Orlando Pictures

We are back safe and sound from Florida; and now we are extra plump from two family's worth of turkey dinners! Here are some pictures from our excursions:

Orlando Update

Well we are safely landed in Orlando. Mark, Ray, Eddie and I are here for almost two weeks, first for the American Society of Hematology conference, then for plain fun and relaxation.

We had our first day at the conference yesterday--obviously Mark and I were way more into in than the other two, but we did manage to find a surgically applicable talk for Ray and a peds talk for Eddie. Mark and I will be going back today for some of the ground breaking research presentations.

Last night however, we managed to make it Tutsiville (which is right next to Kennedy Space Center) to watch the launch of the Discovery Shuttle. It was SO cool. We were right on waterfront across from the launch pad. There were a whole bunch of local people lined up sitting on lawn chairs. When the shuttle took off it lit up the entire sky as though it was daylight. It was really awesome.

Happy Birthday Eddie!

My dearest Eddie is twenty-six today. I am so blessed to have him in my life, he brings me more joy than I could have ever hoped for or imagined! And he's even a bigger nerd than I am--how hard is that to believe! A tribute to the man I love, you are the biggest nerd and I love you all the more because of it. I love your spirit, your compassion, you passion for truth, reason and logic. I love that you always make me laugh, I love your smile, your dimples and the crinkles around your eyes. Happy birthday to the man who won my heart.

Organized Chaos

Okay, I feel as though I need to explain my sort of falling off the earth the past few weeks. Let me say that I really want to be phoning more people and staying caught up in your lives, but I have been consumed.

For example, this week I have:
1) worked one call shift (30 hours in a row) at the hospital
2) I have another call shift on Sunday
3) got passport photos taken for my licencing exam application
4) got my licencing exam application notarized
5) mailed exam app and two other business documents
6) attended RCIA class tuesday night
7) wrote four personal letters for my residency applications (count now 11 done, 1 to go)
8) went to Staples three separate times for invitation printing---they printed them wrong TWICE!
9) went to Costco for invitation printing twice
10) bought groceries
11)went to the pool to swim (only got there once)
12)booked appointments for when I at home in December
13) bought Eddie's birthday gift
14) finished my Christmas shopping (has to be finished before I leave for Orlando)
15) read my research papers for my presentation due in a week

AHG! I cant wait to sit still! I am at the hospital all day, and half the time there is nothing official scheduled for me to do in the afternoons (thanks to the rotation organization), but I am not allowed to leave the hospital. Then when I am finished at five, I am going on a dead run until bedtime. Everytime I cross something off my list of things to do, it seems four more things have been added in the meantime!

Its like I am caught in a frenzied storm and there is no way out, I just have to hold on for dear life and pray I get to the other side. Only nine more days of this rotation, only nine more days at the hospital. I am so READY for vacation!

Three weeks to go...

-Photo by KAG
This is how happy I will be come Dec 8 when I am on a plane for Orlando! Three weeks left of the term, and I can't wait to be done. Pediatrics is okay, not my favorite, but okay. Just have to finish the rotation, pass the rotation exam, finish our invitations, register to write my liscencing exam, finish my residency applications, do four more call shifts, and then I can leave!

We did our marriage prepartion course this weekend. It was okay, but I expected more. I think it was difficult for the presenters because they were presenting to a variety of couples from differing spiritual backgrounds. I would have preferred if the spirituality aspect was more of a central theme, and touched upon in all the different areas. On our Focus inventory (an inventory questionaire that each of us filled out separately), we scored 92% on our "Readiness for Marriage", so that's good! Eddie also accidently checked that he is concerned about how much alcohol I drink, so drinking issues was highlighted as something we need to discuss if further depth with our Priest. We both had a good laugh about that.

On a different note, we saw the new Bond movie this weekend--seriously they missed the boat on the Bond character; it felt more like a Rambo movie, with Bond as a meat head beating everyone up, rather than a smart, cunning Bond who out wits his opponents. Sigh. I would like to visit Montenegro after seeing the movie though!

Babies

I am on call today for the Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU). We attended the delivery of 24 week old baby, and it was all I could do to not burst into tears in the delivery suite. I am much too emotional to be able to deal with children who are sick on a regular basis for the rest of my life. The little guy was doing as okay as can be expected, but something inside of me twists in anguish each time I see his frail itty-bitty body struggling to breath, his tiny chest wall heaving with each breath.

And then there was another precious little doll who came back from Saskatoon today that I had to admit. She had been small for her gestational age, and thus is the most delicate perfectly small proportions. Her eyes were larger than the rest of her face, and she was alert and awake, with luminous blue eyes gazing out at me. I had to stop what I was doing and just cuddle her for a solid 10 minutes. This is the other reason I could never be a pediatrician--I would fall in love with all the babies and then not get my work done, and be an emotional mess when it was time to remain calm under pressure.

They really are the most vulnerable members of our society, these the sickest of our littlest people. It truly is a reflection of the society as to how we deal with and treat these our most vulnerable who most need our protection. It is quite poignant seeing the droves of adults swarmed around one little body all vigourously working to revive it, willing it to live. If we do not retain this drive to protect our little ones, we will on the whole be in big trouble. It is our job to be the voice for those cannot speak for themselves--our youngest and our elderly.

Regina Return

-photo by KAGlubish

193 days until the wedding....but who's counting? Eddie and I are both finally back in Regina together, yay! No more long distance phone calls, at least until the dreaded interview period. I have started Pediatrics this week and I am somewhat terrified of the little goobers--I dont want to break them! Give me old people any day.

Ummm so other than that, the next four weeks are dedicated to not letting little people die, finishing residency personal letters (pick me, pick me letters :), marriage prep weekend course, and RCIA classes. I think November will be a blur!

Tim Hortons Horror

Eddie and I walked into Tim Hortons on the weekend to find a young man lying on the floor with blood stains on his head and the surrounding tiles.

For a moment my heart stopped. "We are going to have to resuscitate this man"--flashed through my head.

Two seconds later I realized he was conscious and there was a staff member there controlling traffic and that the ambulance had already been called.

At first we then walked past like regular bystanders--then we said to each other " we are probably at the point where we are obligated to help this guy." So we walked back over and offered our help.

We didnt do much--verified the story, took his pulse and then the ambulance arrived, and they have the gear to actually provide real help. He was acutely okay when he left with EMS.

It got us to thinking--next year we for surely are obligated to help in emergencies in public places. I think we are going to have to carry some sort of minor first aid kit, or at least a mask incase we have to do CPR. It kind of scared the crap out of me! Really without IV fluids, proper airway and ventilation support as well as some cool drugs, we are kind of useless in those situations. Oh well, we decided that after next year for sure when we run into situations with people under 18 Eddie will be in charge and I will be in charge with patients over 18, and that we are going to have to carry some sort of minimal gear.

Weekend with the Bolsters

Eddie and I were in Regina with the rest of the Bolster clan for Larry's retirement banquet from Sasktel. We were all dressed up, but as you can see, during the presentation after dinner our table got a little bit silly!

busy JURSI

The life of a busy JURSI, thats the life for me--for now anyway until med school is over! Only six more months of rotations, the end is almost in sight.

I surprisingly dont have a whole lot to blog about right now, I am on CTU at RUH, which I am enjoying but it keeps me pretty busy between that and my Carms (residency applications) stuff. It was kind of funny yesterday our attending made a joke that I didnt get, I guess it was in reference to a tv commercial, and my team told me I dont watch enough tv. Big surprise!

I think the two most interesting things about this past week have been:
a) Eddie and I started a gift registry on the weekend; we still have lots to do but it was fun to start..
b) When I was on call my team diagnosed a patient in the ER with flesh eating disease and he left against medical advice, refusing to let us treat him--apparently he was going to fly to Calgary for treatment. I am just waiting to hear about him on the news!

ARG!

What the H#$!
Tonight I tried on my interview suit that I bought at Banana Republic in Edmonton to show it to Tin, and IT STILL HAS A SECURITY TAG ON IT!!!!! I even asked before we left the store if they were all removed because I was leaving the province, and they said, "oh of course!"

Now I have an interview suit with a security tag--so its basically useless until the tag is removed, and oh yes there is no Banana Republic in Saskatchewan. ARGGGG!!!

Thanksgiving

Home for Thanksgiving... So nice to be home, to see my family, whom I have missed so much being on the road these past six months. This is my mom, my sister and I at our good family friend's house. Aren't they lovely? I think so. The only thing missing this holiday was my darling Eddie who is still in Ottawa.

Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time, and enjoy these moments just a little while longer before I have to return to the chaos that is my life. I know the next eight months are going to be a blur, and this weekend was just a chance to catch my breath before the final push to the end of the school year. Deep breaths....

CMDS Regina

I went to the Ninan's house tonight for Bible study, the first time to CMDS in Regina in a LONG time, as I have been away so much.

It was really nice, they made us tasty Indian food, and we chatted over supper. After supper Mrs. Ninan got out a cake that said "Congratulations" on it, as she had thought Eddie and I would be there together, and it was to celebrate our engagement! It was so sweet :) They decided we had to take pictures of the cakes and email them to Eddie, as he is still in Ottawa. I really felt at home with them there, and I am so thankful that they have us into their home. The study part is always really well prepared, and I feel very encouraged when I leave. Dr. Ninan told me that he and Dr. Akyinbi were "keeping an eye on things" for us students...that was awesome, knowing that there are angels in the form of doctors watching out of us, even when we werent aware of it.

Ottawa Pictures

There arent that many because I committed a major sin--I forgot the good camera-Gasp! Anyways here are a few from the mini-dig



The Indian restaurant where we nearly died from gastro-intestinal-inferno...





















Eddie took a picture of me outside the Canadian Mint...

Saturday in Ottawa

I have been in Ottawa since Thursday visiting my dearest Eddie. Today was the first day he didnt have to be at the hospital, yay!

We started the morning off by taking the bus to the Canadian War Museum. Well actually due to my navigation we took the bus past where we were supposed to, and then had to walk back from Quebec to the museum in Ottawa. That only took about 10 min, so that was okay. The CWM was quite somber, but lots of well done exhibits. Its actually in a different building than when I went in 1999.

Then we went to a little pizzeria in the market for lunch and shared a tasty slice of pizza. We had planned to go to another museum in the afternoon, but it was our first day without rain, so we decided to walk around outside instead. We walked the park around Parliament, the outdoor mall on Spark St, and the market. We stopped at two different bakeries to sample their delicate creations--at one we shared an almond-pear tart, and at the next we shared a scrumptious apple turn-over. We got some really funny looks from people as we devoured the turn-over on the side of the road in the market!

Then we had supper at a quaint Indian restaurant. The food was super flavorful, but so spicey I thought I was going to die. It was like the scene from Along Came Polly when Ben Stiller is eating spicey food with Aniston for the first time---seriously, my gut was on fire for a while after supper! So we picked up some gelato after supper to cool our palates (and our esophaguses, and our stomaches...)

We ended the evening with going to see the National Orchestral. They did a Mozart piece with special guest Emmanuel Ax, and Brahms Symphony #2. It was a wonderful end to a superb day.

Shameful Signature

I am ashamed to admit--I have spent about 20 minutes tonight trying to figure out what I want my new signature to be like next year when I have a new last name. I didnt ever think I would do that, but I spent a few hours today doing CaRMS paperwork, and had to sign twenty differnent letters, and I sign my name countless times a day at work, and it made me curious as to how I would do my new signature. A doctor's signature is worth a lot--it had better be good!

Yah, I'm a nerd. I'm post call today by the way, I think that accounts for some of the nerdiness, comes out more when tired.....

Date Day in Regina

My darling Eddie has left again for Ottawa today... I can't wait until we are both finally in the same city again! Everytime we see each other lately one of us has to leave again. We did have a beautiful date day in Regina on Saturday before he had to leave.

Eddie planned a date day for us, and it was all a surprise for me! He had me come over to his appartment around ten am, and we packed a picnic lunch. We then set out on foot, and our first stop was the Royal Saskatchewan museum. It was so much fun to tour around the museum, and it was only a donation to enter! There was a really cool dinosaur exhibit, and the "Paleo-Pit" is the learning pit for kids. It made me totally excited for when we have kids and get to take them to museums and things.

After the museum we had our picnic lunch on a bench by the big pond (aka the "lake"). Totally fun, I love picnics! After that, we were on the trail again, and Eddie took me next to the art gallery, which was free! It was really cool--not as grandiose as the National Art Gallery in Ottawa, but there were some really neat exhibits--one with ancient art work from Rome, Greece and Egypt.

Then we went out for dinner at the Creek Bistro, a quaint little restuarant in the Cathedral area. Neither of us had been there before. The food there was amazing! I started with tapas for one, then I had a chipolte rib-eye steak with tomato and avacado salsa and garlic mashed potatoes. We finished with a mango-apple-mixed berry crisp. So good! I havent eaten like that in a long time!

The last part of the evening was the season opener of the symphony. It was wonderful. He did such a great job planning our date day. I love him so much, and I know he loves me, and he makes me feel like a princess everyday!

And then this morning I had to drive Eddie to the airport at 4:50am! Arg. But the great part is that I get to go to Ottawa this weekend to visit him, I can't wait!

Death of a Patient

A patient of mine died last week.

Our team was consulted to see him in the ER, and we went, assessed the situation, developed a plan, and admitted him. He was quite sick and was in significant respiratory distress. After we finished with him, we were sent home by our attending at the end of the day. I felt uneasy about him, knowing in my gut he was in rough shape. Apparently our patient's heart went into complete heart block 15 minutes after we left. Cardiology came over from the U, but it proved to be the end of his time here on earth.

I was stunned the next morning to hear of his passing, and sort of numb to be honest. Its strange to have people go so suddenly--now they are here, now they're not.

I talked about it with Eddie that night. There is such a fine line between promoting life and prolonging death. Its not our job to save everyone, but it is our job to treat everyonewith dignity and compassion.

Then on Sunday during the intercessory prayers, my patient's name was read as one of those recently departed members of the Body. It hit me again like a ton of brick in my gut and instantly hot tears overflowed, stinging my eyes; my two worlds colliding. Sometimes its easy to forget that patients are in our community, our fellowship, our neighbourhood. I dont think I will ever learn the 'professional detachment'--I dont think I want to.

Funniest moment of the day...

A patient told my 5'2" attending who was sitting down with her hands folded, and who is visibly pregnant might I add, that she had threatening posture.

Life through the Kidney

We had our CMDS welcome BBQ today, and Susan told me how much she enjoys my blog, and that she always checks to see if I have posted--and since I have been quite sparse with the blogging lately, Susan this one is for you.

I am currently doing an elective at St Paul's Hospital in Saskatoon, in Nephrology. It was because of time I spent there in second year with a certain amazing attending that I became interesting in Internal medicine in the first place. I then spent some more time there after second year in the summer and fell in love with internal medicine and specifically the kidney. There is just something about it, hard to explain--thinking through kidney problems comes more easily to me than most other systems.

So this past week was awesome. I think this is likely to be my best elective in terms of educational yield per hour spent at the hospital. We are busy all day, but its busy seeing patients with our attending, with oodles of bedside teaching. The attending staff are a blast to work with--they have SO much fun doing their jobs, and its a wonderful enviroment to work it. I would recommend this rotation as an elective or selective to any and all med students. Several of the attendings were encouraging me to come and join their nephrology group when I was finished training (which is always nice encouragement).

However...

I realized today that none of the female attendings in this department have children. And their pagers go off literally every five to ten minutes. My attending comes in before we (the residents and I) get there in the morning, and stays for hours after we leave. Kidney patients are really sick generally and there are many of them. By Friday I realized, thats really not the life I want.

I want to like my job, but not to the exclusion of everything else. There are other areas of internal medicine that are not as busy, where my pager would not go off every five minutes for the rest of my life, and I might even be able to attend my kids recitals. Heck I might even see my husband long enough to make children! It may mean a field that I have to work harder at to learn the material because it doesnt come so naturally, but I will be able to do it.

Furthermore, I read a chilling article in the Globe and Mail this weekend about euthanasia in Australia, and and one about abortion in Canada, and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach. I had a vision of the disregard for the sanctity of life eating away at the fabric of our society like a black cancer. And in my mind's eye, I saw that every couple that chose to bring life into the world or chose to preserve life would push back some of the cancer. After I read that I told Eddie we should have 10 kids. He said sure.

Basically I need to make sure I dont let myself become SO consumed with medicine that I miss all the other things God has called me to that will make a difference in His Kingdom.

Phantom

Eddie and I went to go see the live production of Phantom of the Opera in Edmonton this past weekend. It was amazing! We were totally in the nosebleed section, but the music was SO awesome.

That was pretty much the date portion of the weekend--we had plans to go watersliding, to the Symphony Under the Sky concerts, to Superman the movie, and to go mini-golfing. Those other plans took a back seat to finding an interview suit for me, a wedding suit for Eddie, a wedding band for me and shoes for both of us. We were highly motivated to save the PST, and to be able to find what we wanted, knowing that Edmonton offered more selection than Saskatoon, and that we werent going to get a chance to get here again before life gets crazy busy.

There never seems to ever be enough time to do the things we want to do once we have done the things we ought to do. I think life is just like that sometimes. We did decide that we are going to have to be more strict with setting aside time for ourselves, regardless of whether there are other things to do, because sometimes if you dont make time for yourselves, you sadly will get none!

My Fabulous Fiance

His name is Eddie. He is GREAT! We spent the day in Edmonton together today, our first full day together after three weeks apart (we have been in different cities since sometime in May, sigh). We had a great day--out for breakfast, shopping (bought my wedding band today, so crazy that I have a wedding band...), engagement photos with Kristy-Anne, and then to top it off the three of us went for Thai food for supper.

Seriously I have not laughed so hard since I last saw Eddie. We were visiting after dinner and he had me laughing so hard I was in tears for the better part of an hour. And he bought me beautiful gold earings today! We were back at his cousin's house where he is staying getting ready for our pictures and he says to me, "why dont you try on your wedding band?" So I open the box and out pops a pair of fabulous gold hoops. I was SO surprised! "what are these for?!" I exlcaimed! "Just because, " he replied with a grin. I dont even know when he picked it up today. He got them for me to replace my stainless steel hoops I wear everyday, how sweet!

A Polish Patient

Somedays I have certain patient interactions that remind me of why I love medicine. Last week I had one such encounter that sticks out in my mind. He was an elderly gentleman, and he spoke with a thick Polish accent that immediately reminded me of my relatives. When I asked him how old he was when he got married, he said "44--thats when I got to old to chase the ladies anymore".

At the end of the interview he asked me when I finished medical school. Next spring I told him. "Next spring eh," he replied. "Well can you be my doctor then? I'd love to have you as my doctor." I had to tell him that it would be at few more years before I could be a specialist, so it would be a bit of a longer wait.

It is so gratifying when patients give you positive feedback. Sometimes that is more rewarding than good feedback from a preceptor.

Stolen from, again.

My car got broken into tonight. Yes it was locked. No they didnt break a window. No, I dont know how they got in. Yes they stole stuff--my lab coat, my id badge, my palm pilot, some of my text books, and a notebook that I have been writing in all year on rounds. They didnt take my pager. And yes my contact information for my reference letter referees was in my palm pilot.

Why is it that in Alberta of all places, where money is literally flowing out of the ground, do people have to steal? It is such an inconsiderate, selfish thing to do. Because someone else is lazy and corrupt I have to replace my palm pilot, track down my referees contact info, and some how replace all of the hard work that went into my clinical notes. I am so infuriated I could scream.

This is the third time my car has been broken into. That will teach me never to leave anything of value in an automobile.

On the road again...

Destination this time.... Edmonton!

I was not excited to be living out of a suitcase again, but it came upon me quickly like a thief in the night. Sunday I drove out here. I am staying with my mom's cousin and his family in Sherwood Park. Man is there a LOT of money in Alberta! The hospital here is outrageous. Oh well, I will learn lots I think.

I did have some fun adventures while at on my rural family med time. Eddie and I went to BC for Tim and Erin's wedding...
















and we went to play in Vancouver on Sunday...







Grenville Island














Stanley Park...

I also went camping with Arleen and Jenn on the Church Hill River, and narrowly survived the worst thunderstorm I have ever been in. That was quite the adventure.

Tin is in Edmonton at the same time I am here, so hopefully we will get some sweet shopping in...

Engaged!

Eddie asked me to marry him on Friday July 14th on a walk around Wascana Lake. And of course I said yes! I am so excited! Our wedding is going to be on May 19th, 2007 in Prince Albert.


So by popular demand I added a picture of the ring--which I wasnt going to do because photos never do diamonds justice, unless you are shooting in a studio--Anyways, I complied.

Eddie picked it out himself, I never went ring shopping with him, and I absolutely love it.

For you ring buffs out there, it is a 0.51 carat round solitare in an 18 carat yellow gold setting. It is a lovely (tres sparkley) certified Canadian diamond (so no africans had to die for my engagement ring).

Pinic in the Park

Saturday was date day, yay! I saw Eddie for the first time since my birthday weekend. We had a pinic in the park and then went to Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan. Great day. We had so much fun. Isn't he wonderful? I think so.

Under His Wings

I had an interesting experience this past week... it involved having to explain to a preceptor why I did not want to go to Planned Parenthood, because I am pro-life. It was a tense few days leading up to the meeting, and I thank everyone who remembered me and my situation in prayer. It was fruitful prayer! I did not know how things would turn out before I went into the meeting, but God was faithful, as He always is. I was scared at first, but that fear was replaced with peace.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

"Whether we admit it or not, there comes for everyone the moment when personal existence must be anchored to a truth recognized as final, a truth that confers a certidude no longer open to doubt." ~John Paul II

Let us cling to the Rock and to what we know to be True...

Canada Day in the Capital

I spent Canada Day in the Capital today! There is way too many things going on to see everything, but I did go to a free concert by the national orchestra at the national arts center, which was also a childrens choir concert. Awesome to hear the national anthem played by such musicians on Canada Day!



I then ventured downtown and to Parliament Hill...the entire downtown area is closed to vehicles and is a huge festival. There is a huge main stage infront of the Peace Tower where there was a live concert. I think there was at least 100 000 people when I left downtown!

Ride the wave

As I got my bicycle out of the garage today, I marvelled at how my body goes through the rhythmical movements as if by rote to carry me to the hospital: it would require a very conscious and deliberate act of defiance for me to not make there.

While I rode, I pondered at how swiftly the past six months have passed. It is as though I am riding a wave, and it will carry me to the end almost regardless of what I do. The wave has so much momentum that I couldnt stop and get off, even if I wanted to. Not that I want to. It is a very strange sensation to feel as though you are moved with an invisible force that is larger than life itself. As if by instinct, my body mind and soul have learned what to do to ride the wave. Ride or peril in attempting to quit. Might as well learn to enjoy the ride, since I am already on the wave...

I was almost startled when I found myself at the end of the day. It is as though the path is set, and I have no control over the course. Three years ago I made a decision to get on this wave, and wherever He decides this wave will go, so will I. I had the choice as to whether or not to get on, but now hold on for the ride, cling to what you hold dear, and pray you make it to the shore with the things that are most important still intact. I dont even know really where this wave ends, I just know I am on it.

I think that if one is not careful, this tremendous momentum would carry you all the way through one's entire life, at a ridiculous pace, all the way to the end. I think there will be crucial points in the journey, decisions that will determine whether to stay on this wave, or to get on ones with different momentum, and different courses. The challenge will be to be alert enough and discern those decisions when they are in front of you, and to not just let them glide right by without recognizing their significance.

Social Relief

Praise God for the weekend. I have had a long week at the General, and I am very much ready for two days off!

My solitude has been alleviated in part this week by two girls I have met here in particular. One is Emily, the dorm dean for the college who is living here this summer, and the other is Sarah, Sheila's niece who I have gotten to know a little while I am here. There was watching game 7 of the Stanely Cup finals with Sarah at her appartment while baking cookies earlier in the week, supper for celebrating Emily's birthday yesterday, and today I went out with Sarah and some of her small group friends.

Tonight we went to a violin concert put on by one of Sarah's friends. It was in a little church that is no too far from the hospital. We were adventurous and took the bus to get there (I am still afraid of the bus system--I have anxiety about missing the bus and being late for things). Anyways we made it there just fine. We then afterward went to the market for gelato and walked around Parliament. The market was really vibrant and alive at night, with the sunset sinking in the background sky--all the streets had the trees all light up, and sidewalk lanterns glowing with soft yellow light. There were of course people out in droves, in all sorts of attire, some really elegant and posh, to the very granola, or the grunge goth. It was a very high stimuli experience, almost to sensory overload, with sights, sounds and smells. I smelt a wide array of smoke tonight, ranging from cigarettes, to cigars, to marjiuana and everything inbetween!

Anyways, the city was beautiful, with the park areas smelling dewy and lush, with the trees in full bloom. It made me miss Eddie, as I would love to experience the Ottawa downtown at night with him!

Adventures in Solitude

I went to the market today for about two hours with Emily, the other girl who is staying at the College. And then I spent the rest of the day by myself. I went back downtown, and wandered around the airconditioned Rideau Center to escape from the stiffling Ontario humidity. It is amazing how I can feel totally alone while surrounded by bustling, jostling masses of people. People all around, noisy, loud, with no one really talking. Bumping into other people, but no one really connecting.

Even amidst the swarms of crowds, my own thoughts echo loudly in my head. I am alone with the voice in my head. It is a strange thing to be alone by circumstance, rather than by choice. At home being alone is a choice--I can at any moment pick up a phone and initiate a social interaction with people I know well. Here I am alone by default. I dont think I could be busy, even if I tried. Its like an imosed social hiatus. My phone rings once a day--when Eddie calls me for our daily conversation. And somedays my mom phones too. Those are the two voices that link me to the on-going world.

Two more weeks.

24 with warm hearts and wet feet

I spent my 24th birthday this weekend in Saskatoon with Eddie, my wonderful boyfriend. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to go home for the weekend. My heart always feels at ease when I fly into the Saskatoon airport after I have been away for a while.

Eddie planned a hot air balloon ride, but due to the inclement weather, this was post-poned until a later weekend this summer. So we went for a walk along the river bank in the rain instead, sporting the "Gustbuster", Eddie's hurricane proof golf umbrella. While the weather was cool and rainy, it was still beautiful. My feet did get alarmingly drenched however! This was followed by supper at Keos, watching the end of the hockey game, doing our reading for Church the next day, and watching a movie. It was a low-key weekend, but deliciously fantastic.

And then to my delight my parents came into town for lunch the next day. We wound up at Montana's--without me putting it together that that meant moose hat for me. And of course, Eddie made sure to inform the waitress that he would like the moose hat for my birthday. At least we got some good photos out of that!

And now my Eddie is off to Newfoundland, and I am back in Ottawa, with another four weeks until we see each other again. Hopefully they will pass by quickly!

Big City Burnout

I have decided I wouldnt like to live in a big city. Why you ask? Why when there are so many exciting things to do, the restaurants, the shopping, the arts, the shows, the sporting events, the market, the downtown (all of whick I find fun and exciting by the way)--why wouldnt you want to live in a big metropolitan city like that?

I will tell you why--or at least some of the reasons why.

When I arrived back in Ottawa after my birthday weekend at home, I stood around and waited for my bags at the luggage carosel. The trouble was it took three times longer than it does in Saskatoon.

Next I went outside and stood in a line up that was thirty people deep to get a taxi. More waiting.

Then, I took a 25 minute, $30.00 cab ride back to my temporary residence. Did you know it takes about 10 minutes to get to the airport in Saskatoon? Yes more waiting.

In the hospital, where I am doing my elective, I wait more still. I wait for the residents to get all the interesting patients with active problems, then I might get a patient to see. I wait and watch while the fellows do all the procedures. At half day, I take a 20 minute cab ride to get to the other site where the lectures are. I ask the nurses everyday if there are any IVs I can practice starting. So far I have had the chance to start one. I definitely notice more here than in smaller centers, that I really am the lowest rung on the ladder. "Oh you're still just a baby" one nurse sarcastically crooned at me while I was assessing a patient. Am I part of the team? Sort of--not a full fledged member anyways.

And to be honest, I find Ontario people for the most part (not all, but in general), more hoity-toity than maritimers or prairie people. They are afterall the sophistication center of the country.

I have however been very warmly received by John and especially Sally, who have gone out of their way to make sure I am looked after while I am staying at Augustine. They have been a blessing. But this is a function of the Christian community, which thanks be to God, can be found even in the booming metropolis of Ottawa.

But of this I know--if given the opportunity to live in a more modest city, I would choose that. While the larger cities have some exciting flare and pizzaz, in the end, the benefits of a smaller community, with people who me and I know them, and less time spent commuting and standing in lines, where I am a person not a number, is ultimately what will tip the scales for me. I think of all the time that is spent waiting in these bigger cities, and I think how precious is that time, that I could be doing something more meaningful than standing in a line, or labouriously travelling to and from my workplace.

my life the novella

I think medical school electives are like living in a "choose your own adventure" novel.

Today I went to church with Sally Patrick, and then had a lovely conversation afterwards with her for several hours.

Later in the afternoon I found myself kareening down the Ottawa bike paths on a borrowed hot pink road bike, and a old school helmet, on my way to find the hospital I need to report to tomorrow morning. And literally only yesterday I was in Halifax, smelling the salty ocean air, doing things like going on a sailboat, or touring a fortress. Definitely choose your own adventure. Although I think I will have pudenal nerve injury from this adventure when its over--it hurts to sit down tonight, and I was only biking for an hour!

I also bought fresh produce at the market, and walked around downtown. I really do love the market. So fresh, so fun, bustling, colorful, alive.

It going to be difficult to get any school reading done this week, with Augustine running a course with evening lectures this first week. Oh well. I will have three more weeks to read nephrology after that!

Home to Augustine: Ottawa Day 0

Today I arrived in our capital city, for the beginning of a four week stay. Even upon landing, the differences between Halifax and Ottawa become more strikingly apparent. It simply put is more metropolitan. The people are more urbanized as a rule--like wearing high heeled shoes to the grocery store urbanized. More arts, more museums, more en francais, more politics. I bought a Globe and Mail in the airport, and I was again reminded that the politicians they talk about, make their home in the city I will be living in for the next month.

As my cab, to the tune of a $28.00 fare, pulled up to Augustine College I was enveloped with a sense of familiarity. I spent a week here two summers ago, and not much has changed. It still is a magnificent two storey character home, with creeping ivy cloaking the exteriour, spacious rooms, hardwood floors, period appropriate furniture, noble bookcases brimming with volumes upon volumes of treasures. The living room has no television, but rather reading lights mounted to the wall behind every chair, a piano, and boardgames on the shelves. It is a room designed to nurture conversation, human interaction and enriching the mind. Almost as soon as I got here I found myself slipping into using vocabulary that has remained dormant for some time, as I here words like precocious, and austere used in everyday conversation with ease around me.

The air is thick and heavy, descending on the city like a wet blank today, as we were showered from above relentlessly. I apprecitated my access to automotive transportation at home as I walked several blocks with my cumbersome parcels from the grocery store. Yet as I sit in my room, with the windows open and the fan circulating the humidity, I am somewhat enchanted with this place. Being here amplifies my desire to read and to read endlessly. I want to devour the Word, and Lewis, and Kreeft, and Tolstoy, and Potok, and ... It seems that some places exhilarate my appetite for learning and betterment of my mind, whereas others only dampen it, and coax me to mental lethargy. I cannot yet pin-point what factors make this difference, but I know that when I have a home of my own, I want it to promote the former not the later!

Halifax Day 21

Today I leave this beautiful coastal city and I fly out to Ottawa. Ottawa has its own charm, but I will miss Halifax. I feel comfortable here. It is strange to pack up all my things and to see my empty room.

The number...

Today was my second last day in Halifax. I fly to Ottawa on Saturday.

I spent most of today marvelling over the fact that it was June 1. Every year when it all of a sudden is June, I am usually almost startled to realize June has arrived. Out of no where, its my birthday month, with less than two weeks until I have my birthday.

I must say, that since Eddie and I are together, my birthday doesnt have any 'sense of impending doom' attached to it. This year I turn 24. I still distinctly recall that when I was 18, and 19 years old, my family was saying --oh you are so young, dont even think about getting married for years! This was fine and dandy at that time, when I was still dating my 'high school sweetheart'. That of course as we all know ended in the beginning of my first year of university. Then almost the day I turned 20 it has been, 'so do you have a boyfriend?', 'when are you going to find someone?' etc. This went on for the better part of FOUR years! Oh granted, I was never really that old, and I was quite satisfied with my life, but for whatever reason, each year that ticked by, the number sounded larger and larger, like I was encroaching on old maid-dom. This of course was a silly cultural perspective, that didnt actually reflect reality. Funny though, now that Eddie and I are happily dating, the number 24 doesnt sound like a label, rather it sounds like just a number. Strange isnt it?

Halifax Day 14

Today marks my last Saturday in Halifax, as I fly out to Ottawa next Saturday. Jessi left early this morning, so my travelling buddy has left! I have a feeling this week will be much more low key. I went to the market to explore a little more this morning, and that was a lot of fun. I got some nice havarti, some fresh pitas and some very tasty hummus. I also checked out the handblown glass and crystal store on the harbour walk, but everything in there was over $100.00, so needless to say I never picked up anything! Then I got completely absorbed into a used book store on Barrington--I am not sure how long I was in there. I found a copy of Anna Karina, and two Chaim Potok novels, so I bought those three books, and I am actually very excited to read them. Although I plan on finishing Brothers Karamazov first, as I have been working on that for a while. That is the project for this week, as Jessi is gone- start running again, and finish some good novels.

The rest of the day has been spent working on a presentation that I have to give on Tuesday at Endocrinology clinical rounds. This is the "oh yah, I am still a student" reminder. My entire bed is covered with books, and I have spent most of the day reading journal articles. Yet, nerdy as this sounds, I much prefer reading journal articles when they are in attempts to answer a real clinical question. Yes I am a geek, sa la vie.

I was talking with one of Sharon and Cal's friends last night (they had company over), and we wer just talking about life, the things we enjoy, you know the sort of stuff you talk about with a person when you have just met them. At one point she remarked, "your life sounds so exciting!" This was an interesting persepective. To outsiders, the fact that I get to travel across the country on electives is famously exciting. Most days I dont feel like my life is exciting at all! Especially days like today when I am working, burried in medical literature all day. But on the whole I guess it is quite lively. Its more like short burst of excitement interspersed between large volumes of hard work. Most people probably have a very dramatacized, glamorous view of life in medicine, thanks to tv shows like Gray's Anatomy. I was thinking about this the other day, and about how if I really knew what medicine entailed before I started, I dont know if I would have done it. I would have thought the sacrifices were too great. But I also wouldnt have appreciated how rewarding it is, so on the whole I am glad I am here. God truly only does reveal to us what we need to know at the time.

Delicate voice

I have been reading non-medical books at an embarrassingly slow pace these days. Alack. However, I am nicely into Go In Peace by John Paul II, and it is rich with Truth and Wisdom. I decided to quote from what I read yesterday as I found it to be so well written.

"Truth cannot be disregarded in order to place the blame for an individual's sins on external factors such as structures, systems, or other people. Above all, this would be to deny the person's dignity and freedom, which are manifested --even though in a negative and disasterous way--in his responsibility for the sin committed. There is nothing so personal and nontransferable in each individual as merit for virtue or responsibility for sin. Like all things human, the conscience can fail and encounter illusions and errors. It is a delicate voice that can be overpowered by a noisy, distracted way of life, or almost suffocated by a long-lasting and serious habit of sin.

Conscience needs to be nurtured and educated, and the preferred way to form it--at least for those who have the grace of faith--is to relate it to the biblical revelation of the moral law, authoritatively interpreted with the help of the Church and the Holy Spirit."

Go In Peace, John Paul II


This is why it is so important for us to guard our lives, to ensure that we do not become so distracted that our conscience fails, falling into illusions and errors. The still small voice inside of us can so easily be lost in the chaotic noise. This is one of the primary reasons why for the past four years I have not had cable tv in my house---it too easily becomes a near constant source of background noise that gunks up my filter.

Halifax Day 9

Victoria Day in Nova Scotia!

We had an early start to the day, at the Citadel for its opening and we caught the first tour. They did a 21 gun salute at noon for Queen Victoria as it is Victoria Day and all today. Wow was it cold out today. The citadel was really interesting, it made me think that the two World Wars would have seemed much more tangible here in Halifax than at home as they were a major port to ship out troops. The system of defenses for the harbour are simply astounding. Did you know the Halifax harbour is the second deepest natural harbour in the world?





The view from atop the Citadel, overlooking the Harbour.










We also toured the Alexander Keith's Brewery
today. Established in 1820, it is the oldest working brewery in North America. The tour was really well done, with actors dressed as characters from 1863, taking us through the brewery and its courtyard and the old inn, singing and dancing for us too. They gave us beer samples at the end of the tour. The id-ed Jessi Matt and I! I totally thought they were joking but oh no, they seriously wanted to see our id! And I sampled my first mug of beer. They let us try the new Keiths Amber Red Ale. I actually didnt mind it, I could enjoy having a glass of it. I didnt finish it mind you, and I think at best all I could ever drink would be half a pint. Anyways it didnt have the nasty bitter taste that all other beers I have tasted have. Although I am not about to have a 'beer of choice', as red ale is only sold in the maritimes!


































And with Eddie in Edmonton, and I in Halifax, we video conference every night to stay in touch. Its not nearly as good as being in the same place, but it does make things a little easier.