinging webs or racing batmobiles.
God bless your family...I'll miss you!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
My Sisters of Saskatoon, you will be missed..
My wonderful girlfriends that I leave behind, the women who know and understand my heart...
Dearest Courtney came over tonight, impromtu and perfect. Like an angel she floated in, and gave me a spiritual transfusion, on the day of exam week I needed it most. How did I get so blessed? The woman covers me in prayer, makes me laugh my head off, she understands my heart. She's beautiful, beautiful spirit, beautiful soul. Going on five awesome years of friendship that can only be described as sisterhood. It is amazing what a foundation of prayer can do--establishing bonds of trust that hold fast and run deep.
Ameila, roommate for two years, friends for five...how we have laughed together, cried together, bathed a large large black hairy dog together. Ameila my dear, you have walked side by side with me, seeing the in your face up close and personal, and loved me anyways. My how we have grown--grown up and grown together.
Arleen...adventure girl extraordinare! You first fanned the tiny spark of outdoor adventure loving in me, for that I will always be greatful. Truly amazing a summer of serving and living side by side (I cant say we slept, because that would be a lie :) can forge a friendship. I love you so much! Always real, always genuine, always compassionate, always. Hilarious too might I add.
Allison---why dont I have a photo of us?!? Are you kidding me? Not one in digital format anyways. Dearest Allison---so wise, so strong, so graceful. You have taught me so much, and loved me, blessed me beyond all measure--care packages, phone calls, lunch dates, hugs, more hugs, advice, prayer, desserts, love in all shapes and forms.
Victoria, mentor and friend. Vikki taught took me under her wing, helped me find my way to Goma, showed me to find Holy Spirit courage I did not know I had. Vik, I learn more about Jesus and myself everytime I interact with you.
Tanys---from crazy undergrad Elim years together, to you married and home-owning, me owning nothing but debt! You always surprise me, always make me laugh, and yet in a heartbeat we can be talking about things that matter. You taught me much about the Gifts, and He who gives them. I will never forget you praying over me at Youth Convention, so many years ago. Wisdom and prophetic find residence in one powerhouse woman of the King in you my friend.
Sarah, beautiful Sarah. Calm, graceful, hilarity embodied, wise, gracious. Dear Sarah, you have taught me so much about relationships, human interaction and life! I always am envigorated after spending time with you. Thank-you for making your home a sanctuary, a place where I can find refuge.
Heather, loving and accepting of me, right from the beginning you put me at ease. My mentor in medicine and faith, you encourage and inspire me. It is from you I have learned the meaning of run with perseverance!
Tina, technically you left first... but our unique friendship endure through time and distance. Laugh so hard I literally cry with you my dear--rolling on the floor with side splitting pain, tears streaming down my face. You challenge me, call me on my sin without mincing words, and inspire me to the be the woman of God I was created to be.
Ghits, ah good things do come out of Winnipeg! One weekend that birthed a new friendship--now strong and vibrant. How blessed I am because of that one weekend, a blessing that keeps on multiplying. Our hearts have bled together, and soared together, we laugh and learn together.
B-Mac and Amy... B-Mac You have been the steady voice of calm and reason, from the years above. I have learned much about faith and medicine, and life from you my dear. Wisdom and a genuine heart, you have grace and compassion that is always comforting. And you make me giggle too boot. Amy, the outside perspective, yet 'medicine compatible', you know how to bless, how to love, full of wisdom beyond your years!
Erin, sweet Erin. Adorable, loving, kind, full of grace, and wise as she is beautiful. In our short (so far) friendship, you have poured out untold blessings on me. I look forward the years to come.
Sexy Lexi---you also left first. How I miss you! I am sad that our time in toon town was so infrequent. I love how you love Jesus, and how you express it so creatively, so uniquely. Ontario got the better end of the deal...
Sheila, my mentor in life, faith and medicine. Fountain of wisdom, grace, poise, roll model. Your home has been a refuge and a place of restoration. I am eternally grateful.
Tin--so many miles, so many books! We laugh together, and undergo the grueling road together, and somehow its made better to share it. Sweet are the memories.
Elke, kindred spirit. Can it be I've only known you for four months? Impossible! Yet true. Feels like so much longer---you have enriched my life in our short time together more than you know.
Nimi, I feel like I got to know you this summer, while we were on different continents! Gracious, full of wisdom, practical sense, humor, great hugs, and the ability to put me at ease.
And Tanya and Cheryl--my dent girls! Why do I not have a picture of either of you?!? You both are beautiful women. Tanya you inspire me, you are strong and truely courageous, honest, loving, a wonderful friend. Cheryl, so genuine, sincere, loving, open and kind. I am so thankful for the D in CMDS!
Out of this rich, beautifully colored, elaborately textured weave I am extracted. These women have each blessed me repeatedly. It saddens me deeply to leave. Saskatoon has been a wonderful run--not so much because of the city, but the people who have enriched my life, and changed me forever because of their friendships.
You will be truly missed, but loved always.
Dearest Courtney came over tonight, impromtu and perfect. Like an angel she floated in, and gave me a spiritual transfusion, on the day of exam week I needed it most. How did I get so blessed? The woman covers me in prayer, makes me laugh my head off, she understands my heart. She's beautiful, beautiful spirit, beautiful soul. Going on five awesome years of friendship that can only be described as sisterhood. It is amazing what a foundation of prayer can do--establishing bonds of trust that hold fast and run deep.
Ameila, roommate for two years, friends for five...how we have laughed together, cried together, bathed a large large black hairy dog together. Ameila my dear, you have walked side by side with me, seeing the in your face up close and personal, and loved me anyways. My how we have grown--grown up and grown together.
Arleen...adventure girl extraordinare! You first fanned the tiny spark of outdoor adventure loving in me, for that I will always be greatful. Truly amazing a summer of serving and living side by side (I cant say we slept, because that would be a lie :) can forge a friendship. I love you so much! Always real, always genuine, always compassionate, always. Hilarious too might I add.Allison---why dont I have a photo of us?!? Are you kidding me? Not one in digital format anyways. Dearest Allison---so wise, so strong, so graceful. You have taught me so much, and loved me, blessed me beyond all measure--care packages, phone calls, lunch dates, hugs, more hugs, advice, prayer, desserts, love in all shapes and forms.
Victoria, mentor and friend. Vikki taught took me under her wing, helped me find my way to Goma, showed me to find Holy Spirit courage I did not know I had. Vik, I learn more about Jesus and myself everytime I interact with you.
Tanys---from crazy undergrad Elim years together, to you married and home-owning, me owning nothing but debt! You always surprise me, always make me laugh, and yet in a heartbeat we can be talking about things that matter. You taught me much about the Gifts, and He who gives them. I will never forget you praying over me at Youth Convention, so many years ago. Wisdom and prophetic find residence in one powerhouse woman of the King in you my friend.
Sarah, beautiful Sarah. Calm, graceful, hilarity embodied, wise, gracious. Dear Sarah, you have taught me so much about relationships, human interaction and life! I always am envigorated after spending time with you. Thank-you for making your home a sanctuary, a place where I can find refuge.
Heather, loving and accepting of me, right from the beginning you put me at ease. My mentor in medicine and faith, you encourage and inspire me. It is from you I have learned the meaning of run with perseverance!
Tina, technically you left first... but our unique friendship endure through time and distance. Laugh so hard I literally cry with you my dear--rolling on the floor with side splitting pain, tears streaming down my face. You challenge me, call me on my sin without mincing words, and inspire me to the be the woman of God I was created to be.
Ghits, ah good things do come out of Winnipeg! One weekend that birthed a new friendship--now strong and vibrant. How blessed I am because of that one weekend, a blessing that keeps on multiplying. Our hearts have bled together, and soared together, we laugh and learn together.
B-Mac and Amy... B-Mac You have been the steady voice of calm and reason, from the years above. I have learned much about faith and medicine, and life from you my dear. Wisdom and a genuine heart, you have grace and compassion that is always comforting. And you make me giggle too boot. Amy, the outside perspective, yet 'medicine compatible', you know how to bless, how to love, full of wisdom beyond your years!
Erin, sweet Erin. Adorable, loving, kind, full of grace, and wise as she is beautiful. In our short (so far) friendship, you have poured out untold blessings on me. I look forward the years to come.
Sexy Lexi---you also left first. How I miss you! I am sad that our time in toon town was so infrequent. I love how you love Jesus, and how you express it so creatively, so uniquely. Ontario got the better end of the deal...
Sheila, my mentor in life, faith and medicine. Fountain of wisdom, grace, poise, roll model. Your home has been a refuge and a place of restoration. I am eternally grateful.
Tin--so many miles, so many books! We laugh together, and undergo the grueling road together, and somehow its made better to share it. Sweet are the memories.
Elke, kindred spirit. Can it be I've only known you for four months? Impossible! Yet true. Feels like so much longer---you have enriched my life in our short time together more than you know.
Nimi, I feel like I got to know you this summer, while we were on different continents! Gracious, full of wisdom, practical sense, humor, great hugs, and the ability to put me at ease.
And Tanya and Cheryl--my dent girls! Why do I not have a picture of either of you?!? You both are beautiful women. Tanya you inspire me, you are strong and truely courageous, honest, loving, a wonderful friend. Cheryl, so genuine, sincere, loving, open and kind. I am so thankful for the D in CMDS!
Out of this rich, beautifully colored, elaborately textured weave I am extracted. These women have each blessed me repeatedly. It saddens me deeply to leave. Saskatoon has been a wonderful run--not so much because of the city, but the people who have enriched my life, and changed me forever because of their friendships.
You will be truly missed, but loved always.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Supporting Cast
What if, what if ...what if we are not here to simply be the star of our own stories? I can talk about being a servant, but I always have viewed the story story from my own position, looking outward at the sphere of life around me. When I step back and review the past semester of my own life---no real plot twists, no big surprises, my place in the world is about the same. If viewed from my perspective---boring. Did God forget about me? But then, I see---a different take--the Directors Cut.
I have had the priviledge of being supporting cast for some friends as they underwent major life changes, these past few months. The story lines literally came out of left field, and then just blossomed before my eyes, as I got to watch them unfold with baited breath, quietly following the Spirit, out in the periphery. It is very humbling to realize that the "plot"of my own story my not be the primary purpose for this season of my life. Yet, that is what we are called to do—not be self serving, but serving others (Gal 5:13), not looking to our own interests, but to the interests of others (Phil 2:4).
I suppose that is the beauty and power of a surrendered heart: we are freed to be placed instrumentally by God, and dance the steps He whispers in our ears, and then to be blessed to see how those steps create ripples throughout the Kingdom, blessing and edifying others in turn. Has my own situation changed? No. Do I still have dreams within my heart, waiting to be fulfilled? Yes. Is my heart overflowing with joy for the blessings God has poured out on my friends. Resounding yes.
So perhaps its not about who will win the Oscar for Best Actress. Ensemble pieces never have one cast member that you can single out as the "star". Strong ensembles all work together, supporting, undergirding one another, highlighting each others strengths, compensating for one anothers weaknesses. So, I will continue to play the role that is handed to me in the script. I still can choose to give my best performance, or a sub-par performance. Either way, the result will effect so much more than just myself.
"The consequences of parting with our last claim to intrinsic freedom, power, or worth, are real freedom, power and worth, really ours because God gives them and because we know them to be (in another sense) not ours."
~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“Christ, can truly say to every group of Christian friends, ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
I have had the priviledge of being supporting cast for some friends as they underwent major life changes, these past few months. The story lines literally came out of left field, and then just blossomed before my eyes, as I got to watch them unfold with baited breath, quietly following the Spirit, out in the periphery. It is very humbling to realize that the "plot"of my own story my not be the primary purpose for this season of my life. Yet, that is what we are called to do—not be self serving, but serving others (Gal 5:13), not looking to our own interests, but to the interests of others (Phil 2:4).
I suppose that is the beauty and power of a surrendered heart: we are freed to be placed instrumentally by God, and dance the steps He whispers in our ears, and then to be blessed to see how those steps create ripples throughout the Kingdom, blessing and edifying others in turn. Has my own situation changed? No. Do I still have dreams within my heart, waiting to be fulfilled? Yes. Is my heart overflowing with joy for the blessings God has poured out on my friends. Resounding yes.
So perhaps its not about who will win the Oscar for Best Actress. Ensemble pieces never have one cast member that you can single out as the "star". Strong ensembles all work together, supporting, undergirding one another, highlighting each others strengths, compensating for one anothers weaknesses. So, I will continue to play the role that is handed to me in the script. I still can choose to give my best performance, or a sub-par performance. Either way, the result will effect so much more than just myself.
"The consequences of parting with our last claim to intrinsic freedom, power, or worth, are real freedom, power and worth, really ours because God gives them and because we know them to be (in another sense) not ours."
~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
“Christ, can truly say to every group of Christian friends, ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
The back stretch
Exam week is finally here, but the weekend preceeding was full of grumbling; phrases could be heard echoing through the hospital corridors such as, "I gave up my twenties for this..."The hospital is literally over-run by med students, sloughing out the final back stretch of the marathon--the marathon through quick-sand. Even the the ladies at the mall eatery, and Starbucks can pick us out of the normal population, purely by visual cues--disheveled, exasperated looking folk we are. We order food to the hospital, we bring our computers, we play music to assuage our poor flogged brains.
The end is now in sight--only four more days of being hospital squatters!
Monday, December 05, 2005
For the Moments I feel Faint
I was listening to this song while at Kelly and Sarah's on Friday, and I realized that it best captures the essence of the season I am in.
For The Moments I Feel Faint
~Relient K
Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong
I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands
Sunday, December 04, 2005
The beginning or the end?
The weekend before final exams, and moving to Regina, and I decide to start a blog. I decided that a blog would be an effective way of telling the world of my wild adventures as I embark on JURSI year.
Departure from Saskatoon brings new acute understanding of the phrase bitter sweet. I am excited to be nearing (so very near) the completion of the bulk of classroom work, and even more excited to start interacting with and taking care of patients on a daily basis. I am terrified of the responsiblity of looking after patients. I am sad to leave behind my community, my friends, my family, those people dearest to me, with whom my life is intricately woven, and now I prepare to be cut out of the weave. Change. It is inevitable. Things are always changing, sometimes the change is just more blatant and obvious. Regina is a big unknown---uncharted territory. New challenges, new obstacles, new adventures. Friendships will change, adapt--some will weather the changes well, others will be stretched, even strained, and all is yet to be determined. And yes, the true friendships will endure, but there will be things that I truly will miss---like Kelly and Sarah's kids growing up, or being here for the birth of Allison and Ryan's first baby. These are the costs that I did not calculate for when I discerned God calling me to pursue medicine. Yet I will persevere, and hold my head up to meet what is waiting for me around this next bend in the road, this journey of my life.
Hebrews 10:35-36
35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 12:1-3
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Departure from Saskatoon brings new acute understanding of the phrase bitter sweet. I am excited to be nearing (so very near) the completion of the bulk of classroom work, and even more excited to start interacting with and taking care of patients on a daily basis. I am terrified of the responsiblity of looking after patients. I am sad to leave behind my community, my friends, my family, those people dearest to me, with whom my life is intricately woven, and now I prepare to be cut out of the weave. Change. It is inevitable. Things are always changing, sometimes the change is just more blatant and obvious. Regina is a big unknown---uncharted territory. New challenges, new obstacles, new adventures. Friendships will change, adapt--some will weather the changes well, others will be stretched, even strained, and all is yet to be determined. And yes, the true friendships will endure, but there will be things that I truly will miss---like Kelly and Sarah's kids growing up, or being here for the birth of Allison and Ryan's first baby. These are the costs that I did not calculate for when I discerned God calling me to pursue medicine. Yet I will persevere, and hold my head up to meet what is waiting for me around this next bend in the road, this journey of my life.
Hebrews 10:35-36
35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 12:1-3
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
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