the weekend journey of my soul

It is amazing to me the range of emotions I have experienced in the last three days.

The retreat was a drink of cold water for my soul. Refreshing, and energizing, providing the basic form of sustenance. Many facets of the weekend combine to have this effect.

First, arriving was like coming home, a foreshadowing of what Heaven will be like. Being with the Saskatoon Friends (see Four Loves by Lewis for why capital F Friends), my community, my brothers and sisters in the faith that I have walked through many trials with; the people who encourage me, and hold me accoutable, and I do the same for them. The Hardings, my beloved mentors who always inspire and supply bountiful wisdom. Then added to this, was the fellowship of my Friends from the different campuses that I have connected with over the past three years at retreats. Even though we have only spent a few short total number of days together, our hearts are connected through our common faith, and our medical experiences, and when we meet we interact in deep and meaningful ways. Also, being away, in nature, surrounded by God's majestic creation, playing outdoors, forgetting the trials and demands of everyday life, we were freed to just BE. To be children of God, and spend the entire weekend seeking Him, His Truth, and fellowshipping with the Body. For these reasons I think that the annual retreat weekend has become one of my favorite weekends of the year.

And then the teaching. Dr Peter Kreeft was amazing, and I think I will actually leave commenting on what I learned for several days until I have had time to sleep and process.

And then when it was time to say goodbye to the Saskatoon contingent of the U of S CMDS community I wept. I unashedly wept. My heart felt all the grief and sorrow of parting, saying goodbye once more. My heart blood has been spilled, and today I was acutely reminded of this wound, that is still very real, and still very raw. But I know that this is the price of loving--is sorrow and pain. If I did not love them as deeply as I do, it would not be so painful to leave. And the alternative--of letting my heart harden and become as stone, is no alternative that is really a choice for me. I was very naive to think that the wound on my heart was so quickly healed.

“We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief, and heals them." ~ Tolstoy

"It is in the fire of suffering that God brings forth the gold of godliness"
-Madame Guyon