Just Because

Today Eddie made me supper, a lovely meal of two different curry dishes. Mmmm tasty.

And he got me a gorgeous stem of orchids. Just because. Sublime. I just love orchids.

Yes I am very blessed.

Resisting Resentment

"if we believe suffering is the touch of God's grace, we will avoid resentment, arrogance, and above all pride, the primal and satanic sin. When we suffer, our natural instinct is to resent and resist. This implies a claim to perfect happiness: how dare this suffering intrude on my self-sufficiency and control?...
...an attitude of humility and gratitude in suffering brings deep joy, while an attitude of pride and ingratitude, even without suffering, brings joylessness. Proud people are simply not happy."
~ Making Sense Out of Suffering, Peter Kreeft

I read this the other day, and that line about our natural instinct is to resent, hit me square between the eyes. I resent being in Regina. I do not like the city itself. Oh, there are worse places to be, but there are definitely better places to be. I have found an attitude of resentment creeping into my outlook on life, and have found it to really be zapping my joy. I dont really know how to be joyful about Regina--Lord teach me how. If I dont figure that out, it is going to be a long long road until next May. How do you have joy when you would rather be somewhere else? Even if I convince myself Regina is OK, I know there is better, and I will still likely be counting down the days until I leave. Really I am at a loss here, as to how to NOT be living the time in Regina as 'doing time'. I need a touch of Grace.

What are you, then, my God?

"What are you, then, my God? What are you, I ask, but the Lord God? For who else is lord except the Lord, or who is god if not our God? You are most high, excellent, most powerful, omnipotent, supremely merciful and supremely just, most hidden yet intimately present, infinitely beautiful, and infinitely strong, steadfast yet elusive, unchanging yourself though you control the change in all things, never new, never old, renewing all things yet wearing down the proud though they know it not; ever active, ever at rest, guarding, creating and nurturing and perfecting, seeking although secure, you regret without sadness, you grow angry yet remain tranquil, you alter your works but never your plan; you take back what you find although you never lost it, you are never in need yet you regjoice in your gains... After saying all that, what have we said, my God, my life, my holy sweetness? What does anyone who speaks of you really say? Yet woe betide those who fail to speak, while the chatterboxes go on saying nothing."
~ Confessions, St Augustine.

May I not be one of those chatterboxes who talks much without saying anything. The first book of Confessions is written with an intensity and passion that inspires me to know my God more intimately, and to seek him more ferverently. And I am reminded of the importance of taking the time to read such things that strengthen my soul, rather than always and only books that strengthen the academic part of my mind.

Mozart

Tonight Eddie took me to the Symphony---they are having a Mozart Festival. First we made supper at his appartment, then got all decked out, and went to the concert.

It was amazing. We were in the fourth row from the orchestra, and there was a guest pianist there--we could see all of her facial expressions, her dramatic arm movements, the way she swayed with the music. I have never seen a musician become so completely enthralled with the music.

Sitting listening to the melodies and harmonies that delicately weave together, the enchanting sound filling the air--all of the things that happened during my week melted--faded from memory for that space of time. And I thought to myself--there will be the most beautiful music in Heaven.

In Saskatoon

Okay, all you loyal blog readers, my Saskatoon long lost friends...

I am in Saskatoon from April 17-28 for a two week rotation at RUH.

I know--its BIG NEWS! Mark it on your calendars--I expect you all to be calling me while I am in town!

Okay enough sass. I really am looking forward to that block of time, and I hope to catch up with a lot of you while I am there.

Miss you all!

Mountains Part II

I went to the mountains again this weekend---yes thats right again! Another fabulous weekend away from the Queen city. It is surprising how four days off felt like so much longer than four days.

This time I flew out to Calgary, where Eddie picked me up at the airport. He drove out earlier in the week and was visiting some of his buddies that he has been friends with for about twenty years (yes, since he was five years old). Eddie stayed with Chad, and I stayed at Uncle Jim and Auntie Marcella's---we were worried they might live on opposite ends of the city, but it was only about a ten minute drive away.

Thursday, after I arrived, Eddie and I hopped into the Civic, and off we drove to Radium Hot Springs. Kind of funny, because I travelled in three provinces in one day (Radium is in BC). It was so much fun. The drive to Radium is a beautiful windy mountain road, with the picturesque back drop of the towering Rockies. After soaking in the steamy mineral water with about twenty other people, we drove back to Banff.

Back in Banff, we found a delightful little mexican restuarant --the Magpie and Stump. After which we tested out the Banff Hot Springs--thats right, we spent the day hotspring hopping. It was grand. Radium has more chararcter---its more rustic.

Friday was consumed by snowboarding at Lake Louise. Poor Eddie had not boarded before, so he was quite sore the next day. We had fun laughing at each other that day. Then in the evening we went to Eddie's friends house to play cards and boardgames. It was great to get to meet his gang.

Saturday was a day for family. Auntie Marcella had supper for us, and then about twenty rel-ies came over to visit with the long lost Saskatchewan cousin and her boyfriend. I think I am from the Kucharski stock though---they are into travelling, hosting family gatherings, big families, sports---I felt right at home. They teased Eddie pretty good, but he was of course ridiculously good natured about the whole thing.

And Sunday we drove home. Man is that a LONG drive! It was good though.

Pictures will follow!

Mountains

I just got back today from an amazing four days in the mountains. Wow do I love the outdoors and God's spectacular Creation.

Arleen, my outdoor adventure superstar friend, and I packed into my little sunfire on Thursday, and made the nine hour trek to Canmore, a small little town just outside of Banff National Park. We were slowed up slightly by a nasty winter storm between Medicine Hat and Calgary, which had us travelling at 50kph, but we made it.

The first stop however was at MEC, which for some strange reason only exists online in Saskatchewan. I LOVE that store! I was able to finally pick up a respectable sleeping bag for a person who like the 'back-country', a therma-rest (which was on sale for less than half price :) , my first dry bag (a sack for packing gear in, so that if your canoe tips, your stuff stays dry), and a fleece.

After MEC, we made it to our little hotel in Canmore. We actually got a super good deal on accomodations and lift tickets, so that was great. We spent two days on the mountain at Lake Louise, which is definitely worth the drive. The weather was perfect--sunny, warm but not too warm, lots of base snow. Amazing. The second day we tried the back side of the mountain, which is simply breath-taking, as you cant see the parking lot or any of the other man made stuff, and you are just on the mountain. SOOO GREAT!

And how stoked am I that I have another long weekend booked for next weekend? Extremely. Three more days of pediatric psych and then back to the mountains. You see, I realized that with all the silly rules around when JURSIs are allowed to take holidays, if I dont take some days off in Psych, I wont be able to take all my holidays, for two more days off I go!

Reason #16 Why I Wont Do Pediatrics

I am currently doing a two week block in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

I like the patients--lots of adolescents, they are neat kids, with more issues than the average kid, but neat kids nonetheless.

Its the parents that are responsible for them that I cannot tolerate.

Let me say that I know that there are a lot of wonderful parents in the world--two of them are mine, I know many others and I plan to meet even more of them. But there are some really BAD parents too, unfortunately.

I have seen so many kids that come from really messed up homes and they are just caught in the middle of adults who dont know how to be adults well.

I saw a kid today who has some issues with authority, some behavioral issues, some substance use issues, some anger management issues--he's got some things to work on. Granted. But he is living at home with his mom and step-dad, the step-dad who threatens to leave the mom if she doesnt choose him over her son. It make my insides crawl to think of men seeing women's children as their enemies, and it makes me shudder at the chaos that results when the Natural Law is broken. This kid's mom called the RCMP to bring him in to the ER on a warrant for a mental health assessment because he mentioned a few weeks ago that he would rather be dead. I have seen suicidal people. This kid was NOT suicidal. The catch to this story is that the mom and step-dad are leaving the country tomorrow on vacation, and they wanted the kid to be admitted to the psych ward while they were away. I was SO frusterated I was ready to lose it, but I didnt. What a total lack of parental coping skills, AND completely irresponsible use of services.

Its absolutely unbelievable how many parents call the police to deal with their kids that are 12, 13, 14 etc, when they are getting out of hand at home. I already cant believe how many times I have heard, "I had to call the police", and then they tell you about the incident, and I am sitting there thinking, 'you need to quit being afraid of your kid, and start showing them some tough love---your kids dont need you to be a buddy, they need boundaries'.

Give me kidney failure to manage any day.

Unexpected

My life has taken an unexpected turn this week---unexpected but good.

God never ceases to surprise me with the opportunities he has me walk into, the ones that I do not see until I have run smack into them. But after I have recovered my composure, and my head has quit spinning, I can see that this new adventure will be a good one, and that He has blessed me with unexpected blessings.

One of my closest friendships has grown into something more. Still is a bit surreal, but only because it is so out of the blue, and was NEVER forseen by myself, hence I do feel like I got hit with a 2x4---sort of a 'where the heck did that come from?!?'. As far as everything else goes, its very real, genuine and concrete, not shrouded in mystery or trying to guess what the other is thinking, and I am not nerved up, apprehensive, or anxious about the whole thing, I am just very calm, at peace, happy and feeling very blessed.

Ash Wednesday

Today was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent---the forty days of fasting in the Christian tradition that are to prepare for the celebration of Jesus' death and resurrection, otherwise known as Easter.

Interestingly enough, the two Catholic boys that I have come to know and love, were both working the night/graveyard shift at the hospital, so Ray and I, the 'protestants' (although I think this title is becoming less representative of the real story), anyways, we the 'protestants' trotted off to Ash Wednesday Mass at St Martin's parish in Regina.

I have to say, that I have really come to appreciate Catholic mass. This one today in particular was really something to think about. The emphasis was on turning from sins and living a life that is faithful to the Gospel. They also were welcoming new Catholics to join them in Lent, and then they will be officially joined with the Church at Easter. The priest prayed for the new members, and the first two things they prayed for the newbies were: that they have a fruitful daily prayer life, and that they read the Word daily and meditate on it. In that same hour, we were instructed on the importance of fasting, why its done, how it shouldnt be done etc. There was reading of scripture, singing of hymns, communion, and distribution of the Ashes. The funny thing was, the content of the messages told sounded like they could have been preached at any of the other churches I have attended---but in addition to that, in one hour they touched on all of the cardinal elements of the Christian Faith. I think I have to say that coming out of a Catholic mass I always have encountered a more holistic view of the Christian faith than when I come out of a protestant service.

I have given up coffee and junk food (this means sweets--cookies etc, and deep fried stuff). I figured coffee would be the thing that would be a daily sacrifice, and its the closest thing I have to a daily vice (dont get me wrong, I have vices, just that most of them arent daily problems). I toyed with giving up other things, but most everything else I would have given up would have been either quite easy to give up, or not something that would daily remind me that I am to re-focus my thoughts and my life on the Cross.