Perhaps it was naive of me to think that I would have the opportunity to integrate into a community in Regina that was not explicitly the medical community.
After seeing my on call schedule for February, I have almost given up even wanting to attempt to integrate into a community. Including this week, for six weeks I am on call every other Sunday. No church. No day of rest. Arg. The weekends I am not on call are booked with things like the OSCE (a clinical exam) in Saskatoon, and important family events in Prince Albert. And how silly to think that 1 in 2 call would be found only in Obstetrics---apparently its required in both Gynecology and Pyschiatry as well, and is likely a trend that will be persisting.
It would appear that I will be hard pressed to retain any of the friendships that are so dear to me throughout this JURSI year and a half; and the thought of making new friends was at best optimistic and at worst, just plain foolish.
Feeling alone and isolated as I near the end of my 100h Labour and Delivery week. How I am supposed to have any meaningful interactions with people when I work for 25h, come home to sleep, and then go back the next day to work another 25? Simply cannot be done. In general the trend would seem that the hospital does consume you during clinical training; oh I knew this was what I was told before, but it is more bitter pill to actually swallow than I anticipated. Currenly the only saving grace is that I have my classmates that I have come to know and love over the past two and a half years, serving as a tiny buffer, all of us tenuously holding the others on this side of sanity. But I think to the long dark road ahead and consider the prospect of moving across the country for residency, truly alone, knowing no one, no time to integrate into a community, and my soul shudders at the thought.
Oh I love the medicine. I just never anticipated doing only medicine.
5 comments:
This really does require a lot of time and energy. No doubt you will develop more relationships within the medical community. There is also those wonderful "Stomsocks" who can prop a person up in the evenings when you get a chance. Remember we are only a phone call away and will be down south soon. Let us know what the weekend of the 4th of February looks like.
this, too, will pass. And just remember, you can connect with a bunch of us through this blog, and through things like email, etc. (which can be done on your schedule with the little time you have). I know it's not the same as human contact, but at least it feels like we're keeping up on Lauren's life a bit. And all the true friends will still be there, ready to renew and refresh the friendship when this period of your life is over.
(things also always look more glum when one is lacking sleep, which I imagine you are)
You're in my prayers, hang in there.
Sounds like you need a great big bottle of Tequilla! Or a hug....in this case....a hug will do just fine.
Hang in their Lauren, God will honour your hardwork. Sometimes it's hard to see that the season we're in is just a season, it can be overwhelming, but it will be worth it in the end.
Any good baby stories???
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