Ride the wave

As I got my bicycle out of the garage today, I marvelled at how my body goes through the rhythmical movements as if by rote to carry me to the hospital: it would require a very conscious and deliberate act of defiance for me to not make there.

While I rode, I pondered at how swiftly the past six months have passed. It is as though I am riding a wave, and it will carry me to the end almost regardless of what I do. The wave has so much momentum that I couldnt stop and get off, even if I wanted to. Not that I want to. It is a very strange sensation to feel as though you are moved with an invisible force that is larger than life itself. As if by instinct, my body mind and soul have learned what to do to ride the wave. Ride or peril in attempting to quit. Might as well learn to enjoy the ride, since I am already on the wave...

I was almost startled when I found myself at the end of the day. It is as though the path is set, and I have no control over the course. Three years ago I made a decision to get on this wave, and wherever He decides this wave will go, so will I. I had the choice as to whether or not to get on, but now hold on for the ride, cling to what you hold dear, and pray you make it to the shore with the things that are most important still intact. I dont even know really where this wave ends, I just know I am on it.

I think that if one is not careful, this tremendous momentum would carry you all the way through one's entire life, at a ridiculous pace, all the way to the end. I think there will be crucial points in the journey, decisions that will determine whether to stay on this wave, or to get on ones with different momentum, and different courses. The challenge will be to be alert enough and discern those decisions when they are in front of you, and to not just let them glide right by without recognizing their significance.

Social Relief

Praise God for the weekend. I have had a long week at the General, and I am very much ready for two days off!

My solitude has been alleviated in part this week by two girls I have met here in particular. One is Emily, the dorm dean for the college who is living here this summer, and the other is Sarah, Sheila's niece who I have gotten to know a little while I am here. There was watching game 7 of the Stanely Cup finals with Sarah at her appartment while baking cookies earlier in the week, supper for celebrating Emily's birthday yesterday, and today I went out with Sarah and some of her small group friends.

Tonight we went to a violin concert put on by one of Sarah's friends. It was in a little church that is no too far from the hospital. We were adventurous and took the bus to get there (I am still afraid of the bus system--I have anxiety about missing the bus and being late for things). Anyways we made it there just fine. We then afterward went to the market for gelato and walked around Parliament. The market was really vibrant and alive at night, with the sunset sinking in the background sky--all the streets had the trees all light up, and sidewalk lanterns glowing with soft yellow light. There were of course people out in droves, in all sorts of attire, some really elegant and posh, to the very granola, or the grunge goth. It was a very high stimuli experience, almost to sensory overload, with sights, sounds and smells. I smelt a wide array of smoke tonight, ranging from cigarettes, to cigars, to marjiuana and everything inbetween!

Anyways, the city was beautiful, with the park areas smelling dewy and lush, with the trees in full bloom. It made me miss Eddie, as I would love to experience the Ottawa downtown at night with him!

Adventures in Solitude

I went to the market today for about two hours with Emily, the other girl who is staying at the College. And then I spent the rest of the day by myself. I went back downtown, and wandered around the airconditioned Rideau Center to escape from the stiffling Ontario humidity. It is amazing how I can feel totally alone while surrounded by bustling, jostling masses of people. People all around, noisy, loud, with no one really talking. Bumping into other people, but no one really connecting.

Even amidst the swarms of crowds, my own thoughts echo loudly in my head. I am alone with the voice in my head. It is a strange thing to be alone by circumstance, rather than by choice. At home being alone is a choice--I can at any moment pick up a phone and initiate a social interaction with people I know well. Here I am alone by default. I dont think I could be busy, even if I tried. Its like an imosed social hiatus. My phone rings once a day--when Eddie calls me for our daily conversation. And somedays my mom phones too. Those are the two voices that link me to the on-going world.

Two more weeks.

24 with warm hearts and wet feet

I spent my 24th birthday this weekend in Saskatoon with Eddie, my wonderful boyfriend. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to go home for the weekend. My heart always feels at ease when I fly into the Saskatoon airport after I have been away for a while.

Eddie planned a hot air balloon ride, but due to the inclement weather, this was post-poned until a later weekend this summer. So we went for a walk along the river bank in the rain instead, sporting the "Gustbuster", Eddie's hurricane proof golf umbrella. While the weather was cool and rainy, it was still beautiful. My feet did get alarmingly drenched however! This was followed by supper at Keos, watching the end of the hockey game, doing our reading for Church the next day, and watching a movie. It was a low-key weekend, but deliciously fantastic.

And then to my delight my parents came into town for lunch the next day. We wound up at Montana's--without me putting it together that that meant moose hat for me. And of course, Eddie made sure to inform the waitress that he would like the moose hat for my birthday. At least we got some good photos out of that!

And now my Eddie is off to Newfoundland, and I am back in Ottawa, with another four weeks until we see each other again. Hopefully they will pass by quickly!

Big City Burnout

I have decided I wouldnt like to live in a big city. Why you ask? Why when there are so many exciting things to do, the restaurants, the shopping, the arts, the shows, the sporting events, the market, the downtown (all of whick I find fun and exciting by the way)--why wouldnt you want to live in a big metropolitan city like that?

I will tell you why--or at least some of the reasons why.

When I arrived back in Ottawa after my birthday weekend at home, I stood around and waited for my bags at the luggage carosel. The trouble was it took three times longer than it does in Saskatoon.

Next I went outside and stood in a line up that was thirty people deep to get a taxi. More waiting.

Then, I took a 25 minute, $30.00 cab ride back to my temporary residence. Did you know it takes about 10 minutes to get to the airport in Saskatoon? Yes more waiting.

In the hospital, where I am doing my elective, I wait more still. I wait for the residents to get all the interesting patients with active problems, then I might get a patient to see. I wait and watch while the fellows do all the procedures. At half day, I take a 20 minute cab ride to get to the other site where the lectures are. I ask the nurses everyday if there are any IVs I can practice starting. So far I have had the chance to start one. I definitely notice more here than in smaller centers, that I really am the lowest rung on the ladder. "Oh you're still just a baby" one nurse sarcastically crooned at me while I was assessing a patient. Am I part of the team? Sort of--not a full fledged member anyways.

And to be honest, I find Ontario people for the most part (not all, but in general), more hoity-toity than maritimers or prairie people. They are afterall the sophistication center of the country.

I have however been very warmly received by John and especially Sally, who have gone out of their way to make sure I am looked after while I am staying at Augustine. They have been a blessing. But this is a function of the Christian community, which thanks be to God, can be found even in the booming metropolis of Ottawa.

But of this I know--if given the opportunity to live in a more modest city, I would choose that. While the larger cities have some exciting flare and pizzaz, in the end, the benefits of a smaller community, with people who me and I know them, and less time spent commuting and standing in lines, where I am a person not a number, is ultimately what will tip the scales for me. I think of all the time that is spent waiting in these bigger cities, and I think how precious is that time, that I could be doing something more meaningful than standing in a line, or labouriously travelling to and from my workplace.

my life the novella

I think medical school electives are like living in a "choose your own adventure" novel.

Today I went to church with Sally Patrick, and then had a lovely conversation afterwards with her for several hours.

Later in the afternoon I found myself kareening down the Ottawa bike paths on a borrowed hot pink road bike, and a old school helmet, on my way to find the hospital I need to report to tomorrow morning. And literally only yesterday I was in Halifax, smelling the salty ocean air, doing things like going on a sailboat, or touring a fortress. Definitely choose your own adventure. Although I think I will have pudenal nerve injury from this adventure when its over--it hurts to sit down tonight, and I was only biking for an hour!

I also bought fresh produce at the market, and walked around downtown. I really do love the market. So fresh, so fun, bustling, colorful, alive.

It going to be difficult to get any school reading done this week, with Augustine running a course with evening lectures this first week. Oh well. I will have three more weeks to read nephrology after that!

Home to Augustine: Ottawa Day 0

Today I arrived in our capital city, for the beginning of a four week stay. Even upon landing, the differences between Halifax and Ottawa become more strikingly apparent. It simply put is more metropolitan. The people are more urbanized as a rule--like wearing high heeled shoes to the grocery store urbanized. More arts, more museums, more en francais, more politics. I bought a Globe and Mail in the airport, and I was again reminded that the politicians they talk about, make their home in the city I will be living in for the next month.

As my cab, to the tune of a $28.00 fare, pulled up to Augustine College I was enveloped with a sense of familiarity. I spent a week here two summers ago, and not much has changed. It still is a magnificent two storey character home, with creeping ivy cloaking the exteriour, spacious rooms, hardwood floors, period appropriate furniture, noble bookcases brimming with volumes upon volumes of treasures. The living room has no television, but rather reading lights mounted to the wall behind every chair, a piano, and boardgames on the shelves. It is a room designed to nurture conversation, human interaction and enriching the mind. Almost as soon as I got here I found myself slipping into using vocabulary that has remained dormant for some time, as I here words like precocious, and austere used in everyday conversation with ease around me.

The air is thick and heavy, descending on the city like a wet blank today, as we were showered from above relentlessly. I apprecitated my access to automotive transportation at home as I walked several blocks with my cumbersome parcels from the grocery store. Yet as I sit in my room, with the windows open and the fan circulating the humidity, I am somewhat enchanted with this place. Being here amplifies my desire to read and to read endlessly. I want to devour the Word, and Lewis, and Kreeft, and Tolstoy, and Potok, and ... It seems that some places exhilarate my appetite for learning and betterment of my mind, whereas others only dampen it, and coax me to mental lethargy. I cannot yet pin-point what factors make this difference, but I know that when I have a home of my own, I want it to promote the former not the later!

Halifax Day 21

Today I leave this beautiful coastal city and I fly out to Ottawa. Ottawa has its own charm, but I will miss Halifax. I feel comfortable here. It is strange to pack up all my things and to see my empty room.

The number...

Today was my second last day in Halifax. I fly to Ottawa on Saturday.

I spent most of today marvelling over the fact that it was June 1. Every year when it all of a sudden is June, I am usually almost startled to realize June has arrived. Out of no where, its my birthday month, with less than two weeks until I have my birthday.

I must say, that since Eddie and I are together, my birthday doesnt have any 'sense of impending doom' attached to it. This year I turn 24. I still distinctly recall that when I was 18, and 19 years old, my family was saying --oh you are so young, dont even think about getting married for years! This was fine and dandy at that time, when I was still dating my 'high school sweetheart'. That of course as we all know ended in the beginning of my first year of university. Then almost the day I turned 20 it has been, 'so do you have a boyfriend?', 'when are you going to find someone?' etc. This went on for the better part of FOUR years! Oh granted, I was never really that old, and I was quite satisfied with my life, but for whatever reason, each year that ticked by, the number sounded larger and larger, like I was encroaching on old maid-dom. This of course was a silly cultural perspective, that didnt actually reflect reality. Funny though, now that Eddie and I are happily dating, the number 24 doesnt sound like a label, rather it sounds like just a number. Strange isnt it?